


Enemies With Benefits

by FuryRed



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Basically they're both vers as hell, Bottom Charles, Bottom Erik Lehnsherr, Caretaking, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles You Slut, Cohabitation, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutant Politics, Pining, Rivalry, Shameless Smut, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-06-17 06:43:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 61,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryRed/pseuds/FuryRed
Summary: Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are the leaders of two opposing mutant factions; their rivalry played out over televised debates and in the articles of tabloid newspapers.The tension between them is so palpable that, naturally, everyone assumes they're fucking- which they are, not that Erik is particularly happy about it... But he is content to console himself with the idea that it's just sex and nothing else, and that he is in no way interested in the spoilt little rich boy he can't seem to stay away from.But then an attempt is made on both their lives and they are relocated to a safe house- a secluded cabin in the middle of the woods. At first Erik hates being forced into such close quarters with Charles, but gradually he begins to realise that 'hate' might not be the emotion driving him after all...





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

It starts as a feeling, like an itch Erik cannot scratch; a more abject kind of restlessness than Erik is accustomed to given that this one comes with little reprieve or relief. Because the very thing that vexes Erik, that drives him so interminably crazy, is the same thing that he wants most desperately- his fellow mutant leader, and rival: Charles Xavier.

Professor Charles Francis Xavier, to give him his full title, is someone whose very existence has challenged and confounded Erik in equal measure over the past several months. At first it is an irritation borne from afar, prompted by seeing and hearing Charles on the news- talking about the varying mutant causes that seem to take centre stage in society; his charming-bordering-on-smug face grinning out at Erik from television screens and newspaper articles. The pretty boy philanthropist adheres to a very different kind of dogma to Erik, given all his pompous speeches seem to be focused on suggesting that mutants do their best to ensure that they assimilate themselves into polite society _nicely_ , so as not to cause undue offence or concern. Erik cannot disagree more. He has witnessed the damage caused by allowing baseline humans to assume they still possess the power- he has seen enough posters scrawled with the slur ‘mutie scum'. If Charles is the defence then Erik and his Brotherhood are the offence, and Erik knows he will not stand aside and let his kind be cowed by humanity's rules.

For months Erik remains resolute as he offers up objection- providing a more forceful kind of counterattack to Charles, and gradually finding himself becoming very much the poster boy of the mutant revolution, as some people are calling it. All along the way Charles is there, offering thoughtful opposition to Erik whilst discarding some of his harsher points, and slowly their snipes and barbs start to become almost directed at each other, though still through the medium of media. But then Erik and Charles are both invited to take part in the same talkshow- a televised debate about the latest attempt to impose some kind of a mutant registration programme- and their dynamic begins to change. What sparks off from that night becomes a series of events which seem to Erik to unfold without cause or reason, without hope of ceasing, shaping and reforming Erik's life for weeks and then months, until he cannot remember how things were before...

 

****

 

 

 

 

The hotel is far more luxurious than Erik is used to, its opulence and grandeur making clear the substantial budget afforded by the television network who paid for Erik to appear on their panel show- as well as how eager they clearly were for Erik to take part... Of course, even without the favourable fee Erik has been offered he knows he would most likely have attended anyway, and right in front of him is the reason why.

Charles is lying sprawled across the bed, his naked body spread across the expensive cotton sheets, his bare arse marked with handprints as well as Erik's spent come. Erik pauses for a moment as he looks at him, as he draws his eyes slowly across Charles' prone form and considers for a moment returning to him, perhaps nudging Charles onto his back so that Erik can steal a kiss from those plump red lips before he goes, but that has never been part of their dynamic and Erik knows as much. They meet, they exchange bitter blows on whichever television or radio show they have been asked to participate in, and then- even though Erik tells himself more than once that it needs to stop happening- he and Charles wind up in Charles' hotel room as they attempt to release tension by fucking each other senseless. It always works for a little while, Erik always feels better after he has pushed Charles’ smug face into the pillow as slides his cock inside, but as with all things when it comes to Charles the relief never lasts for long.

Erik doesn't know what it is, but as he redresses in his suit once more he finds that the same feeling of agitation is rising within him, untempered even after the admittedly satisfying climax he just experienced. Perhaps it is something Charles is feeling too, because even though they finished some minutes previously he still hasn't moved, and Erik is sure that he's not sleeping.

“Charles...?” Erik says eventually. “Are you alright? I didn't... hurt you, did I?”

It wouldn’t be the first time Erik has been rough with Charles, and in truth Erik cannot remember any encounter that hasn't involved shoving Charles up against his wall or smacking his gloriously round arse or pinning his wrists against the mattress. But there's a first time for everything, and Erik would hate to think that he has allowed himself to go too far in pursuit of pleasure on this occasion. But just as Erik is wondering if he's going to have to actually apologise to Charles for the first time in his life Charles shifts and rolls over, and the sight of him only leaves Erik feeling even more confused.

Charles turns so he is lying on his back on the bed, remaining there for only a moment before he starts to sit upright, his hand reaching down to slowly stroke his cock that is still hard- flushed pink at the tip and wet with pre-come, but nothing else...

“You didn’t come...” Erik says slowly, staring intently at the sight of Charles stroking himself and wishing it wasn't quite so arousing, particularly when Erik is about to leave. “Why didn't you say anything?”

Charles shrugs. “You seemed like you were having a lovely time, and I didn't want to distract you”.

“You should have said something...” Erik growls. “I would have stopped if you weren't enjoying yourself”.

“Now, now...” Charles replies, a playful smile starting to spread across his face. “Don't go nursing your fragile ego just yet- I didn't say that I wasn't enjoying myself. The sex was exemplary, as it always is, I just wasn't quite ready for it to be over”.

Charles pauses, lowering his eyes as he slowly begins to draw the fingertips of his other hand up his stomach and chest, before pinching one erect nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Of course, you could stay and help finish me off if you'd like...” Charles murmurs, the line of his lashes dark against his freckled cheek.

Erik swallows hard as he stares at Charles, because even though he's just had him he finds that he still wants him. Charles is very much a vision of temptation as he sits there touching himself, drawing his fist leisurely up and down his shaft, prompting arousal to pool in the pit of Erik's stomach once more. But this is not the way things are between them- they do not hang around for second helpings- and the fact that Charles is trying to alter the routine now only makes Erik feel irritated above anything else.

“You should have said something”, Erik repeats sternly, glaring at Charles before he turns and moves to retrieve his jacket from where it was thrown over a chair earlier.

Erik redresses quickly, pulling on his jacket in swift motions that probably make it clear how annoyed he is, and the aggravation only increases as Erik hears a soft chuckle of laughter coming from the bed. Instantly Erik turns to face Charles once more, being met by a look of disbelief that only raises Erik's hackles further.

“You're _angry_ at me because I didn’t come??” Charles asks incredulously.

Though Erik could maybe attempt to downplay his reaction the scowl on his face says it all.

“It's just... rude”, Erik replies eventually.

Charles laughs again, and Erik decides he has had enough of this particular encounter. And so he abruptly turns and walks over towards the door, taking determined strides and ignoring the fact that he can still see Charles' naked body just in his periphery.

“Alright, I promise I'll wank myself off quicker next time!” Charles calls out as Erik leaves.

The response is one that Erik has said more than once, both aloud and to himself, but this time he knows he means it- that he _has_ to maintain his conviction once and for all.

“There won't be a next time”, Erik mutters, before exiting the room and closing the door firmly behind himself.

 

Every time Erik leaves Charles he wishes for the same thing- that he could just shut the door of whatever hotel room they are in and suddenly be done with Charles, their involvement, the whole stupid, sorry situation. But as Erik strides quickly through darkened streets, shoulders hunched and the collar of his jacket turned up against the inclement weather, he knows that such hopes are foolish. Around Erik rain pours down in an almost continual stream, swamping the roads and pavements and casting the entire scene in a strange kind of glow as light reflects from streetlamps and headlights. The weather does little to improve Erik's mood, and he knows if he doesn’t get a strong drink inside himself soon he'll be positively murderous.

It’s perhaps for that reason why there are more than a few alarmed glances thrown in Erik’s direction as he enters the nearby bar, running one hand back through his now soaked hair as he casts his eyes over the scene. But if it's not the lethal look on Erik's face that causes more than a few patrons to react with alarm, some going as far as to hastily down their drinks before starting to leave, Erik knows their response likely down to one other factor.

Over the past several months Erik has become accustomed to people recognising his face- identifying him as the leader of the Brotherhood of Mutants; a powerful coalition that campaigns for the rights of mutated individuals and is uncompromising about the methods used to attain such freedoms. Erik's formidable reputation alone is enough to mean that he is often subjected to a number of varying responses- from awe and admiration that comes from his fellow mutants, to fear and even vicious hatred directed at him by the last vestiges of a redundant race: humanity. But though Erik sometimes wishes he could return to a simpler time, when very few people even knew his name, he knows deep down that he would not change a thing. It's crucial that the liberties and opportunities of mutants are protected, and it that means a few snide looks cast in Erik's direction whenever he ventures into a public place then so be it.

With that in mind Erik spares little thought for his surroundings as he advances further into the room, handing his coat to a waiting staff member before he begins to head towards a small seating area located in the furthest corner. Along the way Erik stops at the bar to order himself the large drink he's been craving for the past half hour or more, and then with his glass in hand he walks over to the nearby table, and the person waiting for him there...

“You’re late...”

The voice that speaks to Erik comes courtesy of an impeccably-dressed blonde woman who is sitting facing the wall, her head inclined slightly in Erik's direction as she lifts her martini glass to her lips, taking a small sip. Instantly Erik can't help but scowl in response to being berated, even though he knows there's no real malice in it, and the sour look on his face remains as he takes a seat at the table.

“I was busy”, Erik huffs. “Not all of us have the luxury of spending our days sitting around schmoozing wealthy investors, Emma- some of us have to put in rather more grunt work”.

“Ah yes, of course...” Emma replies, smiling at Erik slyly. “And speaking of _grunting_ , how is our favourite pint-sized professor these days?”

Erik's scowl deepens. “Don't start...” he mutters.

The expression on Emma's face suggests she has only just begun to have her fun with Erik, which comes as no real surprise. Though Emma may be Erik's oldest friend and biggest supporter she is also the person most likely to give him a hard time, particularly when it comes to the information she alone is privy to regarding the nature of involvement between Erik and his supposed enemy.

“You're always like this after you've seen him”, Emma says, shooting Erik a pointed look. “I thought screwing Xavier was supposed to make you less grumpy, not more so”.

“It's not supposed to make me anything. It’s not supposed to happen at all...”

“And yet, every time we attend one of these fun little conferences you end up balls deep in the professor and I end up drinking alone... Really, Erik- I'm starting to think the Brotherhood was just created as a front so you could meet eligible young bachelors, albeit slightly pompous ones who look like they're one ill-advised cardigan away from being put in a retirement home... But perhaps I'm just being overly judgemental. After all, there are clearly lots of people who think your secret sex pet is someone to be drooled over...”

Erik’s hands tremor with the urge to act as he contemplates using his powers to yank Emma's chair out from underneath her, in spite of the scene it would undoubtedly cause, but then Emma reaches into the small clutch handbag that is placed on the table beside her drink and retrieves her phone, and when she turns on the device and shows it to Erik he finds himself faltering.

There, displayed on the screen of Emma's phone, is a small article from whatever trashy website Emma has been frequenting- a gossip piece that features several photographs of Charles at what appears to be a sex club, talking to a pretty dark-haired girl. The pictures themselves would be inflammatory enough as they are, but the thing that really gives the article its journalistic weight is the rather sensationalist headline that is emblazoned above it that says simply: ‘PROFESSOR SEX!' Instantly Erik's jaw begins to clench as he stares at the header and accompanying captions, as he gazes intently at the image of Charles smiling widely as he talks to the girl, because although Erik has observed Charles in photographs more times than he can count, this time is noticeably different.

Over the past several months Erik has frequently seen himself and Charles in numerous media guises- most commonly spread across newspaper articles or featured on various television shows. At first the media attention seemed to be focused exclusively on the work Charles and his X-Men or Erik and his Brotherhood were trying to achieve, resulting in thoughtful, involved pieces which detailed their opposing viewpoints as well as the things they have in common. Increasingly though it seems like public appetite is unable to be sated by fact alone, and consequently Erik finds that more and more he is being subjected to idle rumour and speculation- the likes of which he does not appreciate... Erik has always been a very private person and as such he does not welcome outsiders prodding into his personal life, particularly when there are so many things Erik wishes to keep secret- the least of which is his involvement with Charles. But where Erik has always been a rather reserved individual Charles is decidedly less so, and perhaps that's a blessing in itself because there are many occasions on which Charles has proven himself to be a rather useful diversion.

Of course, that's not to say that Erik is always so pleased about Charles’ tendency to make somewhat of a spectacle of himself... For every moment where Erik has been relieved as Charles has stepped up and commanded attention for himself, and thereby shielded Erik from it, there is another where Erik has wished that Charles could perhaps be a little bit quieter, a little bit more thoughtful. Though Charles is undoubtedly the smartest person Erik has ever met he can also be rather forthright when it comes to the conviction of his beliefs and how he communicates them, and that kind of arrogance is not always appreciated by everyone. And then there are times like this- when Charles will just go ahead and do something without thinking too much about it, resulting in a field day for the journalists and a headache for Erik...

“I still don't understand why in _Gott's_ name you read that mindless drivel...” Erik mutters, still staring at Charles’ smiling face in the photographs. “It's all complete bullshit anyway”.

Emma shrugs nonchalantly. “Oh, I don't know- there was that one article that claimed I once mindzapped someone into cutting their own dick off because they annoyed me. I rather liked that one”.

“Besides...” Emma adds, her expression somewhat devious as she removes the phone from Erik's sight and slides it back inside her bag once more. “I think we both know you’re only peeved with my choice of reading material on this occasion because you don't like seeing pictures of Xavier flirting with attractive young women”.

“Of course I don’t like it”, Erik snaps. “That _dummkopf_ is making a complete fool of himself- of both of us. We're supposed to be leading the discussion on mutant issues, paving the way for the natural supremacy of our kind, but instead he's getting drunk and hitting on girls in bars. It's completely irresponsible, not to mention unseemly”.

“Mm-hmm... And I suppose I'm to believe your reaction has nothing at all to do with jealousy?”

“I don't really give a fuck what you believe, Emma...”

“Ow...” Emma replies, placing one hand over her heart as if she's just been wounded. “Sugar, I'm hurt. And after all we've been through”.

Though Emma’s words are playful, as her demeanour towards Erik almost always is, Erik knows her well enough to recognise when she is saying something that borders on the truth. And it is true, after all- they have been through so much together, and as such Erik knows he shouldn't really discount Emma's opinions so easily.

“Sorry...” Erik mutters after a moment, lifting his glass to his lips once more and taking a long drink, as if he hopes to hide the word within his actions. Nevertheless it registers, and there is an evident easing of Emma's expression as she watches Erik.

“You don't have to be so defensive with me, you know...” Emma says gently. “I only want what's best for you, and I certainly wouldn't like to see you cut yourself off from the possibility of something you might want just because you think you don't deserve it”.

“And what is it you think I want, exactly?”

“Hmm, hard to say... You're difficult to read, even for a telepath such as myself. Sometimes I'm not sure _you_ even know what you want. All I'm saying is there has to be a reason you keep going back to the Professor, besides the fact that he's got, oh- how did you describe it? ‘The best ass in North America and a mouth like a hoover'?”

Inwardly Erik groans, but he can't supress the small smile that slowly starts to spread across his face.

“I never should have told you that...” Erik replies.

“Oh, but I'm glad you did”, Emma responds with a wink. “Believe me, it gets very boring organising your schedule so you can focus on taking over the world. Sometimes I need a few scintillating thoughts to get me through each day, and the idea of you and Xavier hate-fucking does just fine”.

“We really need to get you a hobby... Or maybe a boyfriend...”

“Perhaps next week. And don't change the subject- we're talking about you here, and your non-boyfriend. Look, I know I keep going on about this but maybe if you explain it to me I'll be able to understand. You say you despise him, and yet every opportunity you get you're fucking his brains out. Why?”

It's a question Erik has pondered himself more than once, yet try as he might he can't seem to come to any conclusive answer. All he knows is that, whilst he may disagree with Charles’ moral standing, his sensibilities, his ideas for the future, and sometimes just his fucking wardrobe, for some reason he keeps going back for more. Possibly because, above all else, it just feels _really fucking good_.

“Maybe I'm just trying to fuck some sense into him”, Erik replies with a slight shrug.

“Ha. A likely story. But unless your semen contains some spectacularly high levels of vitamin B9 to boost his brain power I don’t think that's going to work... To be honest, Erik- it really doesn't matter _why_ you're doing it, just as long as you're being careful”.

“Well we use condoms...”

Emma shakes her head. “I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you _protecting_ yourself- in all manners of speaking. I know the public image you present is one of someone harsh and uncompromising, someone with no fragility or perceivable weakness, but more than anyone else I know that it's just a front. Because I look at you and still see that same fourteen-year-old boy I met all those years ago- the sweet, kind mutant who helped me, and who later saved me from Sh--”

“Don't”, Erik interrupts, the word coming out harsh and jarring. Emma flinches slightly in response, but as always with Emma the effect is only there for a briefly before it disappears, like something perceivable slipping beneath frozen waters. For a moment Emma continues to stare at Erik, fragments of emotion passing over her face before they are each set aside, one by one. But then she leans forward, placing the palm of her hand down on the table next to Erik's clenched fist- close, but not quite touching; a gesture of support that communicates more than contact alone because she knows the absence of such is what Erik really needs.

“It'll be over soon...” Emma says carefully. “The trial is only a matter of weeks away and then once it’s done with we can forget all about-- about what happened. We can finally move on”.

Erik nods quietly. “I know, just... don't. And don't worry about me either- in regards to Charles or anything else. I appreciate you looking out for me but I can take care of myself”.

“I'll remember you said that...”

The expression on Emma's face suggests that she disagrees but she is tactful enough not to say anything, and so she simply leans back in her chair once more as she reaches for her drink.

“So...” Emma says, raising her eyebrows at Erik. “Why don't you tell me more about the part of your day that _didn't_ involve mindless sex...”

 

Talking to Emma, or more often _listening_ to her, has always been easy, and consequently Erik is unsurprised to find the time passing quickly as they remain in the bar, exchanging amiable conversation and consuming more than a few drinks. Once Erik is able to get Emma off the subject of Charles and his tremendous thighs (a diversion of topic which seems to come from nowhere) they begin to discuss the various matters most pertinent to their meeting, most of which involve future plans for the Brotherhood.

There are a number of issues looming on the horizon that Erik is keen to address- everything from the proposed government plan to initiate mandatory testing of the ‘x-gene', to the recent troubling rumours of mutant experimentation taking place in Canada- and it is encouraging to be able to discuss things at length with Emma. She has always been Erik's most trusted advisor, not least because her telepathy enables her to perceive things Erik cannot, but because deep down Erik realises it's more than that. Erik has known Emma since they were little more than children, they have gone through unimaginable things together, and as such there is no one better placed to be at Erik's side as they both work towards their mutual goal of mutant equality, or perhaps supremacy...

Once the meeting is concluded Erik bids Emma goodnight, before commencing the short walk back to the modest accommodation in which he will be staying for the evening- a refuge and respite of his own design.

All across the country there are a number of small hostels which provide shelter for mutants who have been driven out by their families, established by the Brotherhood in the years before their existence became notorious and funded by various means- both unscrupulous and less so... Erik has always taken great pride in the refuge he is able to offer to his mutant brothers and sisters- a more accessible kind of assistance than Charles and his elitist school, which as far as Erik knows only offers admission to mutants who meet certain criteria. It is yet another area of conflict between Charles and Erik, something that makes them seem worlds apart, and ultimately keeps Erik from thinking that Charles is ever someone he could regard as anything more than just a casual fuck.

Still, as Erik heads briskly through dark streets still drowned in a deluge of rainwater, he finds that thoughts of Charles remain close by, as always. Though the most logical part of Erik’s brain gives him reason upon reason why this maddening, compelling thing with his mortal enemy needs to cease, nevertheless there is something that counters his every conclusion; more whim than wisdom. Charles is wrong for Erik in every way- Erik is almost sure of it- and yet somehow since the fateful day this whole damn thing started it has seemed like there is some constant force which keeps bringing them together, no matter how much Erik tries to fight it.

The weather is still unpleasant as Erik walks so he pulls his jacket tighter around his body, attempting to dispel the cool evening air as in his mind he is--

_Standing on the rooftop of the TV network building months ago, smoking, scowling as Charles joins him- a smile ever-present on his self-righteous face. It is the first time they've met in person and already Erik cannot stand him, cannot abide Charles’ gentle voice and the way he acts like he knows everything. But without explanation, without thought or reason of any kind, a short while later Charles is on his knees in front of Erik, Erik's hand tightly fisting in Charles’ hair as he wilfully fucks his mouth._

Part of Erik feels like he should have taken Emma up on her offer to stay with her at a nearby hotel, particularly as the location would have been closer, but a hotel stay would have meant proximity to Charles and that cannot happen because then Erik might end up--

_Standing and staring at Charles where he sits on the edge of his hotel bed, naked except for his thin white underwear, his hand palming at his evidently hard cock as he gazes up at Erik and teases him, as he says he would let Erik do anything. “Tell me what you want to do to me...” Charles murmurs- a request from someone who Erik once thought would only ever take. “I want to fuck you”, Erik replies. “Your mouth and then your ass”. Charles shivers. Erik almost comes just from the expression on his face alone._

When Erik reaches the mutant hostel there are very few people in sight, but a quiet din coming from further down the corridor hints at some activity. It makes Erik think of Charles and how he always seems so composed at first, so quiet and thoughtful, until you give him the opportunity and then he is--

_Cutting through Erik's arguments with verbal asides, eviscerating whichever bigoted human the producers have chosen to oppose them both by using logic and informed opinion, prompting outrage and arousal to wash over Erik in equal waves as he tries to decide whether he wants to fuck Charles or fight him. Every time they end up doing both- grabbing at each other the second they are inside Charles’ hotel room, often continuing any earlier disagreement as clothing is torn off and bodies are marked and bitten. Erik finds that Charles always looks best when he his pale skin has been reddened by Erik's hands or mouth, and it’s always enjoyable to cease Charles' endless words just by kissing him forcefully._

Contemplation of joining whichever mutants are gathered in the common room holds little interest, and so Erik quickly heads towards the room upstairs which he knows has already been set aside for himself, craving privacy as he thinks about--

_The first time Erik lets Charles fuck him, the small huff of Charles’ breath on the back of Erik's neck, his arms wrapped around Erik's body like he cannot bear to let go. The pain blurring into pleasure as Charles rolls his hips, his hands smoothing over Erik's body. The moment after Charles has climaxed when he lies there, still and sated, before immediately insisting that Erik roll over so he can suck Erik's cock. The finest orgasm of Erik’s life as he comes still feeling the stretch from having Charles’ cock inside him, and thinking of how the association of residual ownership is one he does not abhor. The memory that lingers and how, even now, Erik will never admit to himself that he loves being fucked by Charles almost as much as fucking him._

Erik lets himself into his room by use of his powers, not even bothering to flick on the light switch as he wanders over to the bed and unceremoniously dumps himself down on top of it. The space around Erik is bare and basic, reminding Erik in no way of--

_Every hotel room they have been in over the last few months, every time they have fucked and argued and fucked some more, until Erik has inevitably left like the coward he knows he is. Every time Erik has drawn his hands slowly over Charles’ naked body, absorbing the feel and weight of him, and knowing he will never touch anything so pure and so good ever again. The expression on Charles’ face when he comes- something Erik has only ever seen occasionally when he has looked up as he is sucking Charles off, given they never fuck face-to-face so Erik has never seen him otherwise. The way Charles moans Erik's name in the moments afterwards, in soft murmurs that almost sound like worship. The way Erik can’t stop thinking about Charles, wondering how it is possible to still want him when he already has him._

For a moment Erik lies there on the bed, unable to comprehend the complexity of his own life, and how such unreasonable fate has made it so that the very thing he resents is also the thing he wants most of all. Because Erik _does_ want Charles, in spite of all the reasons he shouldn’t. It is more than just some basic need to satisfy primal lust by fucking him senseless- that much is clear now. Erik hates Charles, but he wants him, and consequently in some ways it is like he doesn't really hate him at all.

 

When Erik finally finds he is ready to move once more it is some time later- the passing of the hour signified by the lessening of the noise downstairs, accompanied by the occasional muffled sound of doors shutting. Above Erik the glow from nearby streetlamps casts shadows across the ceiling, fractured light broken up by dark shapes that appear to compete with each other for dominance, leaving Erik wondering which is likely to ultimately triumph. Within himself the internal conflict is mirrored, manifesting in the moments when Erik will turn his head towards the door and think briefly about leaving, about seeking out Charles, but like always Erik remains in place, where it is safer and darker.

Eventually Erik manages to prise himself from the mattress, but only to go as far as the small holdall that he stashed in the room earlier, inside of which is a change of clothes along with a small amount of toiletries. After paying a brief visit to the nearby bathroom Erik sheds his outer layers of clothing for the evening, slipping into bed wearing only a pair of boxer shorts and immediately drawing the sheets up all the way to his chest, attempting to combat the chill that lingers even indoors. Erik has never been a very good sleeper- an aftereffect of events in his late childhood- and consequently he finds he is unable to do little more than lie there for a while, not managing to even will himself unconscious. Of course, when Erik's mind is given idle time there are a few significant places it heads to almost immediately, and consequently it isn't long before Erik is lifting one hand and gesturing pointedly, using his powers to retrieve his phone from where he left it in his jacket pocket earlier.

There are many things Erik's phone contains- notable contacts, events catalogued neatly in his calendar; all simple, innocuous commodities that no one would raise an eyebrow at. And then there is something else entirely...

When Erik first started taking an interest in Charles- politically speaking- he found himself compulsively cataloguing intelligence on his new nemesis; articles and photographs and video links saved on Erik's phone that he would revisit numerous times as he allowed the detail contained within to irritate and infuriate him. After Erik first met Charles in person he continued to compile information to peruse later, only now it is media of an entirely different kind.

Now, the small device Erik keeps with him at all times is abundant with images of Charles spread naked across various hotel mattresses, his face soft and lit with joyful exuberance as he smiles coyly, like he knows how much Erik adores the sight of him. It is stocked with videos of Charles on his knees as Erik fucks his willing mouth, or lying on his front with Erik's cock buried deep in his ass. It is littered with photographs and recordings of Charles in so many forms and guises, all of them taken by Erik and permitted by Charles since the very first night they slept together, as if Charles knows that Erik would never use them for any disloyal means- or perhaps that he could stop Erik if he tried.

More than once Erik has contemplated why he would choose to retain such images of Charles, particularly if it’s true he never intends to use them to blackmail Charles in any way, and the only conclusion Erik is comfortable reaching is the most obvious- that it's sexually gratifying. Though the nature of Erik's involvement with Charles has always been confounding and confusing to say the least it’s true that the sex has consistently been incredible, and though Erik sometimes wishes it wasn't as it would make things a damn sight easier, when it is late at night and he cannot sleep he is content to just give in to what he wants, just for a little while.

And so, as Erik sits up in bed he grasps the phone from the air and quickly unlocks it, already considering which of his many files he wishes to view in order to sate his growing need. As it happens though the answer all but presents itself, rather unexpectedly, because as the screen comes into view it is partially obscured by a small message that tells Erik something surprising- that he has been sent an attachment from Charles himself, if the small picture next to the unknown contact is anything to go by. Erik's brows draw together in a frown as he clicks to open the message, because in all the time they have known each other Erik and Charles have never communicated like this, and in truth Erik wasn't even sure Charles had his number. But there on the screen is confirmation nonetheless, and it is with a certain growing curiosity that Erik watches as the attachment opens, until he is provided with a view of something that immediately makes his mouth dry.

Erik freezes in place on the bed, eyes widening and arousal deepening as he stares at the screen- at an instantly recognisable torso covered in light brown freckles, at a flushed pink cock grasped in one slender hand. As Erik watches the hand begins to move, thumb swiping through the pre-come gathered at the head, fist drawing leisurely up and down the shaft as the subject draws in a shuddering breath, his chest rising and falling reflexively. It's intoxicating in a way that's somehow new and exciting, because although Erik has seen Charles naked numerous times he has never seen him quite like this- lost in self-indulgent abandon as he strokes his cock leisurely, intermittent moans escaping his lips. Erik is unsurprised to realise that his own member has grown achingly hard in response, his senses overcome by an intense desire to have Charles, to possess him entirely, but all Erik can do is watch, captivated by the sight before himself, unable to suppress the tremor that runs through his body as he watches Charles climax and knows in his heart that it is simply the most beautiful thing he is ever likely to see.

In the moments afterwards it should be easier, the feelings of need and desire in Erik should decrease, but there is something that makes them linger for longer than Erik would like. After Charles has finished coming, the shivery tremors in his body lessening, the view tilts up slightly towards his face allowing Erik to see the gorgeous grin that adorns it. To Erik's recollection Charles always smiles after sex, as if he is so sated he cannot help but bask in it, and this occasion is no different as he smiles widely at the camera, rather like he knows Erik will be unable to look away. And then there is the thing that affects Erik most significantly of all- when the smile fades, becomes something soft and sincere, and in the moments before the video ends Charles shifts closer to the camera, his hair falling across his forehead as he whispers gently: “You should have stayed, Erik...”

The video ends and Erik is left sitting there, staring mutely at the phone in his hand as his sizeable erection continues to distort his underwear considerably. If Erik weren't already committed to the idea of ending the night by stroking himself to memories of Charles the message has sealed the deal, but equally there is another idea that slowly begins to simmer under the surface of Erik's thoughts- the contemplation that he might instead choose to reply to Charles' message, to ask him if he's still at the hotel and arrange to meet him. During all of their previous rendezvous Erik and Charles have never met by any pre-determined means, instead simply allowing the heat and tension of their earlier debates to bring them together as if they are compelled to do so. To break habit now would be a real departure from the norm, and though Erik is still hesitant because he has no way of knowing what road this might ultimately lead them down, the one thing he does know is that it's what he really, truly wants. But then in the next few seconds another message pops up on Erik's phone, and he is reminded that life has a habit of denying his desires.

This time it is not Charles who disrupts Erik's evening, it is Emma. Her name appears on the screen and when Erik clicks on her message he finds that he has been sent another attachment, but this one is nowhere near as welcome as the last- not least because it is prefaced by the words: _‘Tell your non-boyfriend he's a real asshole!’_ Heart sinking, Erik clicks on the accompanying image and watches as it fills the screen, and then- for the first time this evening- Erik knows for sure that he and Charles can never be together in any way other than carnal, and maybe not even like that anymore.

Over the past several months there have been rumblings in the press about a new mutant research project headed up by Trask Industries, something Erik has vehemently opposed from the start given every member of the company is both completely and utterly human and shady as fuck. Disapproval of the venture is one of the few topics Erik and Charles actually agree on, providing Erik with at least some small hope that Charles is not such a lost cause after all, but as Erik stares at the picture on his phone he realises that maybe Charles has actually been less than honest when it comes to his true agenda. Because the image is a screenshot taken from a news article- a short piece detailing the latest developments with the Trask project- and though there are numerous elements that Erik is undoubtedly going to want to look into later there is one that interests him most of all, and infuriates him equally... The news that Trask Industries have been the recent beneficiaries of a substantial investment, courtesy of one Charles Francis Xavier.

In the minutes after Erik has absorbed the news he recalls the video Charles sent him earlier, remembers Charles’ wide, giddy grin after he climaxed, and knows now that the expression was made to mock and nothing else. It is clear now what this is to Charles, what it has always been- a way for Charles to control and manipulate Erik; placating him with sex so that Erik cannot oppose him so vigorously. All the moments they have shared together have always been nothing more than some stupid kind of game- a way to make Erik's interactions with Charles more palatable, because it is evident now more than ever that nothing Erik has ever said to Charles has had any kind of impact.

It's infuriating, but the ire Erik feels in that moment is not just directed at Charles, though it certainly has its place. Most of all Erik is angry at himself- at his lack of conviction, at his many failings, and at his own weak heart. Because Erik has allowed himself to be controlled by someone who should hold no power over him, and that is something Erik swore to himself would never happen again.

When Erik finally settles down to sleep that night he does so with a heavy heart, anger and sadness washing over him in equal measure as he turns his face into the pillow, seeking comfort but finding nothing of the kind. Who knows how long it will be until Erik is next forced into close contact with Charles at whatever debate they undoubtedly attend, all Erik can be sure of now is one thing and one thing only; the same mantra he repeats to himself over and over again until he finally slips into a restless sleep:

“This has got to stop...”


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Erik has always prided himself on the level of precision and control he is able to wield over his own life.

Granted, existence as a concept is something that is wholly unpredictable- a series of random occurrences and unexpected eventualities that most people pass off as just varying circumstance but others like to attribute to ‘fate'. Erik does not believe in fate, and tragic events in his life have left no room for faith in any kind of higher power, so consequently he is content to just assume he is the master of his own destiny, and act accordingly. Such belief means that Erik, for the most part, is able to monitor and control his own life almost entirely, leaving no room for surprise to play its part, but occasionally certain things will happen that will remind Erik that there is only so much he can predict...

“Fucking bastards...”

Like an attempt being made on his life, for example. Some cowardly human with a _gun_ of all things turning their weapon on Erik whilst he is standing at the front of a crowded room giving a speech to hundreds. Some insignificant little speck of a person daring to believe that they are capable of ending the life of the notorious Magneto- mutant leader and symbol of hope for multitudes of people.

“Fucking _bastards_...”

Never mind the fact that Erik could sense the weapon before it was even raised. Never mind the fact that Erik had the ability to destroy the gun with minimal effort, though he wished dearly he had turned it on the attacker instead. A need for explanation burning through Erik's mind courtesy of Emma told him to delay, but it only gave the coward enough time to bite down on the cyanide capsule contained in their mouth, taking any answers they held with them to the grave.

“ _Verdammt_ fucking bastards...”

The whole incident filled Erik with such a sense of vitriolic rage; hatred and anger boiling within his blood as he thought about how one pathetic human had tried to tear down everything he has worked so hard to build. But that was nothing compared to how Erik felt later on that morning, when he learned that he was not the only mutant to have been targeted that day...

“You've said that at least five times already, and whilst I appreciate your candor I'd rather like it if you just talked to me properly, for once...”

Erik turns to regard the passenger seat of the car he is driving, and though Erik wishes it wasn't the case he can't help the surge of feeling that runs through him as he takes in the sight of Charles, and the marks and abrasions on his face... Whereas Erik managed to make it through his brush with death relatively unscathed the same can not be said for Charles, and consequently he is sporting a large cut on his forehead, a split lip, and a series of bruises across his jawline. But that's clearly not the full extent of Charles' injuries, because there is a look in his eyes that suggests a much deeper kind of trauma, making the smile on Charles’ face seem entirely unconvincing.

“You look like shit”, Erik mutters, which seems like the easiest and least complicated thing he can possibly say, even if it is also the rudest.

Charles flashes Erik another small smile, then immediately winces most likely as a result of his busted lip.

“I know- not exactly a pretty picture right now, am I? But you look rather good for someone who was shot at only yesterday... How are you feeling?”

“Fine”, Erik grunts. “And I didn't get shot at. The asshole couldn’t even get the gun out of his pants before I turned it into molten alloy”.

“Mmm, impressive... I could have done with your help when I was wrestling an intruder in my bedroom whilst wearing only my underwear”.

Charles' words prompt a mental image in Erik’s head that he tries valiantly to ignore, instead choosing to stare straight ahead out of the window at the scene before him- at houses and buildings slowly giving way to the onset of a lush green landscape. In a short while Erik and Charles will be at the safehouse they are being sent to whilst investigations into the attacks are underway- a secluded cabin surrounded by miles and miles of woodland- and though Erik thinks the protective detail is complete overkill, including the blacked-out car Erik can see following them in the rear-view mirror, he knows he can't refuse to go along with it- not without potentially putting Charles in further danger.

“Why did you try to fight them off?” Erik asks eventually. “I know you're a pacifist but you're also a telepath, and using your mutation to protect yourself should have been your first instinct- even if you didn't want to kill them”.

“Yes, well... Maybe it would have been if I'd been fully awake when I was attacked, rather than sound asleep”.

“At ten-thirty on a Wednesday?”

Charles' face begins to flush with colour as he starts to chew on his lower lip, and he looks so adorably contrite Erik has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

“I’m not really a morning person...” Charles replies quietly. “Kind of wish I was now, as maybe then I'd have been a bit more prepared to defend myself from some wanker with a knife and a hypodermic needle full of suppressant”.

Erik flashes Charles a look of surprise in response to the new information.

“A needle? He didn't just try to kill you?”

“Not exactly”, Charles replies, shaking his head. “No gun, no attempt at a quick death. Whatever that guy wanted me for I grimly suspect it involved more than just killing me. Of course, I could be wrong- maybe he thought it would be easier to drug me and _then_ kill me. But who knows...”

Charles trails off, and when Erik glances over the look of mild distress on Charles’ face is unmistakable.

“It gets easier...” Erik says quietly.

“Huh? What does?”

“Dealing with people trying to kill you”.

Charles shoots Erik a wry look. “You know that's not exactly comforting...”

“I know...” Erik replies.

It would be so easy for Erik to smile at Charles then, to reassure him with some form of shared amusement, but Erik cannot allow himself to lighten up for a multitude of reasons- the most prevalent of which is Erik's continued internal conflict when it comes to his feelings towards Charles. The last time they saw each other was just over two weeks ago, when Erik once again found himself succumbing to his desire for his sworn enemy, until he was promptly reminded that he was foolish to trust something that he cannot control. Since then Erik has indiscriminately seethed with fury every time he has thought of Charles, unable to put from mind the substantial donation he knows Charles has made to the very human and very questionable venture of Trask Industries, and how much of a betrayal the act ultimately represents.

“So you’ve been through something like this before?” Charles asks.

In response Erik continues to stare ahead out of the window, jaw set firm as he senses Charles watching him. Charles seems more relaxed than he's been in the entire time since they set out on the journey, and Erik knows he could continue to assist- engaging Charles in amiable conversation in order to take his mind off of everything that's happened- but to do so would be dangerous for a multitude of reasons. Erik and Charles do not _talk_ , they do not exchange pleasantries and easy information, they only argue, disagree, and fight. Erik does not tell Charles about himself, about everything he's been through and everything he's experienced. They are not friends, they never have been, and it'll be easier for Erik to get through however long he's going to be stuck in close quarters with Charles if they can maintain an appropriate amount of distance.

“Just be quiet”, Erik grumbles. “It's a long drive and I need to concentrate”.

Even without turning Erik can see Charles' eyebrows raise mildly in surprise, and the hurt that registers briefly on his face is unmistakable. But Erik remains staring resolutely out the window, telling himself that it will be easier on the both of them if they don't allow the lines to blur between what they already are, and what they could never be.

 

The rest of the journey passes in silence, and though it's uncomfortable and somewhat awkward Erik is determined to see it through, and to not apologise to Charles even though he feels like he might want to... Eventually Erik looks up at the rear view mirror and watches as the follow car pulls away, leaving Erik and Charles alone for the remainder of the trip. It would be as good an opportunity as any to finally speak to Charles, to reassure him that everything’s going to be okay, but as it is Erik says nothing and after a while Charles draws his knees up to his chest and huddles up in the passenger seat, before eventually his breaths start to come out slow and soft and Erik is sure he is sleeping.

Erik has never seen Charles when he is asleep before, given every encounter they have ever shared has ended with Erik leaving as soon as they are through. Consequently Erik can't help but steal little glances at Charles as he is driving, at Charles' relaxed face brightened by the sunlight that seems to illuminate every one of his freckles. It's only early in the morning and already it's an unseasonably hot day, the cold spells and heavy downpours of a few weeks ago firmly out of sight, and Erik is looking forward to getting out of the hot car and spending a long spell relaxing, particularly given he barely slept the previous night in the uncomfortable holding area with armed guards watching over him. Of course Erik would prefer it if he were heading to his new temporary home alone but he knows that cannot be helped, so he simply works on swallowing down his reservations, and tries not to find too much enjoyment in being able to reach over to touch Charles to wake him as they arrive...

As soon as they are both out of the car Charles folds both arms over his head as he stretches luxuriantly, prompting his shirt to lift up and exposing the soft rise of his belly and the bruises there that Erik tries to pretend he hasn't noticed. Instead Erik turns away to regard the cabin in front of them, noting how different their surroundings are to Erik's usual home in the city, as evidenced by the quiet serenity all around them disrupted only by the melodic sound of birdsong. As Erik gazes around at the picturesque scene he tells himself that maybe this is a good thing, that perhaps he could think of his forced segregation as a kind of long-overdue break; a way for Erik to escape the pressures of his everyday life. But then Charles steps into Erik's viewpoint and smiles up at him in that alluring and infuriating way he does sometimes, and Erik knows this is likely to be the furthest thing from a vacation.

Things don’t get any better once they are inside the cabin. Charles wanders around the space ahead of Erik, running his hands over all the rustic furniture, babbling on about how quaint and lovely everything is and what a nice time they're going to have like they’ve just checked into some kind of resort. He seems far too happy for someone who was attacked less than twenty-four hours ago, and his good mood suggests to Erik that maybe Charles has more than a few ideas about just what they’re going to do to pass the time whilst they are in hiding...

The time that Charles and Erik have spent together in the past has always come in one of two forms- fighting or fucking. Now that Charles and Erik are cooped up together they certainly aren't going to be taking part in any debates, so it stands to reason that Charles would be inclined to assume that means their interactions will automatically divert to the secondary, particularly if the way he keeps smiling at Erik is any indication. But above all else Erik knows that absolutely, definitely isn't going to happen. It is one thing to just mindlessly fuck Charles a few random evenings a month, but another entirely to engage in sexual contact when they are stuck living together for god only knows how long. It's a dangerous start on a path leading who knows where, and Erik will not take the first step- no matter what Charles says or does.

“I'm not having sex with you”.

In response to Erik's words Charles' eyes widen in surprise from where he is sitting on the kitchen counter, the expression on his face one of complete bemusement.

“Umm that's good to know, but I don't recall asking you to...” Charles replies slowly.

It's early in the afternoon and, after spending the morning settling in to their new accommodation, Erik is in the middle of preparing lunch for the two of them. Of course, the task would be made that much easier had Charles not decided that his sweet tooth and desire to cool down was more important than appropriate dinner etiquette, prompting him to take up station sitting on the kitchen counter, sucking leisurely on a large ice lolly as he watches Erik cook. It’s maddening to say the least- the sight of Charles in a thin shirt and sinfully brief shorts, sliding a large pink popsicle in and out of his mouth- and more than once Erik has had to spend some time standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open, hoping that the cold might dissuade his cock from hardening... Plus it doesn't help that Erik can see all too clearly what Charles is doing, and it's almost insulting that he apparently thinks Erik would be won over so easily.

“Yes, well- you must have been thinking about it”, Erik says, glaring at Charles until he is distracted by the sight of Charles' pink tongue darting out to chase away some of the moisture that has accumulated on his lower lip.

“No... But now I'm starting to think that you have”.

Charles immediately starts to smile, lowering his eyelids so the line of his lashes is dark against his freckled cheek, and as he slowly slides the ice lolly back inside his mouth the irritation mixed with arousal runs over Erik in waves. During their previous encounters Charles has often had a tendency to be teasing, not unaccustomed to pausing just before he fucks Erik, leaning over Erik's body and rubbing his cock along the line in-between Erik's buttocks, murmuring about how gorgeous Erik is, and how he never would have imagined that Erik would turn out to be such a perfect little cockslut. Clearly this occasion is no different, and as the memory surges the heat rises in Erik's face, prompting him to turn away from the sight of Charles as he attempts to distract himself by pretending to search for something in the cupboards.

“I'm not having sex with you...” Erik says again, more to himself than Charles, even though he knows he's the one who made sure to bring lube and condoms with him when he was packing his bag.

Charles laughs but Erik doesn't turn around. He can't- not when he knows the only way he could conceal his growing member is probably by hanging a large oven glove off it...

 

The dynamic continues for the rest of the day, and Erik finds he is wholly unsurprised by the way he and Charles seem to be engaged in a constant battle- a different kind of conflict to their usual disagreements. This time it is not mutant testing and registration programmes and legal loopholes that he and Charles clash over, it's sleeping arrangements and mutual privacy and Charles' tendency to deposit his belongings fucking _everywhere_. The cabin is composed of one large kitchen combined with living/dining room, along with a bedroom and bathroom at the back of the property. A wooden staircase leads upstairs to where there is a further bedroom with en-suite, and though it's all very nice it's not exactly roomy. Consequently Erik finds that everywhere he goes Charles is there, always smiling at Erik like he has just discovered something wonderfully amusing, causing Erik to scowl immediately in response.

It just doesn't help that Charles is so unbelievably upbeat about _everything_. As he and Erik settle into their new dwelling it becomes clear that Charles sees no problems whatsoever with their temporary home not having a television or an internet connection or air conditioning, and that’s the least of their apparent issues.

“There's no shower...” Erik grumbles.

Charles looks over at where Erik is standing in the doorway to the bathroom with his arms folded across his chest.

“There's a bath”, Charles replies, smiling at Erik pleasantly as he continues to place toiletries into the cabinet above the sink.

“Hmph. Baths are a useless commodity”.

“Do you have to be so negative about everything? This place isn't so bad, you know”.

“Charles, this isn't a fucking holiday home”, Erik growls. “We're not here because we're on fucking honeymoon”.

“If we were you certainly wouldn't be starting off our marriage on the right note... Keep this grumpy mood up and the whole thing is going to remain strictly unconsummated”.

“Charles, I'm not--”

“Yes, yes, I know- you're not having sex with me, you said that already”, Charles sighs, the first suggestion of irritation beginning to creep into his voice. “Look, all I'm saying is we don't know how long we're going to be here so maybe you could make things easier on us both by being a bit nicer to me”.

“Right, so I stop scowling at you and in return- what? You'll stop acting like you're at fucking Disneyland?”

“Well that's a little ridiculous... If I were at Disneyland I would expect at least a stick of candyfloss and a blowy around the back of Splash Mountain”.

There are many occasions when Erik has questioned his decision to be involved with Charles, unable to contemplate why his dick keeps driving him towards someone so wholly incompatible with himself, and this moment is no different. As Erik stares over at Charles he feels the rage rise within his body, the sensation like heat burning through his veins, and the feeling only gets worse as Charles begins to smile, a wide grin spreading over his face. Erik wants to grab Charles and shake him, or expend his frustrations in _other_ ways, but he cannot because this time is different, and Erik knows why.

“You could have died...” Erik says quietly.

Instantly the expression of amusement on Charles’ face fades as he looks at Erik in surprise.

“Huh?”

“You're acting like this is some big joke, like we're here just for the fun of it, but you could have died. We need to stay in this _verdammt_ cabin because there's some asshole out there trying to kill us both, and whilst I know I can defend myself I'm not sure that you can. So for fuck's sake stop messing around and take this seriously for once, because I-- because _they_ need you- the mutant race- and you owe it to them to survive”.

For a moment Charles simply gazes back at Erik, frozen in place as if completely captivated, unable to formulate a response. As Erik unfolds his arms he is disturbed to realise that he is shaking, evident tremors causing his hands to waver, and so quickly he crosses his arms once more, jamming his trembling hands tight against his own body in an attempt to hide them.

“Erik... Darling, I'm _okay_ ”.

Erik flinches as if he has just been struck, because although endearments have always come easily to Charles, regardless Erik has never gotten used to them.

“I don't care”, Erik replies, before he turns and walks away.

If the statement is as unconvincing as it feels to Erik, it's perhaps a mercy that Charles never calls him on it.

 

It's easy for Erik to _say_ he doesn't care about Charles. Proving it though is perhaps much harder.

After the incident in the bathroom Charles is quieter, more considerate, but that only makes things more difficult for Erik because it's hard to hate Charles when he is being so pleasant. Erik is used to the Charles he has known all along- the spoilt brat who conducts himself with an air of arrogance, and who appears to find great pleasure in teasing Erik incessantly. However for the rest of the day Charles is on his best behaviour, and every time he speaks to Erik he is kind and courteous, making it very difficult for Erik to be rude to him.

Not that Erik has ever needed much encouragement in that regard, of course. Scowling comes easier than smiling, and consequently not even Charles' agreeable temperament is enough to break through Erik's sullen indifference. More than once Charles attempts to engage Erik in amiable conversation, and a few times he even tries to persuade Erik to join him in a game of chess, but all advances are rebuffed. It's easier for Erik if he can maintain a distance between himself and Charles, even when they are at most points only metres apart, and that means ignoring Charles as much as possible.

Naturally though, such remoteness is not always easy to maintain. After a long day, the majority of which has been spent driving, when the night draws in Erik is keen to retire to his room where he can be left alone for eight hours at least- or longer, if Charles’ reputation for being a late riser has any truth in it. After wishing Charles a gruff “good night” Erik heads into the bathroom, intending to spend some time attempting to mould the metal towel rail into a workable shower nozzle, but in the end the heat and exhaustion of the day is too much and so Erik gives up, brushes his teeth, and heads for his bedroom. On the way there Erik can't help glancing into Charles' room, and as soon as he does he realises he's not going to be sleeping any time soon.

As Erik slowly pushes open the door to the bedroom he sees Charles standing there, dressed in only a pair of plaid pyjama bottoms, and though that sight would usually be compelling enough as it is Erik finds himself lingering for a different reason this time. Because across the lower half of Charles’ back, running from his spine to the point of his hip, is a large, red wound- too fresh to be a scar just yet. Even from afar Erik can see the stitches that tell him it's not just some minor injury; a glancing graze that can be cured with little more than antiseptic alone. It was bad enough seeing the bruises and abrasions Charles has on his face, but knowing that he is even more injured than Erik first thought is oddly painful.

It seems that Charles hasn't noticed Erik standing there as he doesn't turn around, instead he remains standing by the bed as he reaches back with a large cotton pad in his hand. Littered across the mattress Erik can see bloody bandages and bottles of antibacterial solution suggesting that Charles is in the midst of changing his dressing, though he seems to be doing a piss poor job of it given the way he is apparently only able to press the pad to his wound for a fraction of a second at a time before wincing, his face screwing up with discomfort. Though Erik wishes it wasn't the case, though it would make things less complicated in so many ways, he knows he dislikes seeing Charles in pain, and consequently he realises he will do what he has to in order to make Charles feel better.

Erik doesn't say a word as he enters the room and walks over to Charles, registering the look of surprise on Charles’ face as he turns towards Erik, his eyes widening. Charles continues to stare in open astonishment as Erik shifts some items so he can sit down on the edge of the bed, taking the cotton pad from Charles’ hand and bringing it slowly to Charles' back, pressing down gently. Instantly Charles flinches, a strained hissing sound leaving his lips, and instinctively Erik raises his other hand and places it on Charles’ waist, squeezing gently in an effort to distract Charles, or to soothe him.

It's quiet in the room as Erik carefully cleans Charles’ wound, as Erik retrieves clean bandages and begins to apply them. At some point Charles reaches back and slides his fingers into Erik's hair, perhaps for support or maybe something else, and it's somehow both the least and most complicated their involvement with each other has ever been. Outside the night is still and serene, no sound but the occasionally hum of insects and the rush of a gentle breeze moving through the trees, and the odd kind of hush makes it seem like there is no one in the world but them alone. For the first time, Erik almost wishes that were the case.

When Erik finishes dressing Charles’ injury he stands up without comment, trying not to lament the moment when Charles’ fingers slide from his hair, exacerbating their separation. Erik can sense Charles watching him but he cannot meet his eyes this time, not when he knows the expression on Charles’ face is unlikely to be sly and teasing for once, as Erik is accustomed to. There's comfort in familiarity and so much danger in the unknown, and consequently Erik knows it's safer to remain avoidant, even though a small part of himself wonders what it would be like to stop resisting. But it's the end of a long day and Erik knows questions can only lead to complications, and so he simply wanders over towards the door without further comment, knowing it is easier that way.

“Thank you...” Charles says softly as Erik walks away.

For a moment Erik lingers, fingers gripping the doorframe.

“ _Bitte schön_...” Erik murmurs. And then, he is gone.

 

The moment when Erik finally retires to his room that night comes as a relief for so many reasons, though it is not without its own complications. The soaring temperatures of the early afternoon have barely dissipated, and given Erik's room is located near enough in the eaves of the roof it proves to be almost unbearably hot. Even with the windows open the space is stifling and oppressively warm, meaning for a long time after Erik has climbed to bed he can only lie there, sweat steadily dampening the sheets beneath his body as he writhes uncomfortably, unable to sleep.

After a while Erik decides that distraction might be the best way to drift off- exhaustion of the mind as well as the body- but in a secluded cabin in the middle of the night options for entertainment are distinctly limited. There's no television in Erik's room and books hold little appeal, and so in the end Erik settles for an old, familiar habit- one that he cannot seem to break no matter how hard he tries. Though the part of Erik that is still sullen and resentful remains somewhat resilient he cannot help reaching for his phone, and though he tells himself it is the last time deep down Erik knows it is not.

Just a short distance away there is a body that is soft and warm, a body that Erik could go downstairs and attempt to crawl into bed with, but somehow the Charles that exists close by is too complicated, too _real_. The Charles on Erik's phone is safer somehow- a presence that Erik can look upon and covet, without worrying too much about the inherent entanglements that come as part of their usual interactions. It is easier to flick through images of Charles naked and spread across anonymous hotel beds, skin flushed and marked with Erik’s come. It is simpler to watch videos of Charles smiling widely as he gazes up at Erik, his hand slowly stroking his own cock as he takes Erik's in his mouth. It’s a pleasant kind of deception for Erik to tell himself that it is just sexual release he seeks- a lie made apparent in the point when Erik sighs loudly and dumps his phone back on the bedside table, remaining unsated and unfulfilled- but he tells himself tomorrow will be different, as all days never are.

 

In truth, there is nothing that appears to alter with the bright light of a burgeoning new day. Erik awakens early and heads downstairs, concluding from the soft sounds of gentle breathing coming from within Charles’ room that he is still sleeping. The fact that Charles' door has been left partially open makes Erik pause for a moment, contemplating looking inside, wondering why Charles hasn't closed it. In the end Erik concludes that it must be in an attempt to combat the heat and nothing else, and so he puts the matter from mind as he heads out on his morning run.

The one benefit of being stuck in a safehouse in the middle of nowhere is that, for once, Erik's early exercise is not conducted in some sweaty gym or through streets choked with car fumes. Instead the air is clean and pure as Erik jogs through the winding path that leads from the cabin to the nearby lake and back again, the only signs of life Erik sees on his journey being intermittent wildlife. As he runs Erik allows himself to hope that when he returns to the cabin the rest of the day will be as good as its start, but perhaps Erik should have realised that nothing in his life ever tends to work out that well...

 

For the next two days Erik attempts to settle into his new life ‘living' with Charles, but the experience remains trying to say the least... Charles seems to alternate between two moods- teasing and quietly contemplative- and it's confusing trying to predict which Erik will be faced with each time they interact. Not that there is necessarily that much interaction to speak of. For the most part Erik tries to spend his time alone, busying himself with reading books and studying the files he brought with him that contain details of the Brotherhood's future plans. It seems like the only break Erik really gets within each decidedly mundane day is the occasions when he will wander away from the cabin to reach higher ground, attempting to get a signal on his phone so he can speak to Emma. There’s a landline phone within the cabin of course that Erik could certainly use, but the idea of Charles listening in whilst Erik scowls interminably in response to Emma's constant mocking is not a pleasant one.

Because that is what happens, after all. In total Erik manages perhaps a twenty minute phone call with Emma each day, and the majority of that seems to be spent refuting Emma's claims that Erik must be out of breath from blowing Charles rather than the excursion of the trek up the hillside... When Emma is eventually swayed from the subject of Charles and Erik’s apparent sexcapades they instead talk about the current situation and what the police are doing to resolve it- not that Erik has much confidence in their efforts, of course.

There are numerous suspects who harbour enough resentment towards Erik and Charles to want to do them harm- human supremacists, most of all- but though the authorities appear to be heading down that particular line of questioning both Erik and Emma are inclined to believe that someone else may be at fault. It is never discussed, not explicitly, because to say it out loud would be to admit that the blame for Charles’ injury is directly attributable to Erik and his past, and Erik already feels bad enough about the situation as it is. It's probably for that reason why Erik finds it so hard to engage with Charles, because every time Erik looks at Charles he sees the bruises on Charles’ face and cannot shake the sense of culpable guilt that consumes him. He tries to exorcise the feeling every time he sits in Charles’ bedroom and carefully cleans and dresses the wound on his back, but more than once Erik finds he is too rough with Charles and he only hurts him more, and it reminds Erik that he is not capable of holding precious things without breaking them.

And so, Erik goes to bed each night thinking of the failures he has made and how he is continuing to pay for them, as evidenced by the penance he suffers at the hands of the interminable heat that still turns Erik's bedroom into an oppressive environment. In two nights Erik has barely slept, and so on the third he tires of the situation and instead decides to head downstairs, hoping he will fare better on the sofa. The temperature is certainly better in the living room, and Erik is relieved to be able to lie there and slowly start to drift off at last, meaning that he should finally be able to get a restful night's sleep for once. Of course that is the intention, but Erik has barely started to fall asleep when he senses a presence standing very close by, and his eyes snap open to regard--

“Charles?”

Charles smiles down at Erik, and Erik wishes that the sight of Charles wearing patterned pyjama shorts and a t-shirt with his hair in disarray wasn't _quite_ so compelling. Because Charles looks so sweet and so sleep rumpled that Erik can think of nothing more gratifying than the idea of taking Charles by the hand and pulling him back into his bedroom, even though that would surely only lead to further complications.

“What are you doing out here?” Charles asks, smiling at Erik as if he already knows exactly why and he finds it endlessly amusing.

“What's it to you? Shouldn't you be sleeping?”

“Usually, yes- but I could hear you muttering and writhing around out here and it was putting a real kink in my sleeping pattern, so I decided to come out to see if I could help. I take it your accommodation is not up to standard?”

“Too fucking hot...” Erik grumbles, shifting in an attempt to get more comfortable on the couch.

“Ah yes- well it's kind of known that heat rises, after all. As it happens my room is rather cool, being on the ground floor as it is. Do you want to come stay with me?”

Erik can't help but stare at Charles in response, his brows drawing together in a frown that betrays his suspicions.

“I already told you- I'm not having sex with you...”

Charles sighs loudly, rolling his eyes at Erik as he folds his arms across his chest, causing his shirt to rise up slightly and distracting Erik as his eyes briefly flick down to regard the exposed strip of Charles' belly.

“Yes, yes- you said that before....” Charles mutters. “Frankly the fact that you think it warrants repetition suggests to me that you've been dwelling on the subject a lot more than I have... Look, you don’t need to lie there glaring daggers at me like you think I’ve invented global warming just to get you into bed. It's stupidly hot upstairs and you've clearly not been sleeping well given how grumpy you've been the past couple of days, so all I'm suggesting is you stay in my room, in my bed, and we go to sleep. We can even put a line of pillows down the middle of the bed if it makes you feel better about it”.

“I'm fine here...” Erik replies, unable to admit to himself that the idea Charles has proposed is very appealing indeed.

“Erik, don't be so stubborn your whole life... This sofa isn't exactly an ideal place to sleep, and I don't want you putting your back out at your old age”.

“Who are you calling ‘old'? You're only three months younger than me...”

Immediately Charles starts to smile, the expression wide and luminous and apparent even in the dim light.

“Aww, you memorised when my birthday is? How sweet...”

Erik opens his mouth to offer countenance but he finds that he has none, and all he can do is stare mutely at Charles, hoping that it is dark enough in the room to obscure the flush that steadily rises in his face. Eventually Charles steps closer to Erik, his expression softening as he lingers tentatively by the edge of the sofa.

“Erik, it's just sleep...” Charles says gently. “What's the worse that could happen?”

 

The answer to that question is one that Erik is still pondering some time later as he lies in bed, remaining resolutely on his back, his head deliberately turned in the direction of the door and not towards where Charles is sprawled across the mattress next to him. Erik has never shared a bed with Charles before, has never seen much use in its function other than as a surface he can push Charles down onto when he fucks him, so the whole experience is distinctly new territory. Consequently Erik finds it hard to adjust to the presence of Charles lying close by, the little murmuring sounds he makes as he settles down, the warmth of Charles’ body that Erik can't help wanting to move closer to. But resolve leaves Erik where he is, where it is safer, and where further complications cannot arise.

At least, that is the plan, but after a few minutes Erik feels Charles move closer, senses the low huff of his breath against Erik's shoulder, and then comes Charles’ hand- reaching over, sliding under the bedsheets, and taking hold...

“Charles, what are you doing?” Erik mumbles, turning his head to regard the sight of Charles lying on his side with his face turned into the pillow, his arm draped over Erik’s waist and his hand placed on Erik's crotch over his clothing.

“Just checking it's still working...” Charles replies. “The last few days I haven’t been so sure”.

“You said you weren't going to try anything...”

“Mm, I know... But I can't stop thinking about the time during that conference in California, when we couldn't make it to the hotel so instead we fooled around in a supply closet. You fucked my mouth and came over my face, and I had to go back into the convention hall afterwards knowing what we'd just done, and hoping no one had overheard us”.

As Erik listens to Charles speak he can't help but groan quietly as he recalls the occasion, memories surging to the forefront of his mind, and blood surging somewhere else...

“Mmm, I take it you remember then...?” Charles murmurs happily, his hand gently squeezing the sizeable bulge of Erik's crotch as his cock begins to harden. “Look, I'm not saying I want to put some romantic music on, light some candles, and make love in soft light, but you're hard and I’m horny. Can I please just suck your dick?”

Without further comment Charles flings the bedsheets off Erik's body and shifts over, taking up residence in-between the legs that Erik spreads without thinking, just responding instinctively. It’s dark in the room but low light from the open curtains allows Erik to see Charles' face, and the sinfully seductive expression on it as he lies there and gazes up at Erik, his hand steadily palming Erik’s covered cock and his eyebrows raised in a question.

“Charles... We shouldn't...”

“Why not? Because you can't just fuck me and leave this time? Because you'd have to actually see me in the morning? That doesn't change anything, Erik- I'm not going to suddenly get all mushy on you because we slept together in the non-carnal sense for once. It's just _sex_ , darling. Nothing more”.

Charles' words are both crushing and elating, because although it makes things easier for Erik to know that the involvement he and Charles share essentially means _nothing_ to Charles, somehow it hurts too. There has always been a small part of Erik that has allowed himself to believe that maybe, one day, he and Charles might reach a point where they are actually able to agree on something, on anything, and that as a result Erik might then regard Charles as more than just a fuck buddy. But even if that were to happen it is clear now that it doesn't matter anyway, because Charles does not feel the same way. Consequently, perhaps there is no reason for Erik to hold out any longer- particularly when the most he will ever be able to have is already in his hands.

“Alright...” Erik says quietly.

In response Charles visibly beams, and wastes no time in pulling Erik's sweatpants down at the waist, freeing his hard cock which drops back to rest against his stomach. In an instant Charles has taken the length in his mouth, sucking leisurely as he uses his hand to gently squeeze Erik’s balls, easing him into it. Charles has always been incredible at giving head, just one of his many, many talents, and it is easy for Erik to just relax and let it happen, even if his mind whirls with uncertainty, feeling like he has just lost something he has never really had in the first place. But now is not the time for contemplation, just for giving in to the kind of pure pleasure only Charles can provide.

As the blowjob continues Erik slides his hand into Charles’ hair, tugging gently as Charles moans and takes Erik deeper, swallowing around Erik's cock as it slides down his throat. It’s been weeks since Erik and Charles were last together and so Erik knows that it isn't going to take much to get him off, particularly as just being in Charles’ bed, lying in sheets that _smell_ like Charles, is damn-near intoxicating. Erik groans as Charles sucks him, unable to refrain from thrusting up into Charles’ gorgeous mouth, fingers gripping his hair even tighter. In just a short while Erik knows he will be reaching climax, he can feel the pressure building promisingly in the base of his cock, his balls drawing up tighter into his body, but just as Erik is about to gasp out that he's coming Charles unexpectedly withdraws, and Erik almost yells in frustration instead.

“ _Gott im Himmel_ , what the fuck, Charles??”

“You know, I was just thinking about what you were saying...” Charles says, moving so he is knelt in-between Erik's legs. “Maybe you're right. Maybe we shouldn't do this”.

“We already _are_ doing this”, Erik growls, glaring at Charles as meanwhile his cock physically _aches_ for contact. “You can't just stop now”.

“And why not? Because it's what you want? What about what _I_ want?”

“Charles, what in _Gott's_ name are you talking about?”

Charles lowers his eyes, his face contemplative as he starts to chew on his lower lip, and it's remarkable to Erik how Charles can suddenly go from flirtatious and teasing one moment to quiet and reserved the next.

“You never talk to me...” Charles replies eventually. “Even before, when we'd meet for those debates, we always used to talk- even if a lot of it could mostly be passed off as arguing. But now, since we arrived at the cabin, you don't say _anything_. I don't know what it is that you're so afraid of, or what you’re trying to prevent, but it needs to stop. If you make me spend the next few weeks or however long we're going to be here in complete silence I'm going to go crazy”.

Erik can't help but gaze at Charles in disbelief.

“So that’s what this is about?” Erik asks. “This was, what- some kind of game to you? A way to gain leverage?”

Charles shrugs. “Not exactly... I really did want to suck your cock. But I also thought it might provide a helpful learning opportunity, for both of us”.

“So...” Charles continues, looking up to meet Erik's eyes at last. “Do we have an understanding? Are you going to be nicer to me?”

Though Erik is still very irritated with Charles and he would like to remain so, there’s a part of him that can understand where Charles is coming from. Erik hasn't exactly been very approachable since they arrived at the cabin, and he has even acted downright hostile at times, so it stands to reason Charles would ask him to be a bit kinder. Perhaps then it also stands to reason that Erik should make an effort to at least _try_.

“Fine...” Erik grumbles. “I'll be... _nice_ ”.

Erik has probably never been ‘nice' during any of the later years of his life, something Charles must undoubtedly be aware of, but evidently the fact that Erik is going to attempt as much is reassurance enough, as Charles immediately smiles at Erik and leans over to press a brief kiss to his forehead. As soon as Charles is close enough Erik can't help but breathe him in, inhaling the sweet scent of Charles’ skin and wishing things between them were simpler somehow, like they have never been. But the feeling only lasts for a moment because then Charles withdraws, moving to lie down on his side once more, facing away from Erik this time.

“Uh, Charles...?”

“Huh? Oh, right- of course”.

Charles sits up again before he shifts over towards Erik, and Erik can't help but let out a sigh of relief as he feels Charles' warm breath against his member once more. But to Erik's immense frustration Charles does not take the length in his mouth again, he instead presses his lips to the shaft of Erik's cock in a brief, simple kiss.

“Night night, gorgeous...” Charles whispers.

Erik is so taken aback he cannot even attempt to respond as Charles moves away once more, though he catches sight of the wide grin on Charles’ face as he settles down. And just like that Erik is back to feeling how he always used to with Charles- a mixture of rage and frustration and arousal, all things much easier to deal with than the moments when Erik lets himself consider that he might actually _like_ Charles, in any real way. But as Erik lies there staring at Charles’ prone form he knows one thing above all else- that he and Charles better get out of the safehouse soon before one of them kills the other...


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

Being friendly, as a concept, is somewhat foreign to Erik.

Recently he has had to get used to people approaching him, strangers asking for his picture or wanting to discuss mutant issues- some supportive, others not so- but he has never really welcomed such behaviour. To that end Erik has certainly never lowered the barriers he keeps up around himself; the residual experience of past years that tells him to be cautious, to be mistrustful of others. He has never made himself into someone approachable, someone others naturally gravitate towards. For that reason, it is hard for Erik to understand why Charles covets his companionship so readily.

Because it's clear that's what Charles craves, not just because of the night he asked Erik to be nicer to him but because it is evident in almost everything Charles says or does. During the entirety of the first week they are at the cabin Charles barely makes a move without first asking Erik what he thinks about it, if he wants to participate, if they can spend their time together. It should be stifling but strangely it's not- somehow Erik doesn't mind that when he reads in the living room Charles is there, when he cooks in the kitchen Charles is there, when he attempts to get the ridiculous ‘solar shower' outside the cabin working Charles is there- though he perhaps wishes Charles was absent on that occasion alone because it would be preferable to being laughed at as the device spectacularly fails, dumping lukewarm water all over Erik... After that comes a lengthy spell that Erik spends in the bathroom moulding metal to form a workable shower hose, and even once Erik has finally had his first real shower he opens the door afterwards to find Charles sitting on the floor, waiting.

Somewhere around the fifth day, Erik realises it goes much further than companionship- and not in the way Erik initially thought it might. Though Charles takes great care to present an image of someone who is wholly unflappable- a composed, confident individual who fears nothing- it is clear that the attempt on his life has rattled him. It is obvious now that Erik is sleeping in Charles' bed each night, because more than once Erik awakens to find Charles squirming on the mattress next to himself, the expression on his face tense as low murmurs and mutters leave his mouth. Occasionally Erik senses something too- a feeling of panic accompanied by images that flit through his mind of a dark room and a masked man clutching a menacing looking syringe. Strangely, like many things about Erik’s ‘new life’ with Charles, the imposition of perceiving thoughts and memories pushed out by Charles' telepathy does not bother him. If anything Erik sees the incidents as something to revere, because they at least allow Erik to hope that Charles' torment is not something that he is suffering alone.

But though Erik is content enough to allow Charles to be an almost ever-present aspect of his daily life, like a sunflower constantly cast in imposing shadow, that doesn't mean that Erik has been able to master the ‘being nice' part of his obligation. When Charles speaks to Erik he is no longer met with a sullen grunt, or a one-word response at most, but there's a big difference between that and actually engaging with Charles as Erik knows only too well. Even without pondering the subject too deeply Erik knows the reason why he's still trying to maintain some kind of distance between himself and Charles- like he believes there is safety in seclusion. But perhaps the time for that kind of preventative measure has passed, perhaps that was back before Erik found himself waking up each morning to the sight of Charles lying next to himself, serene and relaxed in sleep, his hand turned palm-up on the mattress in supplication. Perhaps it was before Erik found himself lying there staring at the scar on Charles' back, and making a silent vow to himself that he will never allow Charles to come to harm ever again.

It's likely for that reason why Erik finds himself holding back, responding to Charles but not really engaging with him, keeping Charles at bay. Of course, such resistance can only last for so long, and therefore it is only a matter of time before things change, and Erik gives in at last...

 

The shift happens on a Saturday morning, when Erik is sat at the kitchen table, passing time by reading the newspaper that was dropped off with a cache of supplies earlier that day. In front of Erik there are books and papers and empty cups spread all across the entire surface, a disorganised mess that Erik normally would not abide and that can be attributed to one person and one person only, and though Erik wishes he could remain as irritated as he usually is he finds that the situation isn’t quite as vexing as it once was.

“Can you pass me the sugar please, darling?”

Erik flinches, uncomfortable with the familiarity with which Charles just spoke to him, like the simple domesticity of their situation is one to which they belong, and not one that has been forced upon them.

“Get it yourself...” Erik grumbles.

Charles pulls a face at Erik. “Alright, grumpy- what's up with you? I would ask if you got out of the wrong side of bed this morning but you only have access to one side, unless you'd like to roll over and spoon me sometime...”

Erik shoots Charles a withering look and turns his attention back towards his newspaper once more, or at least that is the impression he hopes to give out... In truth Erik instead finds that he can't help tracking Charles’ movements subtly, watching as Charles tilts his head to the side as he stares at Erik, his hand constantly moving as he taps a pen against his lower lip.

“You would really begrudge me something sweet...?” Charles asks eventually.

Erik shrugs. “Can't help you- it’s the Sabbath, I can't do any work today”.

“Ha, right”, Charles replies, grinning widely. “You didn't seem so concerned with preserving the holy day that time in Philadelphia, when you spent almost all of Friday night giving me the best head of my life. A blowjob is still a job, Erik...” Charles finishes wryly, drawing his tongue slowly across his lower lip as his eyes briefly drop to regard Erik's mouth.

The words, like all of the encounters Charles references so casually, immediately prompts memories to surge to the forefront of Erik’s mind- recollection of Charles spread naked across silk sheets, his wrists restrained by metal wires to keep him bound to the bed. At the time Erik told himself he was doing it to torment Charles, to torture him by constantly bringing him to the brink of orgasm without letting him cross over, but even now Erik remembers how he couldn't help but let Charles come in the end, how incredible it was to watch, the _sounds_ Charles had made, and how Erik had never been more aroused by anything in his life.

Erik keeps watching as Charles stands up and reaches over to get the sugar before sitting down again, prompting Erik to resolutely return to pretending to read his newspaper once more. As soon as Charles has sweetened his tea to his liking he takes a sip before picking up his pen, continuing to tap it against his lower lip as he looks down at the notebook spread open in front of him which he has been writing in for the past thirty minutes or so- something Erik tries to pretend he isn't curious about when he knows that he is. To ask Charles about what he's doing would be to potentially open up a more in-depth kind of conversation they have shared so far, and Erik is keen to remain in more neutral territory- particularly if it gives him the opportunity to berate Charles some more.

“You have far too much sugar in your diet”, Erik says eventually, continuing to stare down at the pages of the newspaper.

Erik senses rather than sees Charles look up, and even without looking Erik is sure that the expression on Charles’ face is one of mild annoyance.

“Two spoonfuls of sugar in my tea isn't exactly going to kill me, Erik...”

“It’s not just the tea... You only eat a proper meal when I prepare one for you, otherwise you seem to exist solely on tea and biscuits and chocolate and fucking pop tarts, which are just about the most nutritiously worthless thing you could possibly put in your body... I would have thought someone with your amount of wealth would be able to afford to eat properly, or at least to take a cooking class every once in a while”.

During the time Erik has known Charles he has come to expect the little sparring matches that often break out between them, even look forward to them sometimes, so naturally he knows how this particular encounter is going to go- in a fraction of a second Charles will be responding with some pithy putdown or another to firmly put Erik back in his place. But when it doesn't come Erik lowers his newspaper and looks up at Charles, finding that strangely Charles seems to be less than combative in response. In fact, if Erik didn't know any better he would say Charles looks almost... _hurt_.

“I suppose I should be flattered that you're concerned for my health...” Charles says eventually, his tone of voice oddly defeated. “After all, it's not like my mother ever showed any interest in my wellbeing. I was well-fed, of course- our many cooks saw to that- but I never learned to actually prepare food for myself, not with any real skill anyway”.

The disclosure about Charles’ family life is more than he has ever revealed to Erik before, particularly as they do not usually share private information, and Erik knows how he’s supposed to respond- he's meant to tell Charles how sorry he is to hear of Charles' sad childhood and apologise for mocking him. The only problem is Erik is still has a very hard time conjuring up sympathy for the most privileged person he has ever met in his life- someone who is not the least bit deserving of Erik's pity.

“I'm sorry life growing up in your _mansion_ was so hard...” Erik growls. “It must have been really difficult not knowing which Michelin-starred chef was going to cook for you each night”.

“Is that what you think of me? You think I'm just some spoilt little rich kid, whose entitlement completely distorts his view of the real world?”

Erik shrugs, already starting to feel like he has gone too far but not knowing how to stop.

“Things must seem pretty different up in your ivory tower”, Erik replies callously. “After all, only a considerable amount of privilege could have led you to believe that donating money to Trask Industries was a good idea”.

The subject is one that has plagued Erik's mind on and off for days, weeks even, but one that he never really intended to bring up with Charles. Not just because the topic still makes Erik unbelievably angry, but because there has always been a small part of himself that feared the discussion of such might enable Charles to reason with Erik, to explain himself somehow, and Erik is wary of anything that will lessen the ire he feels towards his sworn enemy. Now though the matter is out in the open, it is very much on the agenda, and Erik can only watch as Charles leans back in his chair, his expression composed but troubled, as if he is debating something within his own mind.

“Erik, I would like to think that you know you can talk to me about anything...” Charles says softly. “However I suspect that's not true as you're clearly upset and you must have known about this for some time... Why didn't you say something?”

“You don't owe me anything. I'm not going to run to you for explanation every time you do something I don't like- if I did I'm sure I'd get very little else done each day”.

“Mm, I suppose that makes sense- if we fought through every little dissimilarity between us then when we would we have time for all of the amazing angry sex? But I'm not talking about our usual kind of disagreements. This is different, isn't it? The way that you feel is--”

“Are you reading my mind?” Erik snaps, dropping his newspaper on the table and pressing his forearms down against it, his fists clenching tight. It's something Erik has always wondered with Charles- how much of his own psyche is laid open to the telepath for him to search through as he pleases, and continually Erik finds he has to war with himself regarding how he feels about it, because it is one thing to say ‘Mutant and Proud' and another to really mean it when it comes to acceptance in all forms.

Charles sighs quietly, dropping his gaze as he smooths both hands over the pages of his notebook- the tremor running through his fingers only too evident.

“Erik, I’m well aware of how you feel about my telepathy...” Charles replies quietly. “Consequently I try very hard to ensure I keep an appropriate level of distance from the inner workings of your mind, only allowing myself to perceive emotions and the occasional surface thought- which I'm sure you can appreciate are hard to block out. As a result my perception of you is kind of like one of those mood rings my sister Raven had when she was little- I can sense things and do my best to deduce what they mean, but I don't have access to anything deeper than that. So you don't have to worry about feeling like I'm violating you...”

Erik doesn't need to be a telepath in return to recognise the look of hurt on Charles' face, the sadness in his eyes. It's the same expression Erik has seen before on the faces of numerous young mutants who have come to the Brotherhood seeing refuge, and Erik feels positively reprehensible that he alone has caused Charles to feel the same way.

“I'm sorry, Charles...” Erik says gently- the first time he has ever said anything of the sort to him. “I'm... I'm a dick”.

Charles' expression eases as he lets out a small laugh.

“Yes, a rather _huge_ dick, in fact... It's fine though. I'm pretty much used to people balking at my telepathy so--”

“I don't want to be like them”, Erik interrupts. “I want to be better. Truly- I'm sorry, Charles”.

When Charles finally looks up to meet Erik's eyes once more Erik is almost completely unprepared for the expression of gratitude there, the relief and contentment that reminds Erik that, for whatever reason, his opinion is something that Charles values- just like Erik values Charles' too. In that moment Erik realises he is reaching across the table, hand outstretched towards Charles as if he is waiting for Charles to grasp it, and though Erik doesn't remember doing it he is sensible enough to snatch his hand back as soon as he realises, even if he is sure he sees Charles' fingers flex briefly as if about to reach out in return.

Without uttering another word Erik returns his attention to his newspaper, to the same set of articles he has been attempting to read all morning now, because for the first time it feels like they are standing on some sort of precipice, about to take a leap into the unknown. It would be safer to remain where they are, where they have always been, but it is clear that this new line of communication that seems to be opening up between them is not one that Charles is so willing to ignore.

“Should we talk about the investment in Trask then?” Charles asks eventually.

Erik shrugs. “What's the point? It's your money and you can do what you want with it”.

“Yes, I know that, but still- it concerns me that you most likely think I've done something stupid, something that goes against everything that we stand for”.

“Well haven't you?”

“I'd like to think not... Erik, the thing about investment is this- sometimes the money is a donation; a no-strings-attached injection of cash to fund the operations of whatever business you're looking to support. Other times it's something else. So if, for example, you had a company with a suffering cashflow, who were looking to bring in some money from wealthy investors, they might decide to sell shares. Shares that give the holder a certain amount of involvement in the company, as well as access to information that is normally withheld from the general public...”

Erik glances up from his paper. “You bought shares in Trask?” he asks, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

Charles nods, smiling widely. “More than just a pretty face, aren’t I? Look, you know we've both spent the past few months trying to gain insight into Trask's operations, particularly as some of the things we've been hearing about sound distinctly suspicious... But there's only so much that can be gained through surveillance alone- sometimes you need to try a different approach, to see what you can learn from the _inside_. As part of my investment I was able to negotiate a change in staff, meaning an extra role within their Research department opened up. A role that is being filled this very moment by my beloved sister Raven- not that anyone else knows it's her, of course... They can't exactly screen for mutants during the interview process, not yet anyway, and so I was able to seamlessly fit Raven into the organisation, where she will remain, undercover, as she catalogues information and sends it to me. She's a wonderful spy, Erik. A wonderful person. You really must meet her someday”.

In the wake of Charles' words Erik can only stare, because suddenly all the anger and betrayal he's been feeling over the past few weeks seems woefully misplaced. It appears that Charles hasn’t let Erik down after all, he never did in the first place, he was always looking out for their cause it's just that he was able to think about it in a different way to Erik- approaching the situation calmly and methodically, rather than allowing anger to lead him as Erik does. Perhaps it's for that reason why Erik should do more than just argue with Charles all the time, perhaps listen to him occasionally, because it's clear that their differences might actually be entirely complimentary.

“I wish you'd just _talk_ to me sometimes...” Charles continues wistfully. “I feel like so many of our issues could be resolved by us just sitting down and talking things through over a cup of tea”.

“I don't like tea...” Erik mutters.

Charles smiles softly. “Well... I suppose we'll just have to add that to the list of things we disagree on”.

 

That morning represents a real thawing in Erik's icy demeanour towards Charles, because for the first time Erik finds he is able to regard Charles someone who might just be worthy of a certain amount of trust, even if Erik isn't quite ready to give it all just yet. Still, the easing of their mutual indifference at least allows Erik to open up a little, to chat with Charles more readily, and to finally engage in a number of chess games- something that seems to thrill Charles immensely. It's probable that being cooped up in a cabin for a week has left Charles aching for intellectual stimulation, and as such when Erik first agrees Charles immediately runs off towards his room to retrieve his portable chess set with an extraordinary amount of enthusiasm, making Erik have to fight to suppress a bout of joyful laughter.

When the dark of night draws in Erik finds himself sat across from Charles, sipping on whiskey and exchanging occasional conversation as they each make their respective moves. It's perhaps the first time that their interaction with each other has been neither hostile nor charged with tension, and it's nice really- a pleasantness Erik is wholly unaccustomed to. The only issue is that, now Erik isn't scowling at Charles or arguing with him for once, it provides him with far too much opportunity to gaze at Charles, to regard his adorably furrowed brow as he concentrates, to admire the smattering of freckles that cover his cheeks, to watch as Charles takes a drink from his glass and his pale throat flexes, making Erik want to press his mouth to it. It's quiet in the room but that allows far too much room for Erik's thoughts, and Erik does not like the way they are changing.

The low hum of abject contemplation continues to flit through Erik's mind as he later lies in bed- in _Charles’_ bed- eyes closed as he attempts to usher in a restful sleep. Beside himself Charles is still and serene, but even after such a short time Erik knows Charles well enough to be sure that he is not sleeping. After a further few moments Charles shifts slightly, and Erik tenses in anticipation of what is to come- wondering if Charles might attempt to initiate some kind of sexual contact like several days previously, though hopefully an encounter with a happier ending this time... But though Charles reaches out he only goes so far as to gently grasp Erik's arm, squeezing lightly as Erik turns his head and opens his eyes to regard him.

“I had a nice time today, Erik...” Charles says quietly. “Thank you”.

How cruel Erik feels then, to have denied Charles this for days, to have ignored and avoided him so much that just a simple evening spent playing chess would be enough to prompt gratitude. Consequently it has never been clearer to Erik how little he deserves Charles, particularly when he already feels like his very presence is casting Charles in shadow.

Charles lets go of Erik's arm and turns away, and Erik can only stare at his prone form in the dim light, thinking of the days to come and hoping that somehow, someway, he can learn to be better- like he said he would.

 

As it happens, the following morning proves to be very much a test of patience in that respect, because Erik finds himself wanting to yell at Charles from the minute he wakes up.

Most days Erik rises way before Charles does, favouring an early morning run and a nutritious breakfast to lounging around in bed as Charles likes to do. As a result of that Erik finds he is completely taken aback as he awakes to the mattress shaking beneath himself, something he quickly realises is as a result of Charles jumping up and down on it- though the explanation for such behaviour is still to be made apparent.

“Guess what day it is?” Charles says happily, bouncing around a short while longer before he drops down onto his knees beside Erik. “Come on- guess!”

“Charles, what the fuck are you doing?” Erik grumbles, his voice still hoarse with sleep. “It's Sunday- day of fucking rest. Go back to sleep”.

“Nuh-uh”, Charles replies, continuing to grin at Erik in a manner that is distinctly maddening when it is still so early in the morning. “I can't sleep in today- it's a special day”.

“It's about to be the special day that I suffocate you with a pillow if you don't let me sleep...”

Charles pulls a face at Erik. “Jeez, I always thought you were a morning person...” he replies.

Evidently Erik's bad mood must temper Charles' exuberant one, because after staring at Erik for a long, thoughtful moment Charles lets out a loud sigh and flops back against the mattress, his arms thrown back over his head dramatically. It's quite a favourable position for Erik to regard Charles, as shown by the fact that Erik is unable to tear his eyes away from where Charles' pyjama shorts have bunched up around his thighs and delicate areas, from where his t-shirt has risen up revealing the hollow of his belly. Resolve weakens as Erik slowly returns to full consciousness, but as Erik's brain kicks in he remembers more things than just how gorgeous Charles looks when he's spread across a bed, and he realises why Charles is so animated.

“It's your birthday...” Erik says quietly.

In response Charles lifts his head, a joyous smile spreading slowly over his face.

“You remembered...” Charles replies, his voice hushed and awed.

“Eventually, yes. Um... I haven't got you a gift”.

“That’s okay- I never expected one anyway. Really there's not much point in me even mentioning that it's my birthday, except that I was hoping the news might prompt you into agreeing to head down to the lake with me later today... I've wanted to go all week but you've been so busy with your reading so I didn't want to disturb you, and I know I should just go on my own but...”

Charles trails off, but Erik knows what he means to say anyway. Though they are in theory in the safest place they could possible be, for someone who was attacked just over a week ago the idea of venturing out alone must be distinctly troubling. Erik has managed such a feat himself on the many occasions he has left to call Emma, but it's clear that the whole situation has affected Charles much more deeply than Erik and therefore some concessions will need to be made.

“It's meant to be really warm today...” Charles continues quietly. “Even hotter than it’s been already, and I thought it might be nice if we--"

“We can go”, Erik interrupts, cutting off Charles' words.

Charles' eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes, of course. Whatever you want, Charles...”

It's not often Erik is able to give to Charles so easily, so it is a rare pleasure to be able to watch the moment when Charles’ expression brightens, joy spreading slowly over his face. He looks so beautiful as he smiles widely at Erik, and Erik can't help but wonder why he has always kept himself captive from moments like this- protecting himself from something that is likely to be healing rather than harmful. But that's a question to be pondered later because, after giving Charles one last fond look, Erik turns and climbs out of the bed, hoping that going out on his morning run will do something to temper the strange feeling running through his body, like sunlight filtering into the dark parts of his soul.

 

Later on Erik is still feeling similarly afflicted as he swims lengths in the crystal clear waters of the lake, hoping to quiet his mind with exercise once more. Nearby Charles is sitting under the shade of a large oak tree, wearing an open shirt and swim shorts and with a book spread open in his lap, in spite of the fact that the whole point of them coming to the lake was to actually swim in it, or so Erik thought... Since they arrived Charles has barely moved from his shady spot- probably a sensible idea given the scorching heat given out by the late morning sun- but still, there is a part of Erik that was rather looking forward to the idea of seeing Charles in damp swimwear...

“Are you coming in?” Erik shouts eventually, taking a brief break as he leans against an overhang of rock at the side of the lake.

“Mmm, perhaps not...” Charles replies. “If I spend too much time in the sun I'll end up completely red like a lobster, so unless you want to spend the afternoon rubbing suntan lotion on my sensitive areas...”

“I'll pass”, Erik responds quickly, shooting Charles an unamused look before he turns and recommences his activity.

Assuming that the matter has been concluded Erik focuses on swimming once more, but he only manages another four lengths until he reaches the same flat plane of rock as last time, and he is rudely interrupted by something jumping on him, or more precisely- someone. Charles throws himself into the water with surprising ferocity, seizing hold of Erik and dragging him under, and though indignation and anger initially riot through Erik's senses in the moment when he breaks through the surface, spluttering and coughing as a result of the water he inadvertently inhaled, he can't help but give in to the humour of the situation, and the look of giddy joy on Charles’ face.

What results afterwards is several minutes of joyful exuberance as Erik and Charles fight for control in the warm waters of the lake- an innocent kind of exchange that comes as a complete contrast to their usual kinds of conflict. It's not the first time Erik has put his hands on Charles in an assertive manner but it's the first occasion that hasn't resulted in bite marks and handprints and one of the two of them ending up naked and pressed down into a mattress, but it's somehow nicer that way- simpler. And so, when Charles and Erik finally both come up for air they just tread water for a while, and Erik finds that the smile on his face is genuine, and probably the first one he has directed towards Charles in all the time he can remember.

“Are you having a good birthday, Charles?” Erik asks, surprising himself that he actually cares about the answer.

Charles nods, smiling widely as he runs his hand back through his damp hair.

“It's been perfect, Erik. Almost everything I wanted out of today”.

“ _Almost_ everything?”

A strange kind of expression spreads over Charles’ face then, one that Erik has trouble placing to begin with, but the longer he stares at Charles the clearer it becomes. Charles' intent is made obvious in the way he smiles at Erik, in the way he draws his tongue slowly across his lower lip, and though part of Erik thought that maybe Charles had given up perhaps he should have known they would always end up back here.

“Charles, what is it that you want...?” Erik murmurs.

The directness of Charles' response takes Erik by surprise, even though he was expecting it a little.

“Birthday sex...”

After speaking Charles sinks down beneath the surface of the water, remaining there so that only the top half of his head is showing, his eyebrows raised at Erik suggestively. It robs Erik of the opportunity to clearly see the expression on Charles’ face, though Erik is sure he must be grinning.

“You really think I'm going to have sex with you just because it's your birthday?” Erik asks dryly.

“Hmm, I don't know...” Charles replies, lifting his head out of the water. “I think maybe you'll have sex with me purely because we've been cooped up in the safehouse for over a week now and it's not like either of us has been getting any elsewhere. I think we're both due a bit of... _release_ ”.

“Oh sure, like the last time you suggested we have sex and you left me high and dry...”

“Alright, alright- I can assure you that this time I will leave you both low and wet...” Charles says, grinning at Erik seductively.

Erik can't help but smile back at Charles, in spite of his best attempts to refrain, but regardless he knows that he cannot give in to Charles’ request.

“Sorry, Charles. Maybe next year”.

Charles screws up his face at Erik, before playfully flicking water at him.

“Fine, but if we're still stuck here in nine months time then don't go expecting a birthday blowjob from me either...”

 

Fortunately there are no further flirtations from Charles for the remainder of the lake visit, at least not any explicit ones, but that doesn't exactly enable Erik to forget about what Charles suggested. Erik wishes he could write the idea off as a ridiculous notion- something that he would never consider doing- but the fact that Erik is still thinking about it on the walk back to the cabin says differently. Perhaps it was foolish of Erik to refuse, to think that he even could, because sex with Charles has always been something that is incredibly appealing, and Erik already knows how satisfying it would be.

The only issue is that things are different now- they are no longer just two sworn enemies meeting after a debate for a mindless fuck. Erik _knows_ Charles now, he maybe even likes who Charles is as a person, and as such it's not so easy for Erik to just engage in something and assume he will be able to write it off as just being meaningless. If Erik is intimate with Charles he will be stepping into new territory, and who knows what that might mean. But one thing Erik does know most of all- he really, _really_ wants to have sex with Charles...

The desire reaches fever pitch when they return to the cabin and Charles decides he's going to have a go at using the solar shower- its first use since Erik's initial failure. Erik watches Charles as he stands there with the water pouring down, running all over Charles' body from his head to his feet, touching Charles everywhere like Erik wishes he was. Erik decides pretty quickly that he's going to have to excuse himself very soon so he can jerk off in the bathroom, but then he realises it would be pretty stupid to do that when a better option has already presented itself.

“Alright... Let's do it”.

Charles turns towards Erik whilst attempting to wipe the water from his eyes so he can see properly.

“I'm sorry, did you say something-- _Oh_...”

Charles eyes immediately hone in on Erik's crotch, and Erik quickly realises that even if he hadn’t said anything his half-hard cock would have done the talking for him, given how unforgiving his shorts are.

“Bedroom. Ten minutes. I need to take a quick shower first”.

Erik turns and starts to head inside the cabin, but he has only taken a few steps when Charles' words stop him in his tracks.

“We can do it how _I_ want to, can't we?”

“What do you mean...?” Erik asks, still not looking at Charles.

“Nothing weird, I just... I just had some ideas about what I wanted... for my birthday”.

It occurs to Erik then that Charles has never asked before. Almost every intimacy they have ever shared has been orchestrated by Erik, in line with what he wants, and though Charles has always been a willing participant that's not to say he has always left each encounter feeling completely satisfied. The fact that Charles clearly has something in mind now is intriguing to say the least, and though part of Erik wants to ask- particularly as the uncertainty of the whole situation is making him feel increasingly anxious- he decides that maybe it is better to just wait and see what it is.

“Fine...” Erik replies. “I'll see you inside”.

 

A short while later Erik is right where he told himself he would never be again- naked, in Charles’ bed. Nearby Erik can hear Charles shuffling around in the living room, something that makes Erik feel strangely nervous as he lies there, a thin sheet just covering the lower half of his body and doing little to obscure his sizeable erection. The feeling of mild anxiety only increases as Charles enters the room, still wet from his shower and with just a towel wrapped around his waist, but it's clear that Charles is has no such reservations as he steps confidently into the room, a warm smile lighting up his face.

As Erik remains lying prone on the bed Charles steps closer, loosening his hold on the towel and letting it drop to the ground- something that immediately captures Erik’s attention, as Charles most likely knew it would. There are still bruises across Charles’ body, small marks and imperfections Erik has spent entirely too much time thinking about blotting out with soft kisses for reasons that he cannot comprehend, which is why he instead turns his attention towards the helpfully distracting sight of Charles' gorgeous pink cock, hard and flushed and seemingly aching for Erik's touch. Erik's eyes remain focused there as Charles approaches, as Charles whips the sheets off of Erik's body before climbing on top of him, but then Erik abruptly realises he is completely naked with Charles for the first time in weeks and his mind suddenly catches up to the situation.

Because this time it is different. If every other encounter Charles and Erik have ever shared can be considered a battle this one is at best a negotiation. This time there is no hair pulling and no biting and no slapping of Charles’ glorious round arse, instead Charles settles down on top of Erik comfortably- as if this is how things always are with them, even though they have never actually had sex face-to-face before. Though Erik is as desperately aroused as he always is with Charles he is strangely humbled too, because it is the first time Erik has been able to really take the time to look at Charles- at his sweet and stunning face, at his smooth and lightly muscled body, at his soft skin adorned with a smattering of freckles. It is the first time Erik has wanted to really savour the occasion, rather than just seeking to come and then leave.

“Mmm...” Charles murmurs appreciatively, running his hands down Erik's chest. “You sure do know how to make a boy feel inadequate...”

With that Charles reaches down to grasp Erik's cock, giving it two firm strokes that already have Erik's toes curling deliciously, before Charles then lines Erik's cock up with his own member.

“What are we doing?” Erik asks, groaning slightly under his breath as Charles rolls his hips experimentally.

“Having fun... It's what you agreed to, isn't it?”

“Well I just thought we were going to fuck...”

“Fucking comes in many forms, darling...” Charles says, leaning close to whisper intimately in Erik’s ear as he reaches over to the bedside table. When Charles shifts back so he is straddling Erik's waist once more Erik sees the small bottle of lube clutched in Charles' hand, but it doesn't exactly clarify what it is that he wants.

“Do you want to lie down so I can fuck you?” Erik asks, finding he is keen to move things along.

Charles shakes his head. “No, Erik- I want you exactly as you are. This is perfect”.

“You're sure--" Erik starts, before his response is lost to a slew of muttered groaning as Charles squeezes a generous amount of lube onto Erik's cock.

It's strange but it's compelling to lie there, completely complicit as Charles holds Erik's member against his own, squeezing just the right side of tight as he starts to rock forward. Though they have had sex numerous times it has never been like this- Erik has never let Charles frot against him, Erik has never been able to regard the beauty of Charles' body as he moves, his hips rolling as he rubs himself against Erik’s cock over and over. It's staggering in the kind of way where Erik doesn't really know what to do with himself, can't decide where to look or where to rest his hands. One thing he does know is that it feels _amazing_ , and probably not just for the usual reasons of physical pleasure.

Because Charles is watching Erik, his eyes fixed devotedly on Erik's face as he rocks forward, and for the first time it is more than just the pleasure derived from their bodies touching. It's a different kind of connection that comes courtesy of Erik actually looking at Charles for once, at getting lost in those beautiful blue eyes that have never seemed more like the ocean, tempting Erik to drown. It's an unparalleled intimacy the likes of which Erik has never had with Charles before, has never had with many other people _ever_ \- a kind of intimacy that changes things, particularly given it is between two people are supposed to hate each other.

“Ah, fuck... This is amazing... Oh god, _Erik_...”

The noises Charles is making signal the start of his climax and then he is grasping Erik more firmly and coming, his seed splashing across Erik's chest and stomach and cock. It feels so incredible and so different to anything Erik has experienced before that he is unsurprised when his own body responds in kind, murmured moans leaving his lips as he shuts his eyes and shudders, feeling his own come coat his stomach and mingle with Charles'. Erik reaches back to grasp the headboard as he comes, his whole body succumbing to a delicious tremor as Charles keeps moving, keeps touching Erik, keeps murmuring Erik's name as he watches him, reminding Erik that Charles is there, that Charles is with him, and that for one simple moment they are together.

In the minutes afterwards Erik can only lie there, slowly opening his eyes to regard the ceiling as he lowers his arms to rest against his side once more. Erik knows this is the point when he would normally be leaving, but for that to happen first Charles would need to climb off and it doesn't seem like he is going anywhere. As much is made evident when Charles eventually moves closer, placing both hands on the mattress either side of Erik as he leans over him, and when Charles’ face comes into view the wide grin that covers it is only too plain to see.

“Mmm...” Charles murmurs happily. “I suppose I don't need to ask if that was good for you, considering that's the most come I've ever seen leave a person’s body...” Charles lowers his eyelids, leaning closer to whisper in Erik's ear as he continues: “Have you been saving up for me, darling? It’s alright if you have- it's not like I've been getting any elsewhere either...”

Charles' words spark recognition in Erik, because Charles is right of course. Erik hasn't experienced any kind of release since they first arrived at the cabin, but it goes much further than that where Charles is concerned, because in the past several months Erik cannot remember being with another person, another mouth, another body but Charles. It’s ridiculous, really- they are not a couple, they've had no discussions whatsoever about commitment and fidelity, and yet somehow subconsciously Erik has almost promised himself to Charles, given himself to no one but Charles, and suddenly the idea of Charles realising that is the worst thing Erik can possibly imagine.

“Are we done...?” Erik mutters.

In response Charles shifts back so he is straddling Erik’s waist once more, the smile on his face fading.

“Well, yes but... But I thought you might want--”

“We're done”, Erik replies sternly.

It doesn’t take much to move Charles- no harsh shove accompanied by even harsher words- Erik only needs to sit up slightly for Charles to shift, climbing off of Erik and crawling over to his side of the mattress without further comment. The look of hurt in Charles' eyes is so palpable it physically pains Erik, making him feel like he has just wounded something small and vulnerable, and it only gets worse as Charles sits there with both knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his body defensively. For a short while Erik can only stare at Charles, feeling like maybe this is the moment to give in at last to whatever this strange and complicated thing between them is, but the idea that this might be just another stupid game to Charles is ever-present, making Erik refrain.

Without uttering another word Erik withdraws from the bed, stepping briskly over to the bedroom door and exiting quickly. Erik can still feel where Charles' body was just straddling his own, can still sense the evidence of their mutual pleasure spread across his stomach and chest, but neither spectre prompts Erik to turn back. It is easier to step into the bathroom, to activate the shower and stand beneath, to allow the hot water to wash away everything Erik wishes he didn't feel. Even when Erik stands outside Charles' bedroom some time later, looking through the slightly ajar door at where Charles is still lying on the bed, Erik does not allow himself to change his mind. Though the sight of Charles curled up on his side, body turned away from the door and covered with a single sheet, makes Erik pause as he contemplates going inside, he does not cross the threshold. It is safer for Erik to remain where he is, at a distance, though it no longer feels any easier than the alternative.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

Charles remains in his room much longer than Erik would like- through the rest of the morning, through the lunch Erik makes for himself and Charles even though he ends up eating alone, through late afternoon and into the night. The only times Erik sees him are the occasions when Charles will briefly leave his room to use the bathroom or to grab a quick cup of tea, but during those instances Charles never acknowledges Erik or answers him in anything more than monosyllabics. It's an unsettling kind of reversal of how Erik has always acted towards Charles in turn, and Erik finds he doesn't like it very much.

By the time the darkness has drawn in Erik finds he has grown tired of the silence, of sitting in the living room alone, of feeling like he has hurt Charles though he never really meant to. It's self-preservation more than anything else, a need for Erik to protect himself, a desire to maintain the barriers he has placed around himself ever since he was twelve-years-old and he discovered the danger that comes from trusting others. Of course it's not really fair to Charles, because Charles has never done anything to deserve such treatment, yet somehow Erik cannot help himself.

A text from Emma changes things. Communication with Erik's closest ally has been intermittent since Erik arrived at the safehouse, composed mainly of conversation during the phone calls Erik makes when he leaves the cabin to get signal on his phone. Occasionally though the odd text will pop through, as it does in this instance. It's a response to the message Erik sent Emma earlier, when he told her what Charles said about Trask Industries and how what they feared about Charles' involvement with the company has proven to be unfounded- news that Erik knew Emma would be grateful to receive.

As it happens though Emma proves to be rather more enthused than Erik would have thought. In response to the lengthy text Erik sends informing Emma of the events of the day- Charles' birthday, the lake, the _sex_ , and finally the information about Trask, Emma replies with four simple words: _'Just marry him already'_.

Erik rolls his eyes and drops his phone back on the table, running his hand back through his hair as he thinks about Charles, like he is seemingly unable to stop doing recently. There has been no noise from Charles’ room for a long while and the only thing Erik can conclude is this- he's really fucked things up this time. It's Charles' _birthday_ and he is currently hiding in his room, seemingly unwilling to face Erik, upset as a result of Erik’s actions for perhaps the hundredth time. It was always easier when Erik could just leave after spending time with Charles, when he could take himself away from the situation and believe whatever he wanted to, but things are different now and consequently Erik realises that his own behaviour probably needs to change as a result.

 

Almost an hour later Erik is approaching Charles' room, knocking quietly on the door and waiting patiently for a response before he enters. The mumbled noise that comes from inside sounds almost like an answer so Erik moves into the room, stepping over to the bed cautiously, staring at where Charles is sitting with his back resting against the headboard, a book clutched in his hands. Charles doesn't look up as Erik enters, doesn't really acknowledge him at all, and it's strange seeing the strained and tense expression on Charles’ face as opposed to the friendly and approachable one Erik is used to, and though Erik has no idea how he's going to make things right he knows that he wants to try.

“What are you reading?” Erik asks eventually when he comes to a stop standing at the foot of the bed.

Charles continues to avoid Erik's eyes as he idly turns a page.

“It's a drama about a capricious old man who spends his time being cruel to anyone who dares to show him kindness. Perhaps you know him?”

“I didn't know you were a fan of melodramas...” Erik replies, before flinching subconsciously in response to the icy look Charles shoots him.

“Yes, well... The things I normally favour have not been kind to me of late so I thought I'd try something new”.

“Can we please stop speaking metaphorically...”

“Who's talking in metaphors? I'm serious- I'm turning over a new leaf. No science fiction novels, no sugar in my tea, no sex. It's a whole new world for me”.

“Charles...” Erik sighs. “Can we please just start over?”

Charles drops his gaze to regard his book once more. “It seems entirely too late for that”.

“Alright, well can you come outside with me then? I have something to show you”.

“If it's your penis then you can save your breath and your dignity- I've decided it's not worth the effort. Who cares if I've spent months eliminating my gag reflex for nothing”.

“Charles, for fuck's sake... Please, just come with me to the living room. I made your favourite for dinner- spaghetti bolognese”.

Finally the wounded look on Charles' face fades slightly as he turns to regard Erik once more.

“How did you know that's my favourite?” Charles asks quietly.

How indeed... Erik can never admit that it's because for the past several months he has read every article that has been written about Charles, devouring every little piece of information he can get his hands on. Only now when Erik thinks about it he realises how strange it probably is, and as a result he's certainly not going to admit it to Charles.

“You told me...” Erik says, hoping the lie is almost believable. “Anyway- what does it matter? Do you want some dinner or not?”

Charles stares at Erik for a long, thoughtful moment, leaving Erik entirely too much time to wonder what Charles is thinking, and to feel even more guilty about how generally _sad_ Charles looks... But eventually Charles nods and so Erik replies with a relieved smile, before he turns away and heads outside to await Charles’ arrival.

 

When Charles later shuffles into the living room Erik is sat at the dining table, mindlessly using his powers to fiddle with the cutlery on the table as he waits. Charles enters still looking incredibly defensive, his arms wrapped around his body protectively, and Erik can't help but wonder at what point things became so complicated, or why he cares quite so much. Because as Charles takes a seat at the table opposite Erik, immediately reaching for the cup of tea Erik prepared for him but keeping his eyes lowered the entire time, Erik knows that the emotion running through his senses is not anger or frustration, as it usually is towards Charles, it is regret.

“I'm sorry...” Erik says eventually.

In response Charles only shrugs.

“It's alright... I suppose I only have myself to blame- you've never wanted to hang around every other time we've had sex so it was stupid of me to think that this occasion would be any different”.

“Is that why you're upset with me? Erik asks.

Charles shrugs again, and for someone who normally has a hard time keeping his thoughts to himself it's a marked change to form. Erik would never have thought that he’d miss Charles’ endless chattering, that he'd yearn for the times when Charles would ramble on interminably about whatever was running through his mind at the time, but he does and he knows that it means something.

“I have a gift for you”, Erik says.

Finally Charles looks up, frowning slightly in confusion. “You do?”

Erik nods, before reaching into his pocket to retrieve something. It's probably a decidedly feeble attempt at atonement and it's certainly not as much as Charles deserves, but it's a clear sign that Erik is at least attempting to make an effort.

“What is it?” Charles asks, his voice softly awed.

Resting in the palm of Erik’s hand is a small metal X, crafted by Erik from one of the kitchen forks during the time that Charles was in his room. It's certainly not the best present Erik could have given Charles, it's not rare or valuable, but the way Charles is staring at it somehow makes it seem like it's worth _everything_.

“You made this?”

Erik nods. “It's a pin badge. For you. For... your birthday”.

Charles plucks the small metal X from Erik’s palm and turns it over in his hands, letting it gleam in the light.

“It's beautiful...” Charles murmurs. “Thank you, Erik”.

“ _Bitte Schön_. I'm glad you like it”.

A warm smile slowly spreads over Charles’ face as he fixes the badge to the front of his shirt, his fingertips continually caressing the smooth metal. What Charles perhaps doesn't realise is that Erik can feel it, can sense the warmth of Charles' fingers brushing against the alloy, and consequently Erik immediately begins to feel his pulse start to race, blood warming his body and most likely causing his face to flush. Somehow it is more intimate than every moment Erik has shared with Charles before, more sensual than each occasion when Charles has traced Erik’s skin with gentle fingertips, and perhaps that’s because their involvement is more than just sex this time. Maybe it always was.

“Have some dinner...” Erik says quietly, hoping to distract both himself and Charles.

Charles gazes at Erik for a long moment, a soft smile lingering on his face, before eventually he lowers his eyes as he reaches for his fork and begins to eat. It feels like there is so much more that could be said, that perhaps _should_ be said, but for now Erik is content to just remain in silence, allowing the small feeling of burgeoning contentment within his body to warm him, like a tiny flame brought to life for the first time.

 

Fire, like most things, only needs to be given space and oxygen to grow, and that's how it is for Erik. In the past Erik has allowed the way he feels about Charles to burn him, like something scalding that he can touch but cannot hold onto for long, but now the emotion is tempered, transformed into something sustainable for the first time- a glowing light that no longer seems both dangerous and short-lived. The feeling is given fuel every time Charles smiles and Erik does not respond with a bitter scowl, it is coaxed every time Charles asks Erik a question and Erik gives a genuine, thoughtful response, it is elevated every time Erik lies in bed and gazes at Charles in the early morning light, heart catching in his throat as he thinks about how beautiful Charles looks, and how wonderful he is.

Though Erik has undoubtedly tried to fight it he knows that Charles no longer represents little more than some caricature to him- some revered enemy for Erik to direct his anger and hatred at, and to blame for everything whether it is Charles’ fault or not. Charles is real, flawed, complicated, and somehow Erik wants him more now than ever- more than before he learned that Charles fidgets in his sleep, or that he is incapable of making tea without leaving spoons everywhere, or that he hums incessantly whilst he is working. Charles is sweet and stubborn and wise and arrogant and kind and calculating, and Erik wants him so badly it pains him sometimes.

It becomes clearest to Erik on the night he awakens and finds that he is alone. Erik's eyes crack open to regard the room cast in dim light as he shivers involuntarily, pulling the covers tighter around his body as he turns to where he hopes there is a warm body next to himself, but the sheets on Charles' side are pulled back and the telepath is nowhere to be seen- at least at first. Erik spots him eventually standing over by the window, dressed in pyjama bottoms and a oversized jumper, his hair out of its usual order. The darkness of the room tells Erik that it is very late at night and therefore he cannot comprehend why Charles isn't sleeping, he only knows that the experience of waking up in an empty bed is oddly troubling.

“Charles, what are you doing?” Erik asks, his voice hoarse with sleep. “Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?”

“It's raining...” Charles replies quietly, still continuing to stare out the window. Of course the current weather conditions are something Erik has already surmised, given the fact that the window is open and the soothing sound of steady rainfall fills the air.

“I can see that, genius... What are you standing over there for? You’re going to catch a cold”.

Charles scoffs. “That's a myth, you know. The common cold is a bacterial infection transmitted through contact with other infected parties. The most that could happen to me is hypothermia, though I'd have to be much colder than I am now for that to occur”.

“Alright, fine... But that still doesn't explain why you're standing by an open window in the middle of the fucking night”.

Charles grows quiet for a moment, before eventually he says: “It's beautiful, isn’t it?”

“The rain?”

“Mm-hmm. Did you know that it's the first time in almost a month that we've had a downpour like this? The last time we even had rain was the morning that-- that--"

As Charles lapses back into silence once more Erik is feeling increasingly like he is only having half of a conversation, like there is something else going on that he's not aware of. There are many things in life that Charles does incredibly well- crossword puzzles, quantum physics, oral sex- but the thing he excels at most of all is sleeping, so the fact that he is passing up an opportunity to do so now speaks volumes. As Erik stares over at Charles he racks his brain for explanation, trying to recall the last time it rained, and when he remembers an unsettling feeling of realisation creeps over him.

“It rained the morning you were attacked...” Erik murmurs.

If Charles hears Erik he doesn't acknowledge him, he just continues to stare out of the open window as if his mind is somewhere else. Erik and Charles have never really talked about the attack, not unless you count the occasional flippant comment Charles has made, and as such Erik doesn't know how to discuss it now, or if he even wants to. But it's been almost two weeks since they arrived at the cabin and although the bruises on Charles’ face may have faded it's clear some deeper injuries still remain, and Erik knows that continuing to ignore them will only make things worse. More than that, Erik knows that he would give anything to keep Charles safe- both now and for all time.

“You know I’d never let anyone hurt you again...” Erik says softly.

The words are whispered almost involuntarily, more for Erik's benefit than Charles', and it is the same sentiment Erik has thought to himself numerous times as he has lain there, in bed, watching Charles as he sleeps. It's a marked change from the occasions when Erik would be the one to hurt Charles himself- not emotionally, not always purposefully- just in a way that Erik and Charles both liked, a way that would leave them both satisfied yet still aching for more. Now though the idea of anyone putting hands on Charles, of injuring him in any way, is distinctly unpalatable to say the least.

Charles turns his head towards Erik, though he remains standing by the window, his fingers tapping out a perpetual rhythm against the wooden ledge.

“Now there’s a fine slice of irony...” Charles replies, a hint of humour creeping into his voice suggesting he is thinking along the same lines as Erik. “You know you can’t help it though- you can't keep me safe. How can you? We don't even know who attacked us”.

Officially speaking it’s true. In the past couple of weeks there have been updates from the authorities, snippets of information and potential leads, but to this point no one has been charged with anything. It seems there are conflicting opinions regarding who would have the means and motive to attack two prominent mutant leaders so overtly, the multiple options leading investigators down numerous paths, and overall no one really _knows_ anything. But Erik does. Though Erik cannot possibly know for sure he is almost certain of who the blame should be assigned to, and perhaps the transparency of Erik's convictions is only too obvious.

“Erik...?” Charles says quietly. “I'm right, aren't I? We don't _know_ anything. But... but maybe you suspect something...?”

Erik turns away from Charles, lowering himself back to rest against the pillows once more, his hands gripping the covers. He unclenches his fingers and smooths them over the bedsheets, trying to formulate an answer to a question that Charles hasn't quite asked, but so much of what Erik wants to say gets stuck in his throat, like even the suggestion of the name is enough to choke him. Perhaps in some ways it is beneficial that Charles says it so Erik doesn't have to.

“Shaw?” Charles asks tentatively, and just like that Erik knows that the secrets he holds were never really his to keep.

Tension riots through Erik's body as he whirls to look at Charles, his heart already racing as if the word alone is enough to prompt instant panic- some predetermined fight or flight response instilled in him since he was little more than twelve years old and he first heard the name. So much of that time in Erik's life is burned into his memory, seared across his subconscious irrevocably so that he cannot forget it, the only thing is he had no idea that other people were aware of it too- least of all Charles. But perhaps Erik should have realised, because it's not like he didn’t already know that he is dealing with the world's most powerful telepath.

“You read my mind?” Erik says slowly, swallowing hard.

The look that Charles gives Erik then could almost be considered sympathetic, and when he replies his voice is soft and respectful.

“I didn't have to... Even before I met you I knew about you. I... I read things about you- articles, profile pieces, and so on. Consequently I know about Shaw, about the orphanage, about... about what he did--”

“Don't”, Erik interrupts, the sound oddly pleading. He clears his throat uncomfortably before continuing: “I don't think I can talk about it. Not yet”.

Erik doesn't even know why he said ‘yet', as if he believes there is some future he and Charles could share where they could one day sit down and talk together comfortably. It has been over a decade since it all happened and Erik still can't really bring himself to discuss it with anyone, not even Emma- his closest friend and someone who lived through a lot of the same experience. Of course Erik knows he will need to talk about it, and soon, because the trial is only a few weeks away which means that mere days stand between Erik and the moment when he will have to stand in front of a crowded courtroom, in front of Shaw himself, and relive anything.

“It's okay, Erik”, Charles says gently. “You don't owe me anything, so you certainly don't need to explain yourself to me. I only wonder what part I play in all this... I mean, how confident can you be that it's, um, _that_ _man_ who's behind everything? Why would he want to hurt me?”

“I don’t know, Charles. All I do know is there is no one in the world with a greater motive to end my life”.

“Um, Erik... I don't mean to be rude but you're kind of a dick, so there's likely to be numerous people who'd want to do you harm...”

In response to Charles' words to begin with Erik can only stare, because even after so many months Charles' occasional tactlessness is still capable of taking Erik by surprise. But the interesting thing to consider now is that, where such thoughtless and impolite behaviour would have once prompted anger in Erik, now it only fills him with fond amusement. Erik stares at Charles, unsurprised to see Charles’ eyes widen and his mouth part as if he has just realised what he's done, and slowly an uncontrolled kind of smile starts to spread over Erik's face that gradually becomes a wide grin. Charles meets Erik’s gaze, confusion flickering across his face, until eventually his expression softens and then he is beaming at Erik too.

“ _Arschgeige_...” Erik says with a smirk.

Charles laughs. “I'm not entirely sure what that means but I'm inclined to believe that it's an insult of some kind... Nevertheless I'm sure I deserve it”. The luminous smile on Charles’ face increases before he adds: “ _Wanker_...”

Perhaps Erik should have always known that he and Charles would always resort to insults eventually, but at least this time there is no real venom behind the words. The exchange allows the heavy subject matter between them to somewhat dissipate, to become something to be discussed another time, another day, and for Erik that’s a satisfying enough conclusion given he really wants to do nothing more than sleep.

“Alright, enough stalling- close that window and come back to bed”.

Charles pulls a face. “Can't I just leave it open? I want to listen to the rain”.

“Fine...” Erik grumbles. “But don't go trying to cuddle up to me for warmth”.

Erik turns away and shifts down so he is lying on his side in the bed, the covers pulled snugly around his body, and that's when he realises. As Erik listens to the sound of Charles approaching he thinks about the weather, and how it is now nowhere near as hot as it has been previously. Over the past few days the insanely high temperatures have eased off, become balmy days and cool nights, and yet Erik has not attempted to return to his own room, nor has Charles asked him to. For some reason the two of them have both accepted their current living situation as one to which they belong, one that comforts them and keeps them, and though Erik cannot comprehend Charles’ reasons he finally understands the reality of his own.

“Mmm, nice and warm under here...” Charles murmurs, wriggling closer to Erik under the covers.

Erik lies there frozen in place, staring unseeingly across the room at where the partially open door leads to the living room- an easy escape for Erik, should he wish it. The only problem is that Erik doesn't want to go. It is better with Charles, safer, softer, warmer, and Erik cannot imagine returning to a place where he allows the cold to seep in once more.

“Good night, Erik”, Charles says quietly, the shape of his body perceivable just inches away from Erik's back.

Erik closes his eyes, and finds that life is infinitely more complicated when he no longer hates the things he cannot have.

“Good night... _Liebling_ ”.

 

Sleep is restless, fitful, and yet at the same time more satisfying than any night before or since. Erik's mind seems to whirl endlessly in his unconscious state as images and memories flit through his head, accompanied by thoughts that could probably be considered hopes for the future- contemplation of some life that he wishes to have someday. There are moments here and there when Erik’s eyes will briefly crack open, when he will register the glow of early morning light that slowly filters into the room, the quiet rush of Charles' gentle breathing, the warmth of his body. When Erik registers the feeling of Charles’ hand slowly creeping around his waist he does not pull away, does not panic, in fact he shifts closer to the contact, welcoming it in his drowsy state, and for a moment the line between dreaming and reality blurs, becomes something to sustain Erik until morning.

Of course, when morning actually comes it is as sobering as it usually is. Erik awakens early, as per his usual routine, but this time there is little desire to withdraw from bed and head out on a morning run, because Charles' presence is oddly drugging, tempting Erik to remain.

Pressed firmly up against Erik's back is Charles' body, warm and malleable, all soft lines that mould with Erik's form, bringing them together. Charles’ arm is draped over Erik's waist, his hand resting against Erik's torso, and to begin with Erik assumes that Charles is sleeping and that his actions are inadvertent at best. But then Charles begins to move, his body shifts closer as the palm of his hand starts to rub against Erik’s stomach in lazy circles, and Erik inhales a shaky breath as arousal pools within the pit of his stomach because he has never wanted Charles more in his life.

It is like the warm glow of morning is tantamount to some soft gauze that drapes over everything, obscuring their actions or at least allowing them to remain unquestioned. For that reason neither Charles nor Erik speak to each other as Erik rolls onto his back, as Charles immediately climbs on top of him, lying down so their bodies are pressed close together. Charles hides his face in Erik's chest as he moves against him, murmuring softly as his fingertips find the collar of Erik's t-shirt and pull it down so he can trail his mouth over Erik's neck and collarbone. Erik closes his eyes as Charles shifts, rubbing himself against Erik, allowing their evident erections to brush together- enjoyable even through the layers of clothing they are both wearing.

Erik knows it is more than just need then- this desire he has for Charles. It is more than just lust and tension expressed through fucking. Because Erik does not want to just have sex with Charles and be done with him afterwards, he wants to hold him and caress him and care for him. It is evident in the moment when Erik’s hands slide up under Charles' jumper, fingers splayed wide as he draws his palms slowly down Charles’ back, coveting the feel of him. Charles flinches as Erik touches the scar on his back and Erik does not forge forward, does not ignore Charles' needs in pursuit of his own pleasure, he readjusts his grip and just _holds_ him, dipping his face to inhale the scent of Charles’ hair, and for a moment it is perfect, but already Erik knows that such perfection is not meant to last.

A loud knock on the door shatters the symbiosis. The harsh sound reverberates through the cabin and instantly Charles startles, sitting bolt upright as he whirls to look at the door, his eyes wide and alarmed. He looks so frightened that Erik can't help but reach for him, lifting his hand to gently cup Charles' jawline, prompting Charles to turn to look at Erik at last, and for a moment they simply stare at each other, as if they are both waking up for the first time. But as the knocking on the door increases in intensity it isn't long before Charles is turning away once more, and then Erik can only lie there and watch as Charles abruptly clambers off the bed and flees the room, not going to answer the front door but instead immediately ducking into the bathroom and locking himself inside.

Though there’s a large part of Erik that wants to go after Charles to check that he's alright the continued rapping on the door demands an immediate response, and so Erik instead moves quickly to get dressed before heading over to answer it. Erik doesn't quite know what to expect, though he dimly suspects the presence outside is nothing to fear, given attackers don't generally tend to knock. The suspicion is confirmed when Erik uses his powers to gently push the door open and finds a pretty brunette standing on the doorstep, flanked by two burly looking men wearing equally humourless expressions.

“Good morning, Mr Lehnsherr- I'm Agent Moira MacTaggert. Are you ready to go?”

“Go?” Erik asks, frowning in his confusion.

“That's right. Didn't anyone tell you? We're taking you and Charles-- um, you and Professor Xavier back to the city”.

Erik stares at Moira impassively, feeling rather like the world has just been pulled out from underneath his feet.

“I'm really sorry- someone should have called you...” Moira continues eventually. “How long do you think it'll take for you to be ready to go?”

“We're leaving...?”

At the sound of a soft voice Erik turns around to find Charles standing a few metres away, still dressed in his nightwear with his arms folded tight around his body. He looks as small and as vulnerable as he did in the bedroom earlier, and more than anything Erik wishes he could just seize Charles by the hand and lead him back to bed, to take care of him and keep him safe. But it seems the time Erik has shared with Charles is over now, even though it feels like they were only just beginning to get to know each other.

“Hi, Professor- it's good to see you again”, Moira says, smiling warmly. “Look, it seems there must have been some kind of mix-up... Someone should have called you yesterday to let you know we were coming this morning to escort you back”.

“Is it over then? Did you make an arrest?” Charles asks.

“Not exactly... We have some leads, and believe me we're doing all we can, but for now it seems like the immediate threat is over and therefore it's safe enough for you both to return home. You’ll still be kept under protective detail but--”

“I don't need protection”, Erik interrupts, unable to suppress the irritation in his voice.

Moira smiles politely. “Of course, Mr Lehnsherr... But regardless we think it would be prudent to be cautious for now, just until we can be sure the threat has been contained. Rest assured the presence will be minimal at best- you won't even notice anyone watching over you”.

“Unlikely...” Erik grumbles, glaring disapprovingly at the overly earnest men flanking Moira on either side.

The idea of spending the next few weeks or even months being shadowed by a bunch of homosapiens carrying guns is distinctly unpalatable, and Erik can't help but glower more even as Moira smiles at him. Deep down though he knows it's not just the protective detail he is opposed to. As Erik turns back to look at Charles he thinks about the events of the past two weeks, the time they have spent together, the things they have shared, and whilst he knows he does want to return to his own life, the fact that Charles won't have the same kind of presence in it sours things somewhat.

“I guess I better go pack...” Charles says quietly.

Erik wants to tell him to wait, to stay for a bit, wants to ask Moira to give them some time to say goodbye properly because strangely it seems like that's what they need. But before Erik can even open his mouth Charles is already turning away, and it is clear then that whatever oddly idyllic circumstance has befallen them in the past two weeks is over, and they will likely never get it back again.

 

It doesn't take Erik and Charles very much time to pack, but regardless the experience is like slow torture. To begin with it's hard because Erik finds that the majority of his belongings are in some way mixed with Charles’- their clothes in the same cupboard in Charles' room, their books stacked together in the living room, their toothbrushes side-by-side in a cup in the bathroom. Until this point Erik hadn't quite realised how entwined their lives were, and it is sadly sobering to have to slowly pick apart every aspect, sorting it neatly into respective bags. Charles is quiet as they pack, which is a statement in itself given how verbose Charles usually is, and every time Erik looks over at him Charles turns away, his avoidance entirely unexplained.

Eventually, once everything is appropriately organised, Charles and Erik head outside to where Moira and her colleagues are waiting. The setup for the return journey is the same as it was during arrival- Erik and Charles will be in one car whilst the authorities follow in another, meaning Erik is at least afforded a few more hours with Charles as they travel back to the city. It should be somewhat gratifying but it's not, because Charles is quiet and distant for the entire trip, sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, his gaze permanently focused on the window as he watches the scenery pass by outside.

Part of Erik feels like maybe he should talk to Charles, perhaps bring up what happened in the bedroom earlier and ask Charles how he feels about it, ask if it _meant_ something, but there's a bigger part of Erik that doesn't really want to know- that has already concluded that Charles' withdrawn behaviour is a sign that he is already settling back into the dynamic they shared before, when they would only speak to each other in pre-arranged debates before fucking in anonymous hotel rooms afterwards. Maybe it is really that easy for Charles to let go of whatever it is that has developed between them recently, perhaps because it was only ever something Erik felt alone. Either way, Erik doesn't want to discuss it. It is easier to remain mute, safer somehow, and if that means a long, silent car journey then so be it.

Still, when Erik drops Charles off at his home (or to be more precise- _mansion_ ) he finds himself hoping, waiting expectantly as Charles removes his belongings from the boot of the car and places them on the ground for a waiting member of staff to come pick up- something Erik can't help but scowl at, of course. The passenger-side window is open and as the staff member walks away Charles turns back towards the car and leans in slightly, his fingers gripping the frame and tapping steadily. Erik waits, hopes, and though he can't actually see Charles’ face he allows himself to contemplate the idea that Charles’ expression may be clouded with uncertainty, maybe even regret. But Erik never gets the chance to find out, because Charles only lingers for a further few seconds before he says simply: “See you next week”, and then he turns and walks away. Erik stares at him, watches as one of the guards gets out of the following car and trails after him, and wonders what the fuck just happened.

Then Erik remembers. Next week there is a televised debate taking place in West Virginia- a seminar to discuss the place mutants have in society, along with the recent ridiculous proposal from certain bigoted political parties that mutants should have to reapply for citizenship following the advent of their powers, on the basis that constitutional rights technically only apply to human beings. Erik had forgotten all about the meeting given he has been distinctly preoccupied, but it's clear that Charles always had it in mind. It is obvious then that, like Erik dimly suspected, it will be easy for Charles to assimilate himself back into the same dynamic he shared with Erik before, and that whatever change Erik thought he felt during their time in the cabin applied to Erik alone.

The bitterness threatens to consume Erik as he watches Charles leave, and lingers as he commences the drive to his own home. When Erik arrives it is early afternoon and the apartment complex he lives in is teeming with life, but Erik barely acknowledges anyone as he walks quickly over to the elevator, scowling as nearby he senses the presence of the bodyguard who has been assigned to ‘protect’ him. All Erik wants is to be back in his own home once more, where he can be alone and he can try to forget about the events of the past two weeks, but even now Erik knows that’s not going to be easy.

As soon as Erik is safely inside he forgoes unpacking and heads straight for the bathroom, feeling like he needs to cleanse himself of everything that has happened. Clearly Charles has made an impact though because Erik sidesteps the shower and instead uses his powers to turn on the taps in the bath, remembering what Charles said every time he talked about how relaxing baths are and how they are perfect for alleviating tension. That seems like exactly what Erik needs, and so he waits for the tub to fill before shedding his clothing and stepping inside, lowering himself down into the warm water.

Of course, the idea is to give the experience enough time to work, to lie there and allow the warmth of the water to seep into Erik's skin, to empty his mind of all thoughts and problems so that he can finally relax. But Erik has never been very good at relaxing, and therefore it isn't long until Erik is leaning over the side of the tub and using his powers to levitate his phone into his grasp, knowing what he wants even before he turns the device on.

It has never taken very much for Erik to resort to looking at pictures of Charles on his phone- images of Charles’ naked body, his gorgeous face- every part of him really. Normally the intent in looking at such things is almost entirely sexual, because there is nothing that gets Erik off faster than seeing Charles naked even if it is just on a screen, but this time it's not sex that Erik wants. As Erik uses his phone he navigates to his most recent pictures of Charles, most taken only a few days previously, but they are not of Charles' cock or his arse or his face covered in come like all the other pictures on Erik's phone, they are of Charles when he is sleeping, soft and warm at Erik's side.

Next week Erik will be seeing Charles at the TV debate, but already he knows that the Charles he will be faced with is not the same one in the image on his phone. That Charles only existed for the fortnight that they were holed up in the cabin, and it is clearly not one that translates to the outside world in any way. And so Erik will have to get used to the idea that the only involvement he can have with Charles is the kind they have had before- where they are little more than enemies, albeit enemies who fuck.

Erik flicks back to the naked pictures of Charles on his phone, trying to tell himself that he is content with what little he can have.

“See you next week...” Erik murmurs.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

Every time Erik is due to attend some kind of meeting with Charles he goes through a kind of mental checklist- a tally of dos and don'ts in his head that he tells himself that he will abide by, no matter what. Erik has never been a religious person, even though his mother may have attempted to pass on certain traditions and beliefs from the Jewish faith whilst she was still alive, but nevertheless the mantra is almost like a list of commandments; a doctrine designed to keep Erik from sin.

As Erik walks down the corridors of the television studio he thinks back over his agenda, and hopes he will stick to it this time.

_Thou shalt not kiss Charles, or allow thyself to be kissed by him._

All around Erik people are busying themselves with numerous tasks, running around with clipboards and speaking into obnoxious little headsets that Erik considers melting with his powers more than once. For the most part Erik tries to ignore them, and instead thinks about the debate he is about to partake in, as well as the continual stream of obligation still running through his mind.

_Thou shalt not lust for the sturdiness of Charles’ thighs, the suppleness of his skin, or the gorgeousness of his perfect round arse._

On this particular occasion Erik is not alone. Beside himself Emma is a welcome presence, walking alongside Erik as they head down the corridor, her heels tapping out a steady rhythm against the marble-tiled floor. Already she has made at least two clueless producers seem like they might be about to cry. It's been a good day.

_Thou shalt not have oral, anal, or any other kind of sex with Charles- no matter how appealing the idea may seem._

Emma is attending not to actually participate in the debate like Erik is, but merely as a show of support- whether Erik believes he needs it or not. Over the past week Erik knows that he has been considerably poor company; grouchy and withdrawn (or at least more so than usual) and that's what has prompted Emma into offering to come along- that and the fact she has a meeting in the area the next day. Though there is a part of Erik that believes he doesn't need assistance he knows he is happy to have Emma there, particularly when her presence might actually enable Erik to stick to his checklist for the first time ever.

_Thou shalt not covet the look on Charles’ face as he comes; the broken moan he gives out that tempers into a low murmur as the corners of his mouth draw up into a satisfied smile. Thou shalt not linger and think about how beautiful Charles is, and wish for another circumstance, another life, where they could be together at last._

“Thou shalt not covet thine enemies dick, for it is a foul serpent which will only seek to strike you...”

At Emma's words Erik turns to glare at her, jaw clenching as he considers who might have overheard her disclosure, even if she did make sure to speak somewhat quietly.

“Get out of my head”, Erik growls.

“Oh, believe me, sugar- I would love to. The only problem is you're thinking so _loudly_ , it's really very hard for me to focus on anything else”.

Emma flashes Erik a smug smile which only increases his irritation, and distracts him from what he was trying so unsuccessfully to focus on- the idea that, for once, he is not going to end up having sex with Charles after all. Of course it’s hard to maintain such conviction when Erik has thought of little else for the past week, something Emma likely knows only too well.

“Spare me the charade, fearless leader”, Emma says, shooting Erik a pointed look. “You can make vows to yourself all you like, but we both know that you're going to end the evening _in flagrante_ with the enemy. For that reason I'm not even going to pretend that we're going out later. In fact, I’ve already made plans for once filming is over”.

“Ah yes, you’ve got some small children's lives to ruin, I suppose? Perhaps a litter of Dalmatian puppies to steal?”

Emma shoots Erik a withering look. “Hardly... I'll have you know I actually have a date”.

“A date? With who?”

“Well that's not really any of your business, is it Erik?”

“Like I don't tell you every aspect of my sex life...”

“You don't have a choice- telepath, remember?” Emma says, tapping her head with one perfectly manicured finger. “And besides, in regards to my dating experiences there's really nothing to tell, not yet anyway, so consequently I'm not going to tell you _anything_ ”.

“And if it gets serious?”

“ _If_ that happens, then maybe”.

Erik frowns at Emma, feeling like there is more to be discussed that what has been said so far, but with Erik now required on set there is little time to address it. And so, Erik shoots Emma a look that says plainly: _“This isn't over”_ , before he turns and follows a clipboard-waving simpleton in one direction as Emma heads off in another.

 

Minutes later Erik is standing to the side of the main set, peering out at where a pre-assembled audience are watching the host of the programme begin his address. In a short while Erik will be stepping out in front of the television cameras, seeing Charles again for the first time since they left the safehouse, and he finds that the prospect of such makes him feel distinctly nervous. Normally when Erik is due to see Charles he feels tense and anxious, usually riled up by whatever stupid thing Charles has said or done in the press recently, but this time Erik's feelings are tempered, and he knows only too well the reason for this.

Though Erik wishes it wasn't the case, though he has tried to convince himself otherwise more than once, he knows that their time in the cabin has changed things. Maybe not for Charles, maybe not in the way Erik does not want to admit that he hopes for, but for Erik at least things are different now. Consequently Erik is curious as to whether such a shift will be evident in the dynamic they share now in the TV studio, as well as later in Charles' hotel room. Not that Erik is going to end up there, of course... Except that he is, and he knows he is, and he knew it even before he tried to deny it to Emma.

In truth Erik probably even realised it earlier than that, when he stood in front of the mirror checking over his clothes for perhaps the tenth time that morning, ensuring his hair was neatly combed into an appropriate order. The fact that Erik even cares what Charles thinks of his appearance speaks volumes, and though Erik tries to tell himself that things can be as they always were, when he and Charles would argue bitterly before fucking in anonymous hotel rooms across the country, he knows that it's not true anymore.

“ _Verdammt_...” Erik mutters quietly to himself, stretching out his fingers as he tries to stop his hands from shaking.

Nearby the audience starts to applaud and Erik realises they have called his name, and then he is stepping out into the glaring studio lights, mouth instantly drying as he spots Charles approaching from the other side of the room. Charles is dressed is black trousers, a white shirt, and a blue cardigan that Erik knows Emma will only seek to ridicule later, though Erik rather likes the look given it makes Charles seem soft and homely, and reminds Erik of the more-casual Charles he saw daily when they were in the cabin together. They meet in front of the seating area and share an amiable handshake, something they are usually required to engage in but that Erik has never quite liked, but this time it is oddly comforting to feel the pads of Charles’ fingers press against the back of Erik's hand, squeezing lightly. Erik smiles at Charles and it is warm and genuine, but the moment only lasts for a few seconds before Erik and Charles are required to step apart and take their seats.

 

Throughout the events of Erik’s life it has always been easy to pinpoint the moment when his steadily-rising ire has reached boiling point, becoming untempered anger that is expressed in the form of bitter scowls and harsh words- often accompanied by a low hum of metal vibrating courtesy of Erik's powers. It has happened numerous times in television and radio studios across the country, and though Erik feels like he has learnt to control himself for the most part, to remain professional above all else, there are some occasions when the subject matter at hand will prove to be incredibly inflammatory, making it difficult for Erik to maintain composure.

When it happens on this occasion it takes Erik by complete surprise. The debate so far has been a relatively tame affair, one that allows both Charles and Erik to discuss the given topic at length without either of them getting particularly agitated. Charles is on top form, providing thoughtful and informed comment on a number of issues whilst still remaining charming and affable, prompting a small thrill to run through Erik every time Charles compliments him or flashes him a warm smile- something that happens more than Erik expected it would. Erik cannot remember at which point he started to find the sound of Charles' voice so soothing; some calming, almost melodic tone that lulls Erik and comforts him. But then another voice cuts through the quiet, and any sense of relaxation immediately dissipates with alarming rapidity.

The interruption comes courtesy of a question from the audience, something that usually means inane enquiries about Erik and Charles’ respective personal lives, but in this instance results in a cruel and cutting interrogation that takes Erik completely unawares. One minute Erik is feeling relaxed and carefree as he sits under the studio lights, comforted by the presence of Charles that he registers in his periphery, and then those same lights are starting to creak ominously, the sound of groaning metal filling the air as Erik's jaw starts to clench and his hands begin to tremble, and one by one audience members and production staff alike start to noticeably panic.

The resulting scene is one that Erik is still thinking about some time later as he stands in a small room backstage, watching mutely as Emma verbally annihilates the rather scared-looking producers standing in front of her. For the past thirty minutes the network staff have been talking about lost revenues and criminal damage and ruined reputations, and all Erik can think about is how he can feel the blood pumping through the veins of everyone in the room, pounding in his ears, making everything seem too hot and too intense and too loud. But then there is the presence of Charles standing next to Erik, his hand gently squeezing Erik’s arm, and when Charles dips his head to nudge his face briefly against Erik's shoulder Erik feels some of the anger leave him, tempering into something more manageable.

“Don't make the mistake of thinking we care about whatever negative effect this will have on your reputation”, Emma says coldly, glaring harshly at the producers. “When it was agreed that Erik would appear on your shitty little talkshow there were certain stipulations to the arrangement, one of which was that you would not ask intrusive questions about the death of Erik's parents or what happened to him in the orphanage afterwards”.

“But the audience--"

Emma cuts the producer off before he has even had chance to really begin.

“I don’t give a fuck if the question came from a member of the audience”, Emma snaps. “They're _your_ audience- it’s your responsibility to vet and control them. You're lucky Charles intervened when he did, before Erik had a chance to raze the whole studio to the ground- and justifiably so”.

That particular aspect of the incident is one that Erik is not too proud of- the fact that it was Charles who stopped Erik, interceding when Erik was at his worse and using his telepathy to calm the situation, mentally reminding Erik of the hard work they have put in so far and what they are trying to achieve for mutantkind as a whole. Though a certain amount of rage still remained accompanied by loathsome sickness, just knowing that Charles was there, _feeling_ his presence, was apparently enough to appease Erik. It settles him still as they stand together now, watching as Emma continues to verbally cut down anyone who dares to oppose her, and though Erik knows that Charles' support is something he could ultimately come to rely on there's something that makes him withdraw.

Charles is there now, at Erik's side, but it cannot last for long. Their involvement with each other is comprised solely of these occasions when they will meet for one debate or another, but at the end of it they will always return to their respective lives, and therefore Erik cannot allow himself to think of Charles' support as something he can depend or rely on. For that reason, as Emma delivers the final blow to the hapless network staff members and turns around, Erik shrugs out of Charles' grasp and moves away from him, not even turning to see the impact his withdrawal has made.

“Erik...?” Charles says quietly.

“Just leave me alone...” Erik mutters, before trying to ignore the disapproving look Emma gives him as he follows her from the room.

 

The events of the afternoon are something that Erik is still dwelling on some time later as he sits inside a small room within the nearest mutant hostel, listening to the sound of laughter coming from nearby as young mutants play in the hallway. When they left the studio Erik stayed with Emma for some time afterwards, the two of them taking up residence in a local bar as they drank and ranted bitterly- or at least Emma did, whilst Erik merely drowned his sorrows. Eventually Emma had to leave to attend her prior engagement, meaning Erik was left alone to drink, think, regret, before eventually retreating to the hostel where he has remained for the rest of the day.

By the time night draws in Erik knows he where he would rather be compared to where he actually is. Across town Charles is probably already in his hotel room, most likely waiting for Erik to show up as per their usual routine, and Erik knows he could go to him, that he _wants_ to go to him, but like always Erik hesitates to begin with, telling himself he can resist.

Naturally less than an hour later Erik is walking down the corridor towards Charles’ hotel room, freshly showered and smartly dressed, already daydreaming about how it will feel to be with Charles once more. There's a chance Charles will be pissy on account of how Erik spoke to him earlier, and so Erik imagines he will likely be greeted by an assertive Charles jumping on top of him as soon as he steps though the door, yanking at Erik’s clothing and biting at his skin as Erik tries to play down how much he is enjoying the onslaught. Charles will either want to expend his frustrations by fucking Erik or insisting Erik fuck him mercilessly hard, either option Erik is amenable to, and they will then collapse into the sheets afterwards, sticky and sated.

Erik attempts to subtly adjust himself as he walks, concerned he is about to cause a scene by allowing his growing erection to tent his beige trousers obscenely. Fortunately Charles' room is only a few paces away and so Erik uses his powers to subtly unlock the door, before turning the handle and letting himself inside. It's quiet in the room, no signs of semi-naked telepaths protesting their annoyance at being kept waiting for so long, no flurry of snarky words that greet Erik as he advances into the sizeable space, looking around at where Charles’ belongings are scattered on seemingly every conceivable surface. It only takes Erik a short while to realise that the room is empty, meaning Charles is decidedly elsewhere, and it’s something Erik wasn't expecting to say the least.

The occasion signifies a noticeable departure from Erik and Charles’ normal routine, because it is the first time Erik hasn’t found Charles in his hotel room, waiting either patiently or impatiently depending on his mood. For a while Erik can only stand there, gazing around the room in disbelief before reaching for his phone and checking to see if he's received any messages, but when Erik sees none waiting there is really nothing he can really do but preserve whatever remaining pride he has, and leave.

 

The plan only lasts as far as the hotel lobby. As Erik exits the elevator and starts to advance towards the front doors of the building he finds himself faltering, distracted by a familiar metal watch against which an even more familiar heartbeat is thrumming. Erik turns in the direction of the hotel bar and spots Charles through the glass double doors, sitting on a bar stool and cradling what looks like a large glass of whiskey, and Erik heads over to join him before he can even think too much about it.

It's clear that Charles registers Erik’s presence, given the way his head inclines briefly in Erik's direction as he approaches, but Charles remains leaning against the bar for the most part, his shoulders hunched. It seems that Erik was right and Charles is pissed after all, and he only hopes that the alcohol Charles has consumed will at least enable him to lighten up somewhat.

“You're not in your room...” Erik says, taking a seat at the bar next to Charles.

Charles flashes a brief, unimpressed look in Erik's direction.

“What is this- ‘state the obvious day'? If that’s the case I feel obligated to tell you that you might want to seriously consider changing into more forgiving trousers, or at least strapping that thing down every time you leave the house, purely in the interests of public decency...”

Erik looks down at where the outline of his cock is apparently only too evident against the cream material of his trousers, before edging closer to the overhang of the bar in an attempt to disguise it.

“Perhaps if you weren’t constantly staring at my dick you wouldn't notice these things”, Erik counters, raising his eyebrows at Charles and giving him what he hopes is a seductive smile.

Charles only glowers in response, before taking another sip of his drink.

“Charles, why aren't you in your room?” Erik asks eventually.

“Why do you care...”

“Well, because... because...”

_Because normally you'd already be naked and spread out beneath me right now, fists clenching in the bedsheets as I eat you out, my tongue getting your hole nice and wet before I slide my cock inside._

If the thought is as loud and obtrusive as it feels to Erik regardless Charles never picks up on it, and so Erik simply finishes by saying: “Because I thought we had an arrangement”.

Charles scoffs. “We never have an arrangement... You just always assume I'm going to be there when you want to fuck”.

“Well in my defence you always have been... Charles, is this because of what I said to you earlier? I'm sorry if I was so abrupt with you... I was just preoccupied with what happened and I wasn’t thinking”.

For a moment Charles continues to stare down at his glass of whiskey, his fingers tracing around the rim, but eventually he sighs and Erik visibly sees some of the tension leave his body.

“Yes, I know- you were upset, and understandably so. I know you rarely mean it when you're rude to me, I just wish...” Charles trails off, appearing thoughtful as he finishes by saying quietly: “I just wish I didn't care so much about what you think of me...”

“What...?” Erik asks softly, feeling rather like he has missed something.

If there is an answer somewhere within Charles' mind it is not forthcoming, as Charles simply shakes his head and downs the last of his drink, before gesturing for the bartender to come over.

“Buy me a drink and I'll forgive you for being such a huge dick...” Charles says, before smirking slightly and adding: “...And maybe I'll suck your huge dick later”.

It's probably a bad idea, and Erik knows it as soon as Charles smiles at him in that gorgeous, disarming way he does sometimes. It would be smarter to say no, to just leave in fact, because if they aren't going to fuck like they always used to then maybe it is easier to withdraw, rather than to succumb to this strange new dynamic that is developing between them- at least on Erik's side. As Erik looks over at Charles he knows that the heat he feels coursing over his skin is not just the same sexual attraction that usually drives him, though that is certainly still there. It's a desire that goes much further than a need to fuck Charles senseless but one that seems likely to ultimately remain unfulfilled, because Charles' expression has returned to teasing and flirty once more and it's only too clear what he wants, and therefore what Erik cannot have.

“One drink...” Erik says, ultimately deciding that a short duration spent socialising with Charles is likely to be a worthy trade for a night spent fucking his gorgeous mouth...

 

One drink turns into two, into five, and by the time Erik is walking (or rather- _stumbling_ ) down the corridor towards Charles’ room he is feeling considerably inebriated. Of course, Erik isn't the only one... Tucked under Erik's arm is a very drunk and very tactile Charles, who seems to alternate between singing loudly and groping Erik, or sometimes doing both at the same time which results in Charles mumbling choruses of disjointed song lyrics into Erik's chest as he paws at his clothing. For the most part Erik tries to pretend the experience of manhandling Charles to his hotel room is one that irritates him, but in reality he is rather charmed by the sight of an intoxicated Charles, and turned on every time Charles' hands trail down to fumble indiscriminately at Erik's crotch or ass.

As soon as they are inside Charles’ hotel room the wandering of Charles' hands only intensifies. Charles shoves Erik up against the nearest wall, yanking Erik's shirttails out of trousers before he drops to his knees, pulling at the fastenings of Erik's trousers whilst Erik can only stare down at him, transfixed.

“Alright, time for you to get your big, beautiful cock out...” Charles murmurs, his eyes half-lidded and dark with lust.

Erik slides one hand into Charles' hair, tugging lightly as Charles pulls Erik's trousers and underwear down to his ankles. Immediately Charles leans forward to press his mouth to Erik's cock, prompting a resultant shudder that runs through Erik’s body as Charles smears lust-stupid kisses all along the length of Erik's shaft, before starting to suck on the sensitive head. Though there is alcohol fogging up Erik’s brain he still maintains some semblance of certainty about what this evening will mean- he is going to let Charles suck him off until he comes, and then he is going to leave. That's it. With such conviction in mind it is easy for Erik to gaze down at Charles, groaning as he watches his cock slide in and out of Charles’ perfect pink mouth, legs trembling with just how _good_ it feels, and how wonderfully uncomplicated things can be when they are like this. But then Charles withdraws and looks up at Erik, his eyes wanton and his lips wet with saliva, and things suddenly get a great deal more complex.

“Make love to me...” Charles whispers, gazing up at Erik.

Erik falters, hand still entwined in Charles’ hair as he stares down at him, arousal pooling in the pit of his stomach as he contemplates the idea, as new and unexpected as it is. Though Erik and Charles have had sex numerous times it has always been of a similar nature- hard and fast and _incredibly_ satisfying, but merely a means of expending energy more than anything else. Though Erik could be reading too much into the words of a considerably tipsy Charles, it seems like maybe Charles wants something different this time- something Erik is not sure he should give.

As it happens though it does not seem like Charles is so willing to take no for an answer, or that he even expected Erik would refuse. Charles immediately clambers to his feet and begins to grab at Erik's clothing, practically ripping his top open as Erik spares a thought for his favourite shirt, watching as an errant button goes flying across the room. A scowl spreads quickly over Erik's face as he starts to curse at Charles but then Charles presses his face against Erik's chest and starts to kiss him there, and Erik’s protests turn to a low murmur.

It is always this way with them- though Erik may find flashes of annoyance passing through his body like bolts of lightning the storm is always fleeting, tempering into something calmer. Erik feels that way as he looks at Charles now, as he watches Charles turn his attention towards his own clothing, frantically discarding it until he is standing there- naked and beautiful and freckled seemingly everywhere Erik looks. Once Charles is entirely nude he steps closer to Erik once more, placing both hands flat on Erik's chest as he gazes up at him, and not for the first time Erik knows he would give anything to be able to perceive the meaning in Charles' expression- in wide blue eyes and a mouth that is parted, making Charles seem quietly awed. When Charles lifts his head and kisses Erik this time it is slow and sensual- a marked departure from the frenzy of before- and it is easy for Erik to give in to the moment, to wrap his arms around Charles' waist and hold him. Erik's hard cock presses against Charles’ warm belly and though Erik really, _really_ wants to fuck him he knows that he would consent to nothing but this too, because it is perfection in its simplicity.

In reality it was perhaps never really a question of whether they would end up here, like this, naked and staggering over to the bed, bodies already hopelessly entwined. Charles tumbles onto the mattress first and for a moment just lies there, gazing up at Erik with some unusual, unknowing expression on his face, and normally this would be the point when Charles would tease Erik, perhaps grasping his own cock and slowly stroking it as he stares at Erik, daring him to come closer. But instead Charles remains where he is, watching Erik until eventually he sits upright and shifts forward, moving until he is sitting perched on the edge of the bed.

Erik finds that he is completely spellbound as Charles places both hands on Erik's thighs and leans closer, expecting that Charles will start to suck on his cock once more but instead finding that he does something else entirely. Charles presses his lips gently to the point of Erik's hip, opening his mouth and swiping his tongue slowly across the area before tracking upwards, making Erik tremble helplessly at the sensation of Charles mouthing at the sensitive skin of his lower abdomen. It's more than just the physical feeling that affects Erik though, it's the intimacy of the gesture- made even more significant by the fact that the area where Charles is kissing is marked by a single long scar; a mark of Erik's past with Shaw whether Charles is aware of it or not. But then Charles leans back and looks at the area solemnly before moving in close once more to place a simple, soft kiss to the scar, and not for the first time Erik is forced to wonder how much Charles really knows about him.

More than once Erik has thought about asking more explicitly, about opening himself up to the overwhelming possibility that Charles' telepathy may have enabled him to acquire the grisly details of Erik’s past; information either gleaned deliberately or entirely unknowingly. It's something Erik has never really wanted to discuss, almost like he believes that by not mentioning it the subject stays locked up tight somewhere it cannot hurt him, but deep down Erik knows that he's only kidding himself. Charles is incredibly intuitive even outside of being a telepath, not to mention the fact that the secrets of Erik's past have been exposed by the press numerous times already- splashed across newspaper pages accompanied by sensationalist headlines. In reality Erik knows there is very little point in hiding from Charles, in any manner of speaking, and yet he cannot seem to stop doing exactly that.

Still, the events of the night seem like they provide reason enough for Erik to not need to be so avoidant, for once. As Charles pulls Erik down on top of himself Erik can smell the alcohol on Charles' breath, can taste it in his mouth. It seems likely Erik could give into this encounter with Charles, embrace the desire and the passion of the occasion, and then the next morning just pass it off as a drunken mistake- something they might not even need to talk about. For that reason Erik only hesitates for the barest moment before clambering off the bed and wandering over to where his discarded trousers are lying on the floor, rummaging in his pockets for the condom and small packet of lube he brought with him. Erik finds them quickly and turns back towards Charles, arousal deepening as he watches Charles crawl further up the bed, keeping his eyes fixed devotedly on Charles as he crosses the room once more to join him.

As soon as Erik gets to the bed Charles reaches for him once more, grasping hold of Erik and pulling him close so that they end up lying side-by-side on the bed, kissing each other hungrily. Charles drapes one leg over Erik's waist and Erik slides his hand around to prep him, pushing his lubed fingers inside Charles’ arse as Charles whines delightfully. It's a marked difference compared to their usual intimacies- when prep would be hasty and conducted from behind, that’s if Charles and Erik didn't just do it themselves rather than relying on each other anyway- and it's yet another thing Erik plans to pass off as due to their respective intoxication later. But though Erik is aware that he's certainly had more than his fair share of drinks this evening, he also knows that the feeling of Charles gasping into his mouth as Erik touches him is going to be a memory that will be hard to forget.

When Charles has been suitably prepared Erik pulls away, kneeling on the bed as he brings the condom to his mouth and prepares to tear the wrapper open with his teeth. If things are going to go the usual way then Erik knows that Charles will soon be rolling over onto his stomach, pointing his glorious arse in Erik's direction ready for Erik to fuck him, but increasingly it is apparent that nothing about this encounter can be considered normal. For that reason Erik knows he shouldn’t really be that surprised when Charles instead shifts so that he is lying on his back on the bed, his legs spread either side of Erik. Regardless Erik finds himself pausing as he stares at Charles in surprise, particularly when Charles speaks to him.

“Don't...” Charles says softly. “You don't need that- I know you're clean. And besides- I want to _feel_ you”.

Erik’s heart tremors as he stares at Charles, arousal deepening as he contemplates the prospect of fucking Charles bareback for the first time- an idea that's appealing not just because of how _good_ it will undoubtedly feel but because of the unparalleled intimacy it represents. For a few seconds Erik only gazes at Charles, still holding the unopened condom between his teeth, but eventually he discards it and moves closer to Charles, taking up position in-between his spread legs. Charles' eyes remain fixed on Erik as he moves, watching as Erik smears lube over his erect cock, but after a short while Charles reaches for Erik and pulls him closer, hastening the act into commencing.

The moment when Erik pushes inside is when it happens. Already the encounter has been oddly profound and charged with passion, and when Erik slides his cock into Charles he feels something that sets it even further apart from the norm- a strange, shimmering kind of light filtering into his senses. The warm swell of sensation settles over Erik's mentality, the feeling like the fond embrace of an old friend, and even without naming it Erik knows what it is.

Erik’s right-hand-woman is a psychic, and as such Erik is only too familiar with how it feels when Emma uses her telepathy on him. The feeling has always been mildly unpleasant- something cold and creeping without being overly intrusive- but with Charles the sensation is different; gentler, warmer. Erik pauses where he is leaning over Charles, his cock buried inside him to the hilt, and as Charles stares up at Erik with wide blue eyes Erik feels it, and knows he does not fear it this time. Carefully Erik reaches to cup Charles’ face, trails his fingers along Charles' jawline, brushes his thumb against Charles’ lower lip, and as the first sign of a smile begins to creep over Charles’ expression Erik dips his head to kiss him, closing his eyes as he embraces the moment.

This time when they fuck it is slow and deep and thorough- a noticeable difference to the encounters of the past. Erik thrusts into Charles and murmurs his name and presses his face into Charles' neck, unable to remember at what point their fingers became entwined but not minding anyway. Charles appears equally enamoured in return as he wraps his legs around Erik’s waist to keep him close, moaning heatedly every time Erik rolls his hips. And throughout it all there is the constant presence of Charles’ telepathy, the warmth of Charles’ mind against Erik's own- comforting and intimate and for the first time not something Erik fears.

It's almost a shame that the act is something Erik knows he will have to deny to himself when the morning comes, something that he will have to crystallise into a single, shining memory to be tucked away somewhere deep within his mind. But Charles was drunk when they started this and he is still drunk now, and therefore Erik is almost certain that the way Charles is grabbing at him is as a result of intoxication and nothing else, particularly given the way Charles' hold loosens in time as if he is growing tired. For that reason Erik keeps his face pressed into Charles' neck as they fuck, hiding in plain sight as he thrusts into Charles, feeling the pleasure build and build until he is gasping and groaning under his breath. Eventually it all becomes too much- everything feels so right and so perfect and so _good_ \- and all Erik can do is squeeze Charles’ hand tighter as he shakes apart and comes.

In the moments afterwards Erik lies there, slumped against Charles' body as he waits for his breathing to return to normal. Erik is still holding Charles' hand, their fingers entwined, but as Erik slowly comes down from the pure ecstasy of climax he realises something- that Charles' grip has considerably lessened.

Erik rises up to rest on his forearms, looking down at Charles and immediately feeling a creeping feeling of mild horror spread through his body as he regards Charles where he lies there, quiet and unmoving. At first Erik thinks that maybe Charles is just blissed out from the encounter and he is taking a minute to recover, but as Erik stares down at Charles he slowly begins to realise that it's not true, and that Charles is clearly- worryingly- unconscious.

“Charles...” Erik murmurs quietly, reaching to gently grasp his face, tapping his fingers against Charles' cheek in an attempt to rouse him. Charles doesn’t respond, doesn't move at all, and the feeling of sickness intensifies as Erik realises he is unable to remember at what point Charles stopped actively participating. Panic sparks in Erik's mind as he starts to wonder if he has hurt Charles, if he has pushed him into something he was too drunk to know if he wanted in the first place, and in that moment it becomes painfully clear- the oncoming morning is going to prove extremely difficult for more reasons than Erik initially realised.


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

Guilt and reprisals have come all too often in Erik's life. Though Erik takes great care to present the outward image of someone who is unfeeling and uncompromising, inside he knows he feels things very deeply, and as such there is nothing worse to him than knowing he has hurt someone he cares about.

Because Erik _does_ care about Charles, in spite of all the reasons he has told himself why he shouldn’t. It is clear on the night Erik returns to the mutant hostel he is staying at whilst he is in town, arriving there a short while after he left Charles at the hotel, still thinking about him continuously. As Erik lets himself into his modest room he remembers staring down at Charles’ motionless body earlier, watching him breathe quietly and feeling his own heart hammer erratically within his chest at the sight. Erik knows he probably should have stayed, he knows he should have waited for Charles to wake up so that he could talk to him- most likely apologise for whatever wrongdoing he committed. But fear prompted Erik to leave, fear told Erik to run- to cover Charles with a bedsheet before getting dressed and exiting the hotel- and fear keeps Erik now, in his room, away from Charles as he once again wishes that things were somehow different between the two of them.

Sleep for Erik that night is hard fought and barely won. After showering Erik climbs into bed, feeling fatigue render his limbs as heavy and useless, finding that the tiredness consuming his body competes with the continual whirring of his mind. Erik cannot stop thinking about Charles; a combination of amorous reflection as he remembers fucking Charles- _making love_ to him- feeling the warmth and weight of Charles beneath, contradicted by growing horror as he later regarded the sight of Charles still and immobile, entirely unconscious for god only knows how long. The opposing feelings battle for dominance within Erik's mind, become a war that Erik cannot win, and that ultimately keep him from sleep for a considerable amount of time, until the sun begins to rise.

Erik manages a few minutes of sleep here and there, success snatched from the jaws of defeat, but it is barely enough to sustain him and when he wakes he finds that the overwhelming feeling of tiredness still lingers within his body. With steadily-increasing noise coming from downstairs suggesting that the other occupants of the hostel have begun to rise, Erik knows that he stands little chance of attaining any further rest. He tries for a while, lies there staring at the rays of the sun slowly tracking across the ceiling, but eventually Erik gives up and decides the only thing he can really do is just get up and make a start on his day.

A short shower provides Erik with a small amount of cognizance but he knows he's going to need a lot more help in order to be able to face the day. With that in mind Erik dresses and starts to make his way to the kitchen, deciding that caffeine is likely to be the only thing to suitably revive him, though he doesn't want to think about how many cups he’s going to need to consume before he feels even partway alert... The idea of setting foot in the communal area of the hostel where there are clearly already a number of rowdy young mutants assembled is distinctly unappealing, but with the smell of freshly brewed coffee already in the air Erik decides to persevere.

To begin with Erik harbours a small hope that he will be able to just slip in and out of the kitchen relatively undetected, though he knows in reality that most mutants tend to react with a considerable amount of excitement when they realise they are in the presence of the notorious Magneto, rendering such an option as null and void. Nevertheless Erik keeps his head down as he approaches the kitchen door, taking a deep breath as he prepares to step inside, until the point when he hears the sound of a familiar voice- one that seems completely out of place and is unexpected to say the least.

Erik steps into the kitchen, and his mouth instantly dries at the sight before himself.

“...Well, you see- the thing about mutations is they are imperfect in their simplicity. Nature is just trying to set a precedent for future success- bestowing the relevant person with gifts and abilities that are essentially a precursor to inherent superiority, but the problem is such advancements don't take into account the societal or any other implications that they cause. Nature doesn’t care about convention or expectation, only advancement. Evolution, you see. It’s the key to everything”.

The words are ones that Erik has heard more than once in varying forms, given out by a soothing voice that at one time filled Erik with indignant rage but that now only prompts wistful fondness. Erik lingers in the doorway to the kitchen and stares at Charles where he is leaning against the kitchen counter, looking so at home in such an alien environment, standing there in front of a number of assembled mutants who are all looking at him in certain interest. It seems so impossible that for a moment Erik wonders if this is all some kind of strange dream and perhaps the events of last night never really happened at all. But then Erik sees the marks on Charles’ skin- love bites and stubble rash covering Charles' neck caused by Erik’s actions mere hours earlier- and he knows that it was no such dream, but in many ways something bordering on a very real nightmare.

One of the mutants starts up with excited chatter and as Charles listens he turns to look at Erik, flashing him a shy and tentative smile that does nothing to quell the nerves running through Erik's body. Seeing Charles is like a painful reminder of everything that happened and everything Erik did, and the fact that Charles is just standing there and he hasn’t addressed Erik at all only makes Erik feel even worse. It's agonising in a way that Erik is sure might only grow more harrowing when Charles finally does speak to him, because for all Erik knows Charles is only there to confront Erik, perhaps even hurt him for what he did. In truth Charles could probably destroy Erik with little more than a single thought and Erik knows that, so the fact that Charles has so far refrained could be considered a positive sign, but it still does nothing to temper the arduous insecurity that plagues Erik's senses.

But just when things are at their worst a small reprieve comes in an unexpected form.

_“Can we talk?”_

The words appear in Erik's head as if whispered intimately in his ear, causing Erik to jump slightly in response given he wasn't expecting them in the least. Though Erik has never liked it very much Emma has spoken to him telepathically from time to time but it is something that Charles has never done before, at least not until now. The experience of hearing Charles’ voice in his head renders Erik as so shocked that for a while he can only stare over at Charles, completely still as if frozen in place. Eventually though Erik recovers his senses enough to nod, mildly reassured by the small smile Charles gives in response, before Erik turns and walks away.

 

Some time later Erik is standing in his small room within the hostel, trying to calm the feeling of nerves running through his body like waves of revulsion passing over his skin. Though Erik currently has no real reason to believe that Charles is in any way upset or even angry with him, that doesn't make Erik feel any better about the situation or what he did last night. Hope lingers though, like the small glow of residual light, and it's likely for that reason why Erik spends a few minutes standing in front of the mirror before Charles arrives, attempting to sort his appearance into some kind of order.

Regardless, when Erik finally hears a knock at the door he is sure he still looks awful- hair hastily brushed back and dark circles under his eyes from a lack of sleep the previous night. Charles in comparison looks like sunlight- warm and gorgeous as he heeds Erik's call to enter, stepping into the room carrying two cups in his hands. If Charles is feeling the effects of the previous night's drinking he isn't showing it, because aside from the marks Erik made on his skin there is no evidence whatsoever of everything that happened last night, suggesting that either Charles wasn’t really as drunk as he appeared to be or he is remarkably good at recovering.

“Hey, I brought coffee- you look like you might need it”, Charles says, confirming Erik's assumptions about how terrible he must look.

“ _Danke_ ”, Erik murmurs quietly, taking the cup from Charles’ hand.

The room Erik is staying in is rather compact, comprised of a single bed and wardrobe and very little else, meaning Erik is unable to offer Charles anywhere for them both to sit down, aside from the bed... It seems entirely too suggestive but Erik gestures towards it anyway, feeling somewhat reassured as Charles smiles politely and wanders over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge as Erik moves to sit beside him, unable to so much as look at Charles all of a sudden.

“I'm sorry...”

The words are ones that Erik has had running through his head all morning, but to his surprise it's Charles who says them first. Erik turns to look at him in complete surprise, eyes widening as he gazes at Charles sitting there with his hands wrapped around his mug of tea, his face suddenly thoughtful and pensive.

“What are _you_ sorry for?” Erik asks.

Charles sighs quietly. “For what happened last night- how I threw myself at you, and what I did... with my telepathy...”

“Your telepathy?”

Erik remembers it then- the blissful feeling of Charles’ mind gently brushing against Erik’s own, the warmth and contentment of it. It was purest thing Erik has ever felt, the most wonderful sensation, and Erik can't imagine why Charles would be feeling remorseful about it now.

“Charles, you don’t have to apologise for that--”

“Yes I do”, Charles interrupts, still staring down at the cup in his hands. “As a telepath I hold myself to a certain standard, adhering to a code of conduct that dictates I do not fully enter the minds of others without being explicitly invited. It's one thing to perceive superficial emotions and pick up on surface thoughts but another entirely to forcibly enter another mind without their express permission. I... I violated you, and I'm sorry”.

Charles’ voice sounds so pained and Erik can't help the way his heart clenches in response; a very visceral feeling that speaks of how much he really does hate the idea of Charles being hurt in any way. It's especially upsetting considering Erik knows Charles has no real reason to feel so ashamed, because Charles has done absolutely nothing wrong.

Tentatively Erik reaches over towards Charles, fear running through his body as he places one hand on Charles’ knee and squeezes lightly. Charles immediately flinches at the contact, looking down at Erik’s hand on his body like he cannot believe the very sight of it, but he doesn't pull away and Erik sees that as a positive sign.

“You've done nothing to apologise for...” Erik says gently, prompting Charles to slowly turn to meet Erik's eyes at last. “What happened was unexpected, certainly. Unprecedented. But I didn't hate it. In fact, I... I thought it was wonderful”.

“You did...?” Charles asks, softly awed.

Erik nods quietly. “I've never felt power like it”.

Charles’ eyes slip out of focus at that, some unknowable meaning passing over his expression as he drops his gaze and starts to chew on his lower lip. If Erik didn't know any better he would say Charles looks almost disappointed, but it's not clear and Erik cannot even begin to comprehend what Charles is thinking when he says softly: “Power... I should have known”.

With a soft sigh Charles lifts his cup to his lips, swallowing a few mouthfuls of his drink, whilst meanwhile Erik stares at him and wonders how two people who spend most of their time talking are so terrible at doing so with each other.

“It's funny...” Erik starts. “When you came here I was under the impression I'd be the one needing to apologise to you”.

Charles gives out a small, mirthless laugh. “Really? How come?”

It seems so silly to think it now, much less to say it out loud. Even without examining the subject too thoroughly Erik knows that Charles seemed more than willing to participate last night, particularly given the way he connected with Erik telepathically during the encounter, but it still doesn't explain what happened right at the end. And though Erik knows he's going to feel like a complete idiot for vocalising his concerns, he'd rather say something than nothing if it means he can get some kind of explanation.

“I... I was worried that I'd hurt you...” Erik says eventually. “You know- took advantage of you in some way, because of how drunk you were”.

“Erik, don't be absurd... I know you would never hurt me. I mean, yes- I was substantially hammered, but that doesn't mean I didn't want it. Why on earth would you think you took advantage of me?”

“Well, because... because of what happened at the end. You passed out or fell asleep or something, and I didn’t even know how long you’d been unconscious for. I should have noticed. I should have stopped...”

“Ah...” Charles says quietly, a strangely guilty look creeping over his face. “I'm afraid the explanation for that series of events is a little bit embarrassing, for me at least... I was there with you right up until the end, but, um... being connected to you telepathically, feeling the _pleasure_ coming from your mind as you climaxed... It really slammed into me and I suppose I wasn't prepared for how good it felt, and I'm rather ashamed to admit it completely knocked me out”.

“ _That’s_ what happened? My orgasm rendered you incapacitated?”

“Mm-hmm. Completely and utterly fuckstruck... I suppose this makes me a pretty lousy lay, considering I can't even make it until the end without passing out”.

Charles is wrong though. Even after taking into account the way it ended Erik knows that last night was one of the best experiences of his life; the sex, the connection with Charles- everything. It was an encounter Erik would happily repeat but the only problem is Erik doesn't even know if that’s a possibility, because this is not the dynamic he and Charles normally share- it is new, uncharted territory, and who knows where it leads. But for the first time Erik finds that with complete conviction he wants to find out. He does not just want to set aside everything that's happened and pretend they are little more than bitter rivals once more, and he's not sure he could anyway. Something has changed now, and Erik can't quite put his finger on what it is.

But before Erik has time to consider the matter any further Charles lets out a low sigh, before placing his cup on the bedside table and standing up.

“Well, I guess if the events of last night prove anything it's this...” Charles starts, turning to look down at Erik. “I don't think we should have drunken sex again”.

Erik snaps his head up to look at Charles so quickly he's surprised he doesn't give himself whiplash.

“You don’t?”

“Well surely you don't either, given the way things worked out? It was a stupid idea anyway- I should have just met you in my hotel room like I always used to, I don’t know why I did anything differently”. Charles smiles at Erik warmly, before adding: “The next time we'll be seeing each other is that radio show in six weeks, right? I’ll see you then, and I promise I'll be in my hotel room afterwards this time”.

Charles turns and begins to walk away, and the response comes out before Erik has even thought about it.

“No”.

An expression of confusion manifests quickly on Charles' face as he turns to look at Erik once more.

“No? As in- no, you’re not appearing on the radio show anymore? Or no, you don't want to see me afterwards?”

“No, I don't want to see you afterwards. Not like that- not how we always used to”.

For a moment Charles only stares at Erik, his lower lip giving out an evident tremble that Erik cannot fully perceive the meaning of, though it looks like disappointment or perhaps something more troubling. Erik has seen that same expression more than once- most recently in the cabin, displayed every time Erik was rude to Charles or pulled away from him, and though Erik has wondered what it means on several occasions he has never delved into the subject too deeply. Now though, he finds his mind focusing- honing in with laser precision, remembering every single downcast expression that has flitted across Charles’ face, trying to discern what it all means. It will likely take some time to figure out- Erik is no telepath, after all- but he knows that he wants to try, and that's when he realises something else too.

Erik stares up at Charles, recognises the moment when Charles shuts down whatever he is feeling and pushes it aside, makes himself pretend that everything is fine. It’s something Erik has seen Charles do more than once- almost as if he believes his emotions are something to be contained; unlikely to be validated by others and therefore not worth expressing. But Erik cares about how Charles feels. Erik cares about Charles in general. And perhaps it goes much, much deeper than that.

The realisation is startling but somehow completely unsurprising too- like noticing something unexpected that has always been there. Erik thinks back over every moment with Charles, every memory clouded with indignation or rage or lust or whatever else, and beneath it all there is something else too- some sweetness Erik has never chosen to name. Its advent has been so subtle Erik has never really noticed it, never wanted to pay it much attention, but now with the prospect of just going back to how things used to be looming over Erik's head he finds that he doesn't want to hide for one minute longer. Clearly though, Charles interprets Erik's words differently.

“Oh... Um, alright...” Charles says, the forlorn expression on his face making Erik's heart ache. “I suppose I shouldn’t have expected things to last forever- if you don't want to see me anymore then I understand. I'll... I'll go now”.

Charles' shoulders are hunched as he turns and starts to walk towards the door, his expression downcast and his body language defeated. Charles is always at his most beautiful when he is happy so it pains Erik to see him like this, particularly when he knows he has caused it, and consequently it isn't long before Erik is standing up and stepping over to him, reaching to seize Charles’ arm. Charles stops instantly, his brows drawing together in a slight frown, but he remains in Erik's hold which provides Erik with some mild relief.

“You don't have to explain...” Charles says quietly before Erik has a chance to clarify his actions. “You don’t owe me anything”.

Erik shakes his head. “Charles, you don't understand. I don't want things to go back to the way they were before- I don't want to just meet you for some quick fuck and then not see you again for weeks afterwards. I want... something more”.

“More...?” Charles asks, his mouth parting in surprise as he looks up to meet Erik's eyes. “What do you mean?”

As Erik stands there he rubs his thumb slowly against Charles’ arm where he's still holding him, gazing down at his gorgeous face- at full, red lips, at pale skin adorned with a constellation of freckles, at eyes that are so wide and so impossibly blue. He is everything Erik has told himself he doesn’t want and everything that has plagued his thoughts nonetheless, and though it scares him Erik knows he needs to speak his mind this time, lest the words stick in his throat and choke him.

Erik drops his gaze, heart pounding as he starts to speak.

“Charles, I... I think I'm falling in love with you...”

In the wake of his words Erik cannot bring himself to meet Charles’ eyes, cannot bear the thought of seeing any kind of revulsion or pity in them. Because although the signs have been positive Erik has no real reason to assume that his declaration will be met with anything but shock and aversion, or that Charles will be at all interested in anything more than their prior arrangement of casual sex. That conclusion seems to be compounded when the only response given out by Charles turns out to be a small, soft laugh- one that cuts Erik to the bone, and as he closes his eyes Erik finds the only thing he can hope for is that Charles will just leave quickly, rather than staying and ridiculing Erik for his foolish disclosure.

But then there is a feeling, a warming glow filtering into Erik's senses accompanied by the gentle touch of Charles' hands as he places them both flat on Erik's chest, and Erik's hope reignites. Because this time when Erik lifts his gaze the look in Charles' eyes is not sadness or confusion displayed within those deep pools of blue, it is something infinitely more affectionate.

“Erik...” Charles starts, smiling warmly. “Darling, I’ve been in love with you from the very first moment I met you...”

Erik's mouth parts as he stares at Charles, disbelief clouding his senses and making everything seem like it is covered by a kind of soft gauze that distorts Erik's vision and muffles his hearing. Because Erik can't possibly have heard correctly- there’s no way Charles can really have said what Erik thought he did. Even the sight of Charles now is a contradiction to everything Erik thinks he knows- some beautiful vision gazing up at Erik devotedly, the palms of his hands warm against Erik’s chest; his very touch an inconsistency between everything Erik feels and everything he's sure he understands.

“You... _what_?” Erik mumbles.

Charles' smile grows even wider.

“Don't go pretending you have sudden onset deafness so I have to say it again... You heard me”.

“But... how? Why?”

“Mmm, well those are just two very open-ended questions...” Charles says, moving closer so that he has to tilt his head up to meet Erik's eyes. “If you want to get technical the how and the why can both be attributed to the same cause- a series of chemicals flooding my brain; serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline rendering me able to think of little else than your gorgeous face, your seductive voice, your beautiful body... Personally, I think it's something else though. Mutation is very much the gift you say it is, at least in my regard, because my telepathy enabled me to _know_ you from the very first moment that I met you. It was very much an overview rather than a thorough digest- like reading the synopsis on the back of a book, if you will- but regardless, let's just say I liked what I read”.

Erik continues to stare down at Charles in disbelief, lulled by the proximity of his body and all the nice things he is saying, but astounded by him too.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Erik murmurs.

Charles shrugs, but he appears to be anything but nonchalant as he replies: “Having you like this was better than not having you at all...”

“But... But I was so rude to you...”

“Ah, yes- I know...” Charles starts, his fingers playing with the buttons of Erik's shirt. “That hasn't always been easy for me to deal with, I must say- even though all the hot sex made up for it somewhat... There were numerous times when I wondered if it might be easier for me to just give up, to end my involvement with you, but then- when we were in the cabin- it felt like things were finally changing. I'm... right, aren't I? That's when you started to like me?”

Erik reaches one hand up to gently cup Charles’ face, rubbing his thumb against Charles’ jawline, spellbound by Charles' expression as he seems to melt in response to Erik's touch, his eyes closing slowly in reverence.

“You're wrong...” Erik says quietly. “It was before that. I think it was before I even realised it was happening... You're under my skin, Charles- have been for months now”.

“This skin?” Charles whispers, lowering his hands and sliding them up under Erik's shirt, caressing Erik’s stomach with gentle fingertips. Charles moves closer and presses his face into Erik's chest and in return Erik can't help but cradle Charles' head with both hands, trailing his fingers through Charles' hair.

It's strange how intimate the occasion feels. Erik has seen Charles naked more times that he can count, he has touched every single part of him, he has stared into Charles’ eyes as he comes in his mouth, and yet _this_ is the thing that feels so profoundly personal. Charles tilts his head up and smiles at Erik and Erik sees it then- the look of adoration in Charles’ eyes that has always been there, hiding in plain sight. It matches the way Erik feels, the warm sentiment that resounds within Erik's heart, that makes him feel hopeful and alive for the first time in years, that soothes him and comforts him. Though the frenzied, passionate encounters of the last few months have been endlessly fulfilling Erik knows he has something better now- because this is sustainable; a fire that will not fade in time.

Erik's fingers remain entwined in Charles’ hair as he leans down to kiss him, pressing his lips to Charles’ mouth in a sweet gesture that is a marked departure from their usual kinds of contact. This time Erik doesn't embrace Charles forcefully or shove him up against the nearest wall or throw him down onto the bed- he holds Charles carefully, as if he is a precious artefact to be treasured. He's rewarded in the way Charles _moans_ as Erik kisses him, his arms sliding around Erik's waist as he moves closer still, pressing his body against Erik's own. Already Charles is hard- Erik can feel the length of his cock through the material of his trousers- and where that would normally prompt Erik to rush, to grasp at Charles' clothes and frantically pull them off, this time he instead chooses to savour the experience, wanting it to last.

For that reason it takes a while for Charles and Erik to end up in bed, sprawled naked across the sheets, Erik on his back with Charles straddling his waist. The encounter so far has been slow and sensual, meaning Erik is almost painfully aroused as he stares up at Charles, groaning heatedly as Charles holds Erik's cock and rubs his own against it.

“I knew you liked this...” Charles murmurs, grinning wickedly as Erik grasps Charles' thighs with both hands.

“You're naked and you're sat on top of me- why wouldn’t I like this?”

“Well, you did a pretty good job of pretending you hated it when we were in the cabin...”

Erik pauses, staring up at Charles.

“I'm sorry, Liebling- I never meant to make you think--”

Immediately Erik's words are halted by Charles leaning over to kiss him, remaining close-by afterwards as he gently caresses Erik's face.

“Don't apologise for anything...” Charles mumbles against Erik's lips. “What’s past is past- all I care about is the future. Maybe our future...?”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that...” Erik replies, sliding both hands down to cup Charles' glorious arse. “And what would this future of ours involve exactly?”

Charles smiles happily, dipping his head to start to place gentle kisses along Erik's neck as he answers.

“It would be like this... me and you... in bed together... You would have to be naked all of the time, of course...”

“Well wouldn't that prove a bit of a problem when it comes to my day job? They might not let me on television anymore if I'm naked...”

Charles laughs, the warmth of his breath coursing over Erik's ribcage as Charles continues to place soft kisses to Erik's skin, trailing downwards.

“Hmm, it seems you’d have to retire then, spend the rest your days with me...” Charles draws his lips slowly across the sensitive skin of Erik's lower abdomen, prompting a shiver to run through Erik's body. “Would you like that, Erik? Would you like to spend the rest of your days, like this, with me...?”

Erik attempts to respond, but then Charles' lips reach the juncture between Erik's groin and his thigh and as Charles presses his face into the area Erik can only groan, gripping Charles' hair with both hands. Charles trails his lips over to Erik's cock where it is resting flush against his stomach, tilting his head up to flash Erik a filthy smile before he takes Erik's cock in his mouth, swallowing down the whole length without warning. It feels obscenely good, as most things with Charles always do, but what makes the experience even more incredible- other that the sight of a gorgeous, naked, freckled telepath lying in-between Erik's legs- is the fact that Erik can _feel_ Charles’ presence as they lie together. Charles sucks on Erik's cock and at the same time his mind opens up to Erik, nudges companionably against Erik's own, and it is perfect.

_“Is this alright?”_ Charles asks, speaking directly into Erik's head, clearly in need of some reassurance.

In response Erik brushes Charles' hair back from his forehead, staring down at him adoringly.

“ _Perfekt_ , Liebling”, Erik murmurs. “I love being able to feel you in my mind”.

_“You can speak to me in the same way, you know. I'm not just talking to you like this because my mouth's full...”_

It's not something Erik has really done before- though Emma has told him more than once that they can communicate telepathically- perhaps due to the fact that Erik has never been that comfortable with the idea. For Charles though, Erik is willing to try something new.

_“Like this?”_ Erik sends.

Charles immediately winces, before withdrawing his mouth from Erik's cock and crawling up his body once more.

“We may need to work on your projection...” Charles says, smiling as he lies down flat against Erik's chest, his legs spread so that his knees are placed either side of Erik's waist. “For now though, let's return to something that I already know you’re good at...”

With that, Charles sits upright and leans over to the side, reaching into Erik's bag which Erik deposited on the floor the previous night. Charles rummages inside for a moment before returning with a bottle of lube clutched in his hand, smiling victoriously.

“Ah-ha, I knew you'd have supplies, you dirty boy... Prep me?”

Erik nods and takes the bottle from Charles, smiling as Charles leans close to kiss Erik once more, their mouths moving together sensually. As they embrace Erik pops the cap off the lube and pours some onto his fingers, before trailing them down the line between Charles' buttocks and starting to slide the digits inside, arousal deepening as he listens to the delightful noises Charles gives out. Charles' tendency to be vocal has always been one of Erik’s favourite things about him, and already Erik is immensely excited about all the noises he may be able to prompt from Charles, as long as he can be assured of one thing first...

“Charles...” Erik starts, removing his fingers and watching as Charles sits upright so he is straddling Erik's waist once more. “You’re not going to pass out on me this time, are you?”

Charles smiles widely, grinning down at Erik as he reaches behind himself to coat Erik's cock with lubricant.

“I'll try my best to contain myself...” Charles says, giving Erik's cock a few firm strokes that already have Erik's toes curling in response.

Despite only being with Charles around twelve hours earlier Erik finds that his need for him is still all-consuming, like he has only had a small dose and he needs another fix to sustain himself. Erik keeps his eyes fixed devotedly on Charles as he slowly starts to sink down onto Erik's cock, watching Charles' face tense as he adjusts to the stretch, the palms of his hands clenching against Erik's chest. It occurs to Erik then that this is the first time he has been with Charles like this, excluding the drunken encounter of the previous night- the first time that they have fucked actually facing each other, instead of just doing it from behind as they usually would. It's an unparalleled kind of intimacy but one that, for the first time, doesn't have Erik wanting to turn away, because in truth there is nowhere he would rather be.

“You're so beautiful, Liebling...” Erik murmurs, smoothing his hands over Charles’ chest before reaching down to grasp his flushed pink cock, squeezing gently.

Charles moans heatedly in response, an evident tremor running through his body as he shifts on top of Erik, settling into position before he starts to fuck himself on Erik's cock. It's somewhat slow to begin with as Charles rolls his hips languidly, but then he picks up speed and all Erik can do is watch in open wonder, fairly certain he has never seen a more stunning sight in his life.

For the entire time Erik watches Charles he senses him too- the warmth of Charles’ mentality there against Erik's own, rich and warm and intoxicating. Erik feels the pleasure radiating from Charles’ mind as they move together, as Charles leans forward and Erik immediately wraps his arms around Charles' body, holding him close. It's the most perfect thing Erik has ever felt and not for the first time Erik wonders why he has denied himself such a thing for so long, but deep down he knows the reason. Events in Erik's past have made it hard for him to trust anyone, particularly when he has spent so much time keeping people at a distance so such a thing is made a distinct impossibility, and consequently the idea of growing close enough to anyone to really feel anything for them was once completely out of the realms of possibility. But through the shroud of sullen indifference Erik unwillingly allowed Charles to slowly enter his life, like sunlight filtering in to illuminate a previously darkened room. It was so subtle at first that Erik never even noticed it- how much he needed Charles, how much he craved his presence- until now it is like Charles is so vital and so necessary that Erik cannot imagine life without him.

Erik's eyes remain fixed devotedly on Charles as the act continues, as Charles’ breathing grows laboured, as his skin becomes flushed and sweaty, as a litany of sinful, beautiful sounds leave his lips. As Charles nears climax the effects begin to register in Erik's mind, like waves of pleasure washing over him, seeping into his skin. The blissful feelings push Erik to a new realm of ecstasy as he watches Charles gasp and shudder and come, Charles' expression tensing in pleasure as he tries to bury his face in Erik's chest, prevented by Erik as he holds Charles' head in his hands- _needing_ to see him. It's profoundly intimate but it’s what Erik craves, because after spending so long hiding from Charles rather selfishly Erik feels like he needs every part of him now, like what he has will never be enough.

Erik doesn't climax but he finds that he doesn't care this time, because just being able to hold Charles and trail gentle fingertips in slow circles against his spine as he settles down is enough. Naturally Charles is as amorous as ever but Erik moves his hands away, holding Charles, breathing him in, finding contentment in their closeness. The intimacy marks a remarkable new chapter in their life together- one that Erik never thought he would arrive at but one that thrills him nonetheless. Because Erik knows there are hard times ahead with Shaw's trial fast approaching, but for the first time- with Charles at his side- Erik feels ready to face the oncoming storm.

 

The subject of such doesn't come up in the moments afterwards, or in the next few hours, or for most of the day in fact. By the time it is mentioned it is late in the evening and Erik finds that he has spent the entirety of his day in a small, cramped room- something he would normally find stifling but that he instead finds quite comforting, for perhaps one very obvious reason...

When Erik slips into his small, single bed that night Charles is there, signified by an onset of sleepy murmuring as Charles immediately rolls over and wriggles closer to Erik, wrapping his arms around Erik's body. Charles’ tiredness is certainly understandable given he has spent the better part of the day engaging in enthusiastic, athletic sex- the likes of which has at times put Erik to shame as he has felt like he can barely keep up, though he has certainly made a good effort. But regardless Erik is somewhat relieved to see that Charles has finally worn himself out, leaving Erik free to place a fond kiss to Charles’ forehead as he holds him and thinks about how nice it will be to sleep with Charles in his arms for the first time.

Of course it's not the only thing Erik is thinking about. Although Erik would like his thoughts to be focused solely on the gorgeous man currently lying naked in his arms, contemplation of upcoming events provides unwelcome distraction. It’s a subject that is always there, masked beneath hidden depths, and though it plagues Erik he does not talk about it often- save with Emma, and only when she pushes. But it soon becomes clear that Erik’s troubles have not been masked as well as he would like, because in the next moment Charles starts to move in Erik's arms, shifting higher up the mattress and wrapping his arms around Erik's body, before pulling Erik's head against his chest.

“We need to do something to quieten your brain...” Charles murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to Erik’s forehead.

Immediately Erik's body grows rigid, but as Charles draws his fingers slowly through Erik's hair some of the tension dissipates.

“Don't worry- I'm not reading your thoughts”, Charles continues softly. “I just know that it's really busy up there in your head right now- I can _feel_ it. You always have so much going on in your mind. I wish you would let me help you in some way”.

Already Charles has helped perhaps more than he knows, but regardless he must feel like he still has one more thing to offer- something Erik doesn't see coming in the least until Charles actually says it.

“Erik... I want to accompany you to the trial...”

Though they have never really discussed it, Erik has always known that Charles is aware of the court case coming up. It is something Erik has thought about daily since it was announced, like a constant undercurrent running through Erik's thoughts, and consequently Erik knows that- even if Charles hadn't seen or read about it somewhere in the news- he most likely would have picked up on it anyway. Erik just didn't realise it was something Charles had given that much thought to- particularly not in regards to attending.

“But... why?” Erik mumbles.

Charles continues to run his fingers through Erik's hair as he responds.

“Well... to support you, of course. To be there for you”.

“But, Charles- you know how courthouses treat mutants, particularly telepaths... You would have to take suppressants, and I can only imagine how difficult that would be for you. Emma described the experience to me and it sounds awful”.

“Yes, I know... But I want to do it for you, if you'd want me to be there?”

At one time such a thing would have seemed impossible- to willingly let Charles bear witness to what is likely to be one of the most difficult experiences of Erik’s later life. The idea of it is painful, unimaginable, and as Erik thinks about it immediately that same residual feeling of fear begins to rise up within his body, threatening to take over. But then as Erik lies there, soothed and comforted by Charles' presence, he begins to realise that hiding in shadow is only so rewarding when you risk ending up in the dark all alone.

“I'll think about it...” Erik says eventually, only able to concede so far- for now.

Evidently the answer is enough for Charles. He places one last fond kiss to Erik's forehead, the bridge of his nose, and finally his lips before settling down; there in Erik's life, at his side- supporting but not demanding or taking, just as Erik needs most.


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

At one time the very sight of Charles was enough to vex and enrage Erik. Erik would look at Charles' face in newspapers and magazines, on documentaries and talkshows, and every time he would feel the ire rising within himself, ready to spill over. The feeling of irritation extended to when they met in person, and all those days and nights they spent together, until gradually it tempered, became something like acceptance, affection, and then love.

Now, the sight of Charles prompts a warmth that only continues to increase over the next two weeks that Charles and Erik spend together, as they continue to see each other every day. A term break at the mutant school Charles runs means that, whilst the students are still all for the most part living at the mansion, there are no classes scheduled which means that Charles is afforded some leisure time, after leaving the running of the property in the capable hands of his trusted teaching staff. As far as everyone knows Charles has gone away on a long overdue vacation, when in reality he has all but moved in to Erik's apartment- an arrangement that suits Erik immensely.

With the prying eyes of the press never far from Erik's door they stay inside as much as possible, and it's like being at the cabin again to live in such close quarters with only each other for company. This time it is better though, because the affection Erik and Charles feel for each other is explicit, and Erik is so in love with Charles he feels like his heart is practically singing with the sentiment. Every aspect of Charles is something Erik reveres and adores, and he cannot remember a point in his life when he has ever been so happy.

The feeling is at its most evident when Erik awakens each morning to the sight of Charles lying beside himself in bed, either draped across Erik's chest or in Erik's arms or spooning Erik from behind. On one occasion Erik awakes to find Charles sprawled across the mattress on his stomach, his arms wrapped around a pillow and his face soft and relaxed, and he looks so beautiful that Erik can't help but lean closer to him- dipping his head to press a gentle kiss to Charles' freckled shoulder.

Immediately Charles starts to murmur, his brow drawing together in a slight frown.

“Erik, you may be charming as hell but that doesn't mean I won't kick your arse for waking me up...”

Erik smiles fondly, grinning down at Charles for a moment before moving closer and pressing a succession of kisses all along Charles' cheek and jawline.

“Right, that's it- you asked for this”, Charles mumbles, before starting to move- albeit very, very slowly... Charles’ eyes are still mostly closed as he crawls over to Erik and clambers on top of him, dropping all of his weight against Erik's body as he starts to tap his barely-clenched fists against Erik's chest in some apparent kind of attack. Erik tries not to laugh as he lies there and succumbs to the ‘assault’, particularly as it makes him think that it is rather what it would be like if he were attacked by a small baby bear cub.

“I'm a big bear...” Charles mutters, evidently catching Erik's thought. He slumps against Erik's torso and presses his face into Erik's neck, and in return Erik can't help but smile adoringly as he wraps his arms around Charles' waist and holds him close.

For some time Erik remains there with Charles in his arms, trailing his fingers up and down Charles’ spine slowly as outside the sun continues to rise, sending light spilling through a crack in the curtains to illuminate where they are lying in bed. Though Erik is prone to be an early riser he has found himself growing increasingly amenable to the idea of sleeping in recently, particularly when he can do so with a drowsy Charles in his arms. But though Erik would like nothing more than to remain in bed on this occasion, unfortunately he knows there are certain pressing matters he needs to attend to in a matter of hours.

For that reason Erik only allows Charles to snooze for a few minutes longer before he slides both hands into Charles’ hair, tugging lightly as he nudges his mouth against Charles forehead, kissing him softly before speaking to him.

“Charles? Come on, Liebling- we need to get up”.

“Bah... Too early...” Charles grumbles.

Erik sighs, tucking an errant lock of hair behind Charles’ ear.

“You can stay here if you want, but I have to go- you know that. Are you going to get off me so I can leave?”

It seems like Erik's words prompt some kind of resonance in Charles as instantly his movements start to become more animated- one of his hands beginning to draw slowly over Erik's chest until it comes to a rest with his palm pressed over Erik's heart.

“How are you feeling about today?” Charles asks, his voice still slightly mumbled even if he seems marginally more alert than before. “Worried? Nervous?”

Erik tenses, his jaw tightening almost in an involuntary expression of how much he feels himself withdrawing.

“What does it matter if I am? It's not like you can do anything about it...”

Instantly Charles lifts his head, and although he still looks decidedly sleepy he fixes Erik with a glare that says ‘you need to stop being a dick because I'm your boyfriend now and I won't stand for it'. The look prompts Erik to let out a low sigh, before cupping Charles' face with both hands and smiling at him apologetically.

“I'm sorry, Charles- I know you're only trying to help. In truth I'm trying not to really think too much about today, though it's unavoidable. I just want to get it over with, but who knows how long the whole ordeal will take”.

It's something Erik has been unable to put from his mind- the idea that the trial may go on for weeks rather than just days as scheduled. There's a lot to go through of course- numerous witnesses due to testify as part of proceedings, contributing to the overall picture the prosecution are trying to present of a cruel and inhumane man, who abused and tortured numerous young mutants for his own cause. It's who Shaw is, of course- the man who took Erik in when he became an orphan at twelve years old, who let Erik believe he was going somewhere safe where his powers would be nurtured and cherished. Instead Shaw only manipulated Erik, tortured him in a perverse attempt to enhance his mutant abilities, until eventually, not long after Erik’s fifteenth birthday, Erik led the charge to put an end to Shaw's terrible scheme. The revolt saved the mutants held captive at the ‘orphanage' but unfortunately did not result in Shaw's capture, not until over a decade later when he was finally apprehended.

“You've been waiting a long time...” Charles says quietly, prompting Erik to wonder if Charles is reading his thoughts. It's something Erik no longer balks at, particularly as recently Charles has lowered the barriers he places around his telepathy when he is in Erik's company, meaning there is always a link between them. Somehow it makes Erik feel comforted to know his mind is always available to Charles and that he can perceive Charles’ mentality in return, almost as if they are no longer solely their own person, but in and of themselves a part of each other.

“It'll be over soon...” Erik says, partially to reassure himself.

Thoughts of the trial prompt an ache to form between Erik's temple- a pained feeling caused by contemplation of the hardships that undoubtedly lie in ahead. Apparently in response to Erik's troubled psyche Charles lowers his head once more, places a soft kiss to Erik's temple before trailing his lips along the side of Erik's face, until eventually he pauses with his mouth next to Erik's ear and whispers: “Can I tell you a secret...?”

“Mm-hmm”, Erik replies with a nod, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Charles’ neck.

For a moment Charles is quiet, making Erik wonder if he has lost his train of thought, but then Charles' voice takes on a reverent tone as he murmurs: “I love you, Erik...”

Erik smiles warmly. “That’s not a secret, Charles...”

“Sure it is. I whisper it into your skin every night”.

Words are lost then, stolen from Erik's lips as if captivated completely, entranced as every part of Erik is by every sweet sentiment Charles shares from his heart. Never before has Erik felt so adored and so cared for, he has never experienced a devotion of such depths, and though Erik can remember his mother him once telling him that he was a good boy who deserved good things, Erik knows those same things have eluded him until now.

“ _Charles_...” Erik murmurs quietly, holding him, breathing him in.

Outside their safe haven Erik knows the world is waking, heralding the start of the day Erik has been eagerly anticipating and dreading in equal measure for the past several months. It is here now, and though Erik would rather like to remain in bed with Charles for the rest of the day, the week, his _life_ , he knows that there really is little point delaying the inevitable- not any longer.

 

Some time later a feeling of trepidation is still running through Erik as he sits at his kitchen counter, one hand wrapped around a cup of coffee as he scrolls though news articles on his phone- the most prevalent story that day of course being the impending trial. A text from Emma pops up on the screen but before Erik can reply to it he hears the sound of Charles entering the room, and as Erik turns to regard him he can't help the warm smile that immediately begins to spread across his face.

“Charles... You look so beautiful, Liebling”.

Rather than some manifestation of Charles’ usual confident grandiosity, instead a small shy smile lifts up the corners of Charles' mouth, charming Erik immensely. Erik gestures for Charles to come closer and Charles does so, allowing Erik to take Charles’ hand as he gazes up at him, admiring the smart grey suit Charles is wearing and how his blue tie brings out the colour of his eyes.

“So cute...” Erik murmurs, straightening Charles’ tie.

Charles smiles widely, placing both hands on Erik's shoulders as he leans down to kiss him. After a long, lingering embrace Charles pulls away, and though Erik is briefly distracted by the admittedly compelling sight of a half-formed erection distorting the clean lines of Charles’ trousers, he manages to refocus his attention on the plans for that day.

“I've called a taxi”, Erik says. “It'll be here soon to pick you up and take you to the courthouse”.

Charles' eyes widen. “Me? As in, just me?”

“Well, yes... I thought we discussed this? There's going to be members of the press swarming all over that courthouse, taking pictures and shoving videocameras in all of our faces. The last thing either of us needs is to have our relationship splashed across the front pages of tomorrow’s newspaper, right Charles?”

Erik realises then that it's perhaps something they _haven't_ discussed after all- not explicitly. Over the past couple of weeks there has been an understanding that this new development in their involvement with each other is not something either of them wishes to announce, meaning that- as of this point- the only person who knows that anything has changed is Emma. As a very private person Erik wishes to maintain that same level of secrecy going forward- particularly during the next several days, when the level of attention placed upon them is due to be magnified- but Erik realises then that perhaps Charles feels somewhat differently.

However, if that is indeed the case, Charles does not deign to mention it. After a moment Charles lets out a quiet sigh and nods his head, before flashing Erik a small smile that does not quite reach his eyes.

“Okay, Erik- whatever you need. I'll see you at the courthouse”.

Charles moves to step away but Erik seizes his hand, keeping Charles in place as Erik gets to his feet, before he leans close to capture Charles' mouth with a simple, sincere kiss. When Erik pulls away Charles seems marginally happier, but Erik still can't help feeling like he has disappointed Charles somehow, even without meaning to.

 

Of course, by the time Erik next sees Charles it is clear that Charles has once again been able to conjure up some of his trademark bravado. As Erik enters the courthouse, arm-in-arm with Emma who is dressed for the event in a smart white pantsuit, Charles is already there- standing in the foyer surrounded by a number of reporters who are all hanging on his every word. It seems Charles is taking the opportunity to speak to the press about mutant issues as always, the most formative of which is Charles’ insistence that the atrocities committed at the Shaw orphanage never be allowed to happen again, which is something Charles hopes to achieve by ensuring the rights of mutants are conserved and protected through new legislation he hopes to implement. Erik can't help but smile as he sees him, enamoured by the very sight of Charles as always and the conviction of his words, up until the point when the gang of reporters surrounding Charles notice Erik's entrance and suddenly made a beeline for him instead.

The last thing Erik wants to do is give any kind of address, so he knows he is fortunate to have Emma in attendance as she is only too happy to take the lead in fielding questions. Whilst Erik watches the scene with his arms folded across his chest Emma speaks about the trial that is due to unfold, making sure her answers are clear and concise- leaving little room for embellishment and cutting down any reporters who attempt to provoke a more heated reaction. It's already known that discussion of Shaw is a sensitive subject for Erik- he has lashed out in response to intrusive questions about his former tormentor more than once in the past- and clearly the assembled press know that as they continually try to address Erik even though he wants nothing to do with them. Fortunately though Emma maintains a level head as always, and as she commands attention towards herself Erik gazes across the room at Charles, feeling his heart flutter as the impression of Charles' mind gently nudges against Erik's own in a fond embrace.

 

“Vultures...” Emma mutters some time later as she stands with Erik outside the doors that lead to the main room, her gaze focused on the fanned fingers of her hand as she holds them up for inspection. Each manicured nail is flawless as ever but imperfection lies in the way Emma's hand shakes, and Erik knows only too clearly the reason for the tremor.

As part of the requirement for being allowed to attend court, there is a law that dictates that all mutants must agree to not use their powers for the duration of their visit. For the most part that law is never enforced, even if there are always guards armed with suppressant stationed at every door, but when it comes to telepaths it seems there is little extension of trust when it comes to their ability to withhold their powers. As such, all telepaths are required to consume a hefty dose of suppressant before they are allowed to enter court, and is not an obligation Erik wishes for Emma to have to fulfil.

“You know you don't have to do this...” Erik says quietly, his eyes focused on Emma as he watches her with concern. “Your testimony isn't until Thursday, and even then you could do it by video if you really wanted to. You don't have to put yourself through this- especially not for my sake”.

“Oh, calm yourself, sugar- it's not that big of a deal”, Emma says, idly swatting at Erik's arm with one hand. “The first day will be the worst, but by tomorrow the headaches should have lessened and then it's just the gnawing numbness that I’ll have to deal with. It's not the first time I've done this, after all- unlike you-know-who...”

At Emma's words they both turn to look across the hallway to where, at the other side of the room in front of the spectator's entrance, is Charles. Charles is standing with an official in a smart blue uniform, listening intently as they run through an explanation of how the drug works, though Charles is likely to already be more than attuned to its application. Still, Charles waits patiently until the moment he is handed the pills, and then- with only a minor amount of hesitation- Charles places the small white capsules in his mouth and swallows them down.

_“I love you...”_ Erik thinks, ensure if Charles even hears him or if the suppressant has already taken effect. Evidently Emma does though, as she fixes Erik with a sympathetic look whilst reaching over to gently squeeze his arm, before she too turns to take the dose of drugs from a waiting official, swallowing them readily.

“Alright then”, Emma says afterwards, smiling at Erik thinly. “Let's get this over with...”

 

The trial that day is... everything and nothing like Erik thought it would be.

Erik and Emma take their seats at the front of the packed courtroom, sitting just behind the row of lawyers who are tasked with ensuring that Shaw pay a hefty price for his crimes, and waiting apprehensively for the moment when the man himself finally enters the room. When it happens, rather suddenly Erik feels like he is little more than a teenager once more- a frightened young boy, helpless in the presence of someone so powerful. It takes a certain amount of steadying breaths and calming thoughts for Erik to convince himself that isn't the case, that Shaw is subdued with enough suppressant to render his mutant abilities as null and void. Moreover, Erik tries to make himself believe that he no longer has anything to fear, because he is older now, stronger, and he will never let what happened with Shaw come to pass ever again.

Emma reaches over to take Erik's hand, squeezes it gently, and as Erik looks across the room he finds Charles watching him too. Suddenly having Charles there doesn't seem like such a good idea after all, because although Charles’ presence is a comfort at the same time Erik hates it too- he hates the sympathy and concern he can see in Charles’ eyes, and the way it makes him feel so weak. It is something Erik has always tried to avoid- letting Charles be exposed to this very vulnerable part of himself- and now Erik has willingly let it happen. For that reason Erik has to fight hard to swallow down the nausea that rises up in his throat; a sickness that makes him turn away from Charles for the rest of the time in the courtroom, turning his failings into a fury that he directs at Shaw- where it belongs.

Erik's gaze remains focused on Shaw all throughout that first day, fixing him with a murderous look as he contemplates using his powers to turn any one of a hundred different metal implements into a weapon he could use against Shaw. It would be pointless though- Erik knows that; it would only take a matter of seconds for a guard to react and to shoot Erik with enough suppressant to stunt his abilities in an instant, most likely keeping Erik that way as he is hauled off to prison. It wouldn't be worth it- Erik is old enough and wise enough to know that now- because no amount of sinful vengeance would ever make up for what it would cost Erik in terms of losing his life, his freedom, and his Charles.

Still, it is incredibly difficult to sit there listening as opening statements are made, watching as Shaw sits beside his counsel and regards the scene- the look on his face one of complete disregard and contempt for everything that is being said. It is clear then that Shaw feels no remorse- he didn't during his arrest and initial interrogation- and it is made only more evident in the moment when Shaw is called upon to confirm his plea, and he responds with an arrogant: “Not guilty”. Erik never really thought that Shaw would change his mind and confess to his guilt, not after he has protested his ‘innocence' all along on account of the fact that he believes what he did was a necessary evil, but it is still sickening to hear him say it.

The words are still running through Erik's mind sometime later when the session lets out, and people filter out of the courtroom to linger in the foyer once more. Immediately the press beset Erik and Emma, asking for comment on what has happened so far, but Erik is far from interested in talking. With a bitter scowl on Erik's face he withdraws from the crowd, moving over to the side of the room where he can wait for Emma to join him.

Before that can happen though a hand seizes Erik’s arm and squeezes lightly, and Erik turns around to find Charles standing there. He looks awful- his eyes bloodshot and his skin paler than usual- and immediately Erik's heart aches at the sight of him, because it is clear that Charles is in some considerable discomfort.

“Hey...” Charles says quietly, his voice sounding strained. “Um, look- are we planning to get out of here soon? My head is pounding...”

It’s almost impossible to resist the urge to reach out for Charles then, for Erik to not immediately wrap his arms around Charles’ body and pull him closer. But as soon as Erik lifts his hand yet another reporter comes scurrying over, and Erik snatches his hand back just as quickly- fearful of being photographed with Charles during an intimate moment. The look of disappointment that manifests on Charles' face is immediately apparent, clear to Erik even as he errantly flicks his fingers causing the reporter's camera to unexpectedly malfunction, and though Erik feels like he should explain himself to Charles he knows it is neither the time or the place.

“I'm going to head back to your apartment...” Charles says, before pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger in an apparent attempt to dispel his headache.

“You're sure? We were going to head back to Emma's place for dinner- I wanted you to have some time to get to know her properly”.

Charles smiles. “That sounds lovely, but another time? You go though- have fun with Emma”.

Though the idea of being without Charles is incredibly unappealing Erik recognises that it's in Charles’ best interests to rest, and knows that the only reason Emma isn't taking similar action is because she went through the experience of being dosed with suppressants numerous times during the preliminary hearings so she is better placed to cope. And so, Erik quietly nods his consent, and tries not to look too consumed with longing as he watches Charles leave.

 

Dinner at Emma's house is an understated affair, composed mainly of quiet reflection rather than the kind of bawdy conversation Erik has become accustomed to in Emma's presence. Though Emma tries to pretend valiantly that she is fine- and medicates herself with several large glasses of prosecco to aide her recovery- it is clear that she's not feeling completely herself. For that reason Erik only stays for a short while, before he bids her goodnight and sets off towards home, and Charles.

Erik finds him in the bedroom. As soon as Erik arrives back at his apartment he moves quickly through the rooms searching for Charles, before ultimately locating him sound asleep in bed- sprawled across the mattress on his stomach with the covers pulled up to the backs of his thighs. The pristine grey suit Charles was wearing earlier has been discarded, meaning Charles is lying there wearing just an undershirt and his boxer shorts, and though it is only early in the evening the urge to immediately crawl into bed with Charles is suddenly overwhelming.

Charles murmurs quietly as Erik climbs onto the bed, Erik's own outer clothing discarded meaning he too is just wearing his boxer shorts and a thin t-shirt. Erik crawls onto the bed on top of Charles, planting his knees on the mattress either side of Charles’ thighs, leaning close as he nudges his nose against the back of Charles' neck before kissing him there softly, reverently. The mumbling sounds leaving Charles' lips only intensify at that, his drowsiness evident in the way his brow creases, along with the blurry tone of his voice as he speaks.

“Before you go trying to take advantage of me you should know that my boyfriend's six foot tall and he's a powerful mutant and he'll break your fingers just for touching me...”

In response Erik smiles widely, before pressing his mouth to the sensitive spot just behind Charles' ear.

“Is that so?” Erik whispers. “Maybe you should tell me more about this amazing boyfriend of yours, hmm? Just so I know who I'm messing with”.

Erik's lips trail slowly down Charles’ neck, marking out affectations of affection that are mirrored in Erik’s hands as they slide up under Charles' shirt, caressing his sensitive sides as Charles squirms delightfully in response.

“Mmm... Well he's gorgeous, naturally”, Charles starts. “Almost unfairly handsome, in fact. He's sweet and kind, even though he tries to pretend that he's a complete grumpy guts. He cares for me and I love that, just like I love how protective he is of me. Plus he's dynamite in the sack and his dick is so big I need two hands to hold it...”

The ripple of laughter that runs through Erik's body at that is almost impossible to suppress, meaning he ends up chuckling softly into the curve of Charles’ neck as he slumps into his body, overcome with amusement and sentiment. After a moment though Erik manages to compose himself enough to roll to the side, lying down next to Charles and sliding his hand into Charles’ hair.

“How are you feeling?” Erik asks softly. “Is your head any better?”

Erik is at least reassured to realise that Charles’ appearance has improved- he no longer looks pained and pale, more just sleepy and worn out. That much is clear when Charles gives Erik a warm but wobbly smile, wriggling closer so that he can nudge his face against Erik’s shoulder.

“The headache is mostly gone, it's just a dull kind of throbbing now. That’s not the problem though- it’s the absence...”

“Absence?” Erik asks, frowning slightly.

Charles nods. “My telepathy... It hasn't come back yet. I've had flickers here and there- little increases in my perception allowing me to pick up on neighbouring minds in adjacent properties- but nothing solid”.

“Like now...” Charles continues, reaching over to gently caress Erik's face. “You're right here, within touching distance, but I can't feel you. It's awful... I really miss your mind”.

Erik's heart aches to look at Charles then, and to see just how _sad_ Charles is at not having access to telepathy. It only makes Erik feel worse about the ordeal Charles is putting himself through, particularly when it’s arguably unnecessary.

“I don't want you to come tomorrow”, Erik says resolutely as he gazes into Charles’ beautiful blue eyes.

Charles' mouth gapes. “Huh? Why not?”

“It's not fair on you, Liebling- you shouldn’t have to go through this for my sake”.

“Oh, but I'm fine, Erik. I know I was just moaning about not having my telepathy but I'm okay- the drugs will wear off soon and I'll be able to feel other minds again, and then everything will be fine--”

“Until tomorrow morning, when you have to go through the same experience all over again... I mean it, Charles- I'm just trying to protect you”.

“And what do you think I'm trying to do for you, Erik? I can only imagine how difficult this business with Shaw is for you to go through, and I just want to help you in any way I can. If me being there every day makes you feel better, provides you comfort, then I am more than happy to do my part”. Charles moves closer, climbing on top of Erik and using one hand to brush Erik's hair back from his forehead, before adding softly: “You're _everything_ to me, Erik. Let me be there for you, darling”.

How can Erik refuse a request like that- a heartfelt offer from someone so pure and kind and good. Erik can't help but gaze up at Charles adoringly in that moment, feeling overwhelmed by all the love and support Charles offers, and how he is always so enduringly selfless- whether Erik thinks he is worthy of the things Charles gives or not.

But just before Erik is able to reply some of the conviction on Charles' face fades, becomes a look of uncertainty that soon has him chewing on his lower lip nervously, his gaze lowering.

“Unless... you don't want me to come...” Charles says quietly. “Unless you're worried about being seen with me by the press. Unless you’re ashamed of me...”

Erik can't object quickly enough.

“Liebling, no- _no_. I could _never_ be ashamed of you. How could you think that?”

Charles shrugs, still not meeting Erik's eyes.

“I don't know... You just seemed so determined to make sure no one saw us together. I was starting to feel rather like a dirty little secret”.

“Well you are pretty dirty... And little too...” Erik replies, feeling reassured when a small smile spreads over Charles’ face and he looks up to meet Erik's eyes at last.

“Not funny...” Charles pouts, pushing against Erik's chest with both hands.

For some time Erik stares up at Charles, trailing his fingertips in slow circles against Charles’ bare thighs, watching as the look of fond amusement on Charles’ face begins to fade into uncertainty once more. Erik still has his reservations about Charles attending the trial, for a number if reasons not least of which is the mental toll they will continue to take on Charles, but when Charles seems so sure Erik knows he cannot really refuse him.

“Okay- come to the trial with me. Just promise me, Charles- if it gets too much, if it hurts you to have to stunt your telepathy like that, stop attending. Okay, Liebling?”

Charles nods, smiling in a manner that suggests he is feeling relieved.

“Alright, darling- whatever you say”.

Charles shifts to lie flush against Erik's body, his head resting against Erik's chest as Erik wraps his arms around Charles’ waist to hold him. For a moment they remain there, Erik gently tracing his fingertips against the base of Charles' spine as they breathe together, but as they linger Erik thinks of what Charles said earlier- how he was worried that Erik might be ashamed of him. It's the furthest thing from the truth and Erik _needs_ Charles to believe that, and so he lets out a quiet sigh and closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself for a topic of conversation he never imagined he'd bring up with anyone.

“My parents would have loved you...” Erik says quietly.

Within Erik's grasp Charles moves as if he is intending to sit upright, but Erik keeps his arms wrapped firmly around Charles’ waist, holding him in place.

“Please don't look at me, don't say anything. You don't need to respond I just wanted you to know, Charles- how special you are to me, how special I think you are to the world. My parents were good people and I see so many of their best qualities in you. I know they’d be proud of me for being with you, and for having someone so wonderful in my life”.

Charles heeds Erik's request and doesn't attempt to sit up again, instead he presses his face into Erik's neck and grips Erik's arms tight, sniffling quietly and prompting Erik to wonder if he can in fact feel dampness from Charles’ face against his skin or if he is imagining things. It's perhaps understandable for Charles to be so moved by Erik's words. In all the time they have known each other Erik has never discussed his family with Charles before, even if he is sure that Charles has already heard all the facts- how Erik's parents were killed in a car crash when Erik was twelve years old, how Erik tried to save them- thus prompting the advent of his mutant powers- but even after Erik managed to move the truck that had their car pinned up against a concrete barrier, it was already too late. Erik doesn't talk about his parents with anyone, not even Emma, so the disclosure represents a moment of very real significance.

Perhaps though that is something Charles understands, for more reasons than one. All of a sudden Charles lets out a shocked kind of gasp, his fingers gripping Erik's arms more tightly as he sobs quietly in a manner that Erik knows he is not imagining this time. Though Charles still does not attempt to look at Erik, as was requested, he starts to shift slightly higher up on the bed, nudging his face against Erik's forehead as he places a heartfelt kiss to Erik's temple and exclaims: “Oh, _there_ you are...”

The feeling of Charles’ mind unfolding against Erik’s own in that moment is so beautiful that it renders Erik speechless, unable to do little more than cling on to Charles ardently, absorbing the warmth and comfort attained from joining with him telepathically once more. The connection enables Erik to perceive the full scope of Charles’ emotions- the joy and relief and astonishment- and there amidst it all is something else that helps Erik to understand Charles’ emotional reaction to his words. Beneath the surface of Charles’ thoughts is a darkness, a residual feeling of worthlessness that Erik now understand comes from Charles' own mother and stepfather- two people who evidently never made Charles feel needed or wanted or valued. Charles is not pushing the feeling at Erik it is just there, but as Erik presses his face into Charles’ hair and begins to quietly list all of the things he loves about Charles- all of the things Erik is sure his mother and father would have loved too- he feels that same darkness within Charles dissipate, until it cannot be felt any longer.

 

For the rest of the night Charles and Erik barely move. As the fading light of day gives way to shadows that rise up to consume the bedroom they remain there, entwined in each other's arms. Quiet words from Erik fade to silence and then there is just unspoken sentiment instead- thoughts and feelings shared between Charles and Erik from their respective connected minds. Though Erik does not speak about his parents again he shares with Charles some fond memories, most of which feature Erik's beloved mother, who was very much the focal point of Erik’s life during his formative years. In turn Charles offers to Erik recollection of his own childhood, but aside from glimpses of Raven and occasionally Charles’ father before he died, those memories are cold and static, and only make Erik hold Charles closer.

When Charles falls asleep that night it is within Erik's arms, and Erik knows that is where he feels Charles should be always- as if the space closest to his heart is made for Charles alone. It is only the first day of Shaw's trial and already it has been an emotional minefield, and not just for the reasons Erik thought it might. The things Erik has shared with Charles have brought them even closer together, and whilst it's gratifying it's troubling too, for reasons that have no real merit but that plague Erik nonetheless.

Now that Erik has opened up to Charles entirely he knows that the connection they share is the most profound thing he has ever felt in his entire life. The only problem is, it wouldn’t be the first time that someone Erik loves and needs so desperately has been taken away from him, and it pains Erik to consider that might happen with Charles. There is no reason to suspect as much, or to even fear that such a thing might come to pass, but nevertheless as Erik lies in bed that night he holds Charles within his arms just a little bit tighter than necessary, unable to shake the worrying feeling that something unpleasant is just on the horizon, waiting to tear them apart once more.


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

The subsequent days of the trial are difficult, arduous, but ultimately something that Erik gets through, because he has a very special person in his life who comforts him and keeps him focused.

Every day in the courtroom Charles is there, watching Erik from a distance, exchanging little glances with Erik that communicate his love and support. That same level of affection is mirrored in the evenings, when Charles will lie with Erik on the sofa or in the bed in Erik's apartment, and Erik will hold Charles and soothe him as the drugs in Charles' system wear off. As soon as Charles’ telepathy reactivates he always wastes no time in connecting with Erik, in brushing against Erik's mind in soft greeting, and in telling Erik how proud he is of him for enduring the hardships of that day. It means so much to Erik to know that Charles is there for him, particularly when every day seems to come with some new and unexpected horror...

It's not just seeing Shaw every day that's difficult, even if the very sight of him is enough to prompt a sickening feeling in Erik’s gut. It's reliving everything that happened in the orphanage- not just thoughts and memories conjured up in Erik's mind, but recollection provided by the many witnesses who take the stand and speak indiscriminately about all the things that occurred there. It's painful to listen to them all but so necessary, because every disclosure is just another nail in Shaw's coffin- or so Erik hopes. Therefore, though it pains him, Erik sits there and listens to them all, reaches over to take Emma's hand as she trembles beside him, and counts down the seconds until he can be with Charles once again.

When it is Emma's turn to testify it's harder still. Erik sits alone and watches her, admires the strength and composure of Emma's words as she sits there, answering questions skilfully as she is always able to do. It's upsetting for her- that much is clear even if Emma tries to put on a brave front- and more than anything Erik wishes he could stand beside her as he did when they were children. But there is little more Erik can do but sit there supportively, and try not to internally panic about how it will be Erik's turn to do the same thing before long.

Even before the day comes it looms ominously in Erik's thoughts, because in all the time since Erik escaped Shaw's thrall he has never talked about his experiences- not once. He has listened to Emma speak of it, offered support and counsel to her on numerous occasions, but Erik has never uttered the words aloud himself. Just knowing he will soon have to do so, that he will need to stand in front of a packed courtroom and the assembled press and speak of it again is incredibly troubling. It is necessary though, as every part of the trial is, and so when the moment comes Erik does not allow himself to hesitate.

And then, Erik is there- living his own nightmare. All across the room eyes are focused on Erik and one pair is sharper than most- the cold, cruel, callous blue eyes of Shaw, who stares at Erik with no perceivable shame or regret evident in his expression. Worse still, there is a kind of sick pride there, and it reminds Erik of how Shaw always used to talk to him- how he would tell Erik that he was his favourite, that Erik's abilities were extraordinary, and that whatever sickening thing he chose to do to Erik was necessary if it made his powers stronger. As Erik stares back at him he hears those words again, feels them crawl around his throat and choke him, making him close his eyes to shut out everything that somehow still has the power to hurt him. For one weak moment Erik thinks about what it would be like to just leave, to run away from his past and the painful memories that come with it, but when Erik opens his eyes his gaze refocuses on someone else, and his strength returns.

Every day Charles has been there in the courtroom, and Erik has never needed him more than he does now. So much of Erik feels like he is falling apart but within Charles’ unwavering gaze he is held together, protected by Charles’ presence and how Erik knows it is only a few hours until he can be in Charles' arms once more. With that in mind Erik swallows down his fears and his reservations, fights to quell the trembling of his fingers, and opens his mouth as he starts to speak.

For the next half hour or more Erik keeps his voice measured and level as he recounts details of his time in the orphanage, reliving every cruel and debase thing that was done to him by Shaw in an effort to unlock the full potential of his mutant powers. After a short time it becomes easier- Erik finds he is able to just reel off the details without thinking too much about it, and it becomes like reading items from a list rather than recalling the remnants of some painful past. Erik is subjected to cross-examination and comments designed to provoke and enrage him but he remains calm and level, until- finally- it is over.

 

Some time later contemplation is rife as Erik lies in bed, waiting for Charles whilst meanwhile flicking through news articles on his phone- apparently unable to stop obsessing about the events of the day and the public’s perception of them. Erik can't help but feel like everything has changed now- like his earlier disclosure has left him exposed and vulnerable; his soul laid bare for everyone to see and pick apart, like vultures taking down a wounded animal. It would be easy for Erik to fixate on the subject all night, to play the events of the day through his head over and over again and to drive himself mad with it, but then Charles enters the bedroom and welcome distraction is provided.

“Charles...” Erik murmurs quietly. “You look...”

Erik's words trail off as a wide grin splits his expression, turning into fond laughter as Charles steps further into the room. Charles climbs onto the bed and straddles Erik's waist, smiling down at Erik whilst meanwhile Erik can only gaze up at him adoringly.

For all the time in which Erik has known Charles he has become accustomed to the unique eccentricities of Charles' wardrobe- of Charles’ tendency to sport unstylish jackets and old-fashioned cardigans, all of which make him look rather like he is a young man somehow experiencing a midlife crisis. However, Erik can't help but feel incredibly privileged that he alone is privy to one particular whimsicality of Charles’ dress sense- not outdated formalwear, but pyjama shorts adorned with a variety of ridiculous patterns that Charles wears occasionally. On this occasion the shorts in question feature a number of cartoon vegetables holding hands, emblazoned with the amusing slogan: ‘ _Give peas a chance_ '.

Erik draws his hands slowly up Charles' thighs, rubbing his thumbs against Charles' sensitive skin whilst playing with the hem of his shorts.

“Do you like them?” Charles asks, smiling down at Erik.

“ _Wunderschön_ , Liebling... But where on earth do you keep finding these stunning items of clothing?”

“Raven buys them for me for Christmas. She thinks she's being funny but secretly I love them. I mean, how could I not? See how good I look...”

At that Charles places both hands on his waist and juts his hips forward, posing in a manner that Charles must realise is entirely ridiculous as he can only maintain the stance for a few seconds before he starts laughing.

When Charles manages to compose himself he finishes by saying: “Well, it was either this or the shorts Raven bought me that have hundreds of tiny planets dotted all over then. Which are appropriate, you know- seeing as my arse is out of this world”.

“That it is...” Erik replies, seizing two handfuls just to make sure.

Charles leans in to kiss Erik, the embrace slow and intimate, but after a few moments Charles’ withdraws, remaining close as he gently caresses Erik's face with both hands and whispers: “I'm so proud of you, Erik...”

Erik shrugs, as if attempting to shirk off Charles’ words, but Charles presses his forehead against Erik's own and repeats again: “I'm _so_ proud of you...”

Erik’s hands are shaking where they're resting against Charles’ thighs, tremors of emotion running through Erik's body as Charles begins to place soft kisses to Erik's neck and torso and murmurs intermittently: “You're so strong... You're so brave... I'm sorry for what you went through Erik but I love you... Let me do this for you, Erik... Let me make you feel good...”

The rest of the night passes in a similar vein, and Erik’s mind is a blur of bliss and contentment as the drugs in Charles' system wear off and his telepathy returns, enabling him to carefully wrap his mind around Erik's own- making Erik feel safe and secure. It has always felt incredible to be able to connect with Charles by way of his telepathy and this occasion is no different, because the very presence of Charles is comforting, reminding Erik that every pained experience of his past has been worth it, just to be with Charles now.

Charles takes off his clothes and he is beautiful- skin pale and freckled and flushed pink in all of his most sensitive areas. Charles sucks on Erik's cock and he is incredible- mouth warm and wet as he takes Erik in deep, swallowing around the length. Charles fucks Erik and he is perfect- careful and considerate, thrusting into Erik deeply, his arms wrapped around Erik's waist from behind as if he cannot ever be close enough to him.

Erik clutches the pillow and presses his face into it as Charles fucks him, toes curling in response to every one of Charles’ deep thrusts. The pleasure running through Erik's body is intensifying, his balls drawing tighter into his body as his cock starts to throb, but before the pressure gets too much Erik reaches back to grasp Charles’ hip, choking out: “ _Stop_ ”.

Instantly Charles stills, worry and confusion coming off of him in waves as he slides one hand into Erik's hair, before asking him: “Darling, are you okay?”

“I'm fine, I'm fine... I just... I want to see you when I come. Let me turn over?”

Charles smiles in relief. “Of course, Erik”, he replies, as if it was never a question- in spite of the fact that, since Erik confessed his true feelings for Charles, he has only let Charles fuck him a handful of times, and always from behind. This time though Erik _needs_ to see Charles, needs to connect with him entirely, and so as soon as Charles has pulled out Erik rolls onto his back, trying not to let the inherent vulnerability of the position make him falter as Charles moves closer and lines up his cock once more.

Fear fades however as the act continues, as Charles leans close and kisses Erik slowly as he fucks him, as Charles whispers to Erik that he loves him- a declaration that seems to come so easily these days. And in the moment when Erik comes he gazes helplessly into Charles’ eyes, feeling so lost in him and at the same time found, as if there is nothing Erik needs but this.

 

With the worst of the trial over, at least for Erik, he allows himself to believe that the remaining days will past without incident. For the most part such a theory is correct- in the daytime the routine is the same, and the nights are spent a variety of ways. Sometimes Erik, Emma, and Charles spend the evening together- going to a local bar or to Erik's or Emma's respective houses, often accompanied by other members of the Brotherhood should they be available. Other times Erik and Charles instead prefer to spend time alone, and so head back to Erik's place for some privacy. During every encounter though, private and less so, Erik never ventures into Charles’ home.

The avoidance is purposeful if not deliberate. To Erik, visiting the substantial mansion in which Charles resides risks a number of factors- not least of which is the potential exposure of their relationship. For weeks Erik has battled against the journalists and reporters who dog his every move, hoping to maintain some level of privacy by not allowing them to gain awareness of his involvement with Charles, but the goal has not always been successful. Indeed, even before Charles and Erik were romantically involved there have been trashy gossip pieces talking about them, and according to Emma there are even blogs dedicated to the premise that Charles and Erik are simply made for each other. It pains Erik, because although he loves Charles he hates the idea of other people interfering in their relationship, and perhaps passing judgement on them. Worst of all, Erik cannot stand the thought that the general public might criticise their involvement in any way, particularly if they were to point out something Erik already knows only too well- that deep down he is not really good enough for Charles.

Erik never tells Charles this, of course. Instead, any time the topic comes up and Charles meekly asks when they are going to stop hiding, Erik simply says that it will happen ‘soon', knowing all too well that soon is an abstract concept. Most occasions Charles just accepts the very vague answer, particularly as Erik often attempts to distract Charles afterwards with sex or affection, but occasionally Erik will see the disappointment manifest on Charles’ face, and he will wonder just how long he can have his way for.

 

On the day Erik's luck runs out it takes some time to come to pass, given an event of significant magnitude soon takes centre stage instead.

To begin with everything is as it always is- Erik wakes up with Charles at his side, they have breakfast together in Erik's apartment, they head to court for the day- Charles arriving separately of course, as per Erik's continuing instruction. The first half of the session is mainly uneventful, mostly composed of the cross-examination of some witnesses who come to speak as to the nature of Shaw's character, which they attempt to paint favourably. When the courtroom breaks for lunch Erik has a distinctly bitter taste in his mouth as he steps outside with Emma, perturbed by listening to people feebly try to justify Shaw's motives and behaviour, so he is more than amenable to Emma's suggestion that they head around the corner to a nearby bar for a quick drink. However, as soon as Erik begins to step over towards the exit an unsettling feeling settles over him- one that is worryingly familiar.

Several weeks ago, that same feeling crept over Erik's senses as he stood at the front of a crowded room giving an address, on the morning a human with a gun attempted to assassinate him. Humanity has always held little threat for Erik but there are other things at stake, and as a shrill alarm seems to sound within Erik's mind he turns towards Charles, eyes landing on where Charles is standing on the other side of room- Erik's view of him partially obscured by the formidable stranger standing there also. The man steps closer to Charles and Erik registers the weapon before he sees it, lifts his hand and hones his mutant abilities in on the long blade, just before several things happen all at one. The stranger lifts his arm, someone in the foyer screams, and Erik just has enough time to see the look of sheer panic in Charles’ eyes before the blade swings down.

It's illegal for Erik to use his powers within the courthouse but he doesn't care, doesn't even question his actions as he seizes hold of the dagger and wrenches the assailant's arm with it, spinning them round and shoving them up against a large marble pillar. The man's mouth hangs open as he is slammed into column, gaping uselessly for a moment before a look of determination passes over the stranger's face and he begins to close his jaw. But before the cowardly human can attempt an easy way out Erik uses his powers to shove the dagger forcefully in-between the assailant's teeth, preventing him from biting down on the cyanide capsule Erik already knows is in his mouth- the same kind that prevented Erik from attaining justice when he himself was attacked some weeks earlier.

It’s incredibly satisfying to be able to watch the gutless attacker struggle and writhe as he remains pinned there, muffled yelps leaving his mouth. Erik’s eyes remain focused on him even as the guards stationed around the courthouse start to react, yelling and waving guns full of suppressant around and even pointing them at Erik, much to Erik's extreme annoyance... Erik turns to them as he keeps his hand outstretched, raising his voice as he tells them firmly to put their guns down, that he is not the threat they need to be worried about, but thick human ears seem to show no signs of listening. Of course it doesn't help that in the next second something else happens which makes everything that much worse.

“Charles...”

The word leaves Erik’s lips involuntarily, helplessly, as instantly Erik turns back towards where the assailant is still pinned and tries to search the many faces in the crowd nearby for the only one he cares about. Charles is nowhere to be seen and immediately Erik begins to panic, surging forward as startled onlookers jump out of the way, frightened further by the armed guards who are now all shouting at Erik at the top of their lungs, telling him to get to his knees. Erik doesn't listen- he _can't_ \- he needs to find Charles, and he doesn't care who gets in his way. But as it is Erik only manages a few steps before there is the noise of a gunshot and an explosion of pain, and Erik's legs crumple beneath him as everything goes black.

 

When Erik awakens the first thing he feels is pain. Not the kind of sharp, splintering agony that would lead Erik to believe he has been shot with a bullet- something Erik has unfortunately experienced before- but a dull kind of ache that fills the space between Erik's temples. Erik groans as the throbbing in his head intensifies, screwing up his face and wishing he could just return to his sleeping state where nothing hurts, but then Erik remembers Charles and his eyes snap open.

Immediately Erik is blinded, his eyelids fighting to close once more in response to the bright fluorescent lights that span the full width of the ceiling. Erik groans and brings one hand to shield his eyes, grimacing as he sits upright on the padded bench he is apparently lying on, and when his vision comes into focus at last the pain is only matched by an equal feeling of confusion.

The bench Erik is sitting on is apparently a cot, within a jail cell- one that Erik has no recollection of being brought to. As Erik looks around the space his lack of comprehension only intensifies, until the point when Erik looks over towards the bars spanning one wall and he forgets how to breathe.

“Charles...?”

Immediately Erik stands up and starts to stumble over to him, moving slowly and clumsily given his head still feels incredibly fuzzy. It's difficult but Erik makes it, but his movements are ungainly and consequently he all but slams into the metal bars, having to grab onto them for support afterwards.

“Hey, easy- be careful, Erik. You've already got a big bump on your head from when you fell over earlier, you don't want any more injuries”.

“Didn't fall...” Erik mutters, gazing helplessly at Charles who looks safe and well on the other side of the bars.

The expression on Charles' face grows sympathetic. “No, I suppose you didn’t... How are you feeling? You've been out for hours, you know...”

“Doesn't matter”, Erik says, shaking his head, which turns out to be a monumentally bad idea given it only makes the pain worse. “How are you? Are you okay, Charles?”

Clumsily Erik reaches one hand through the cell bars, seizing hold of Charles’ hand and squeezing firmly, unbelievably relieved just to be able to touch Charles and to know he is alright.

“I'm fine, darling...” Charles says quietly. “I have you to thank for that, of course. You saved me”.

“I should have been quicker. You could have... could have... That man he...”

“Erik, I'm _okay_. And you don't need to worry about that awful man- he's locked up right now. Well, first he had to make a quick stop at the hospital, to have that dagger removed from his mouth. I'm told they had to surgically break his jaw to do it. It'll take months to heal”.

“Good”, Erik grunts, knowing there is no price that is too high to pay for trying to kill Charles.

Erik's vision is still dazed and unfocused but he keeps looking at Charles, focusing on his gorgeous blue eyes and soft pink lips and the way he looks so tired and worried. It pains Erik to think of anyone hurting him, and that’s not the only thing that's disturbing about the situation.

“I can't feel it...” Erik says, drawing the palm of one hand slowly across one of the metal bars.

“No, you won’t for some time yet... As well as tranquiliser, the dart that the guards shot you with contained a hefty dose of suppressant. It'll be another few hours before your powers return”.

“Does that mean I'm stuck here in the meantime then?” Erik asks glumly.

Charles smiles, squeezing Erik's hand. “No. They're not charging you with anything. It became clear very quickly that you'd done nothing wrong, but of course by that point you were already unconscious so the police brought you here so we'd both be safe whilst they conducted their investigations. Of course, thanks to you we now know why someone was so determined to attack us both...”

Erik raises his eyebrows at Charles in a clear question and Charles continues.

“They call themselves 'Humanity First'. They’re a human supremacist group who have taken a bit of a dislike towards you and I, thanks to our prominence and notoriety when it comes to campaigning for mutant rights. Apparently our convictions mean we need to be stopped, hence the rather unsuccessful attempts on our lives...”

“Are these people fucking stupid?” Erik snarls, his headache ridding him of what little tact he possesses. “They came after us with guns and needles and now knives. Don't they know who I am? What I can do?”

Charles smiles wryly. “Whilst I don't think anyone is going to be giving this group any medals for ingenuity, they nearly had me today. Even the bodyguard assigned to watch over me wasn't able to react quickly enough, save for being able to pull me to the floor after you’d already stopped the blade. I owe you my life, Erik. Thank you...”

“ _Bitte schön_...” Erik murmurs, hating how frightened Charles looks even now the danger is arguably over.

For a while Erik can only stare at Charles, rubbing his thumb over the pulse point on Charles’ wrist to reassure himself of the beating of Charles’ heart, wanting desperately to take Charles home and keep him safe always. Clearly Charles is of a similar mind, as after a moment he flashes Erik a small smile before taking a step away.

“I'm going to go tell the guards that you’re awake, so they can let you out”.

Charles starts to turn but after a second he pauses, his eyelids lowering so the line of his lashes is dark against his cheek as he continues: “Having said that, I rather like this whole dangerous prison inmate vibe you’ve got going on... Remind me to look into some costumes for roleplay later”.

Erik can't help but smile at Charles, in spite of the dull throbbing in his head, and as Charles gives Erik a cheeky wink and starts to leave all Erik can think of is how desperate he is to kiss him again.

 

Sometime later, after discussion with and apology from numerous officials, Erik is more than eager to return home. Emma seems equally annoyed by the whole situation, particularly as by all accounts she has spent the last few hours sitting on a very uncomfortable plastic chair and sipping at an interminably bad cup of coffee, so overall there is a general feeling of impatience that reigns as Erik waits to be granted his freedom. When the moment comes Charles moves closer to Erik and grasps his arm as they head towards the exit, but as soon as they round the last corner of the corridor Erik sees the throngs of reporters waiting outside, and instantly he freezes.

“Wait, wait- maybe you should go on ahead, Charles”, Erik says, shrugging out of Charles’ hold.

Charles turns to look up at Erik, and the expression on his face is unmistakably sad.

“You want me to go out there alone...?” Charles asks. He looks so small and so fragile, which is perhaps understandable given the traumatic event Charles has just been through, and though Erik knows he should probably forgo his stupid rule for once he can’t seem to give in. Instead Erik nods mutely, and tells himself that he will just have to apologise to Charles when they are alone together later.

“Okay...” Charles says quietly, lowering his gaze. “I guess I'll go home”.

Without looking up at Erik again Charles turns away, stuffing both hands in the pockets of his trousers as he starts to walk over towards the front doors of the police station, this time not even bothering to put on his usual confident facade as the doors open and the assembled press all start to clamour for his attention. Next to where Erik is standing Emma tuts loudly, before muttering: “Erik, you really are an idiot...” and then immediately following after Charles.

Meanwhile Erik is trying to figure out what the fuck has just happened. It's understood that Erik and Charles always minimise their chances of being seen in public together- even Emma knows that- so why is it suddenly such a big deal now? Erik cannot fathom what the answer might be, and so he gives Charles and Emma a few minutes to get further ahead before following after them, already looking forward to seeing Charles at home.

 

Of course, by the time Erik returns to his apartment it doesn't take him long to realise that he may not get the time with Charles that he seeks after all. As Erik enters he finds the place to be dark and uninhabited, prompting Erik to immediately reach for his phone and text Charles, eager to find out if Charles has somehow got stuck in traffic or perhaps if he and Emma have gone for a drink somewhere and Erik has missed the text inviting him. However, when Erik messages Charles to enquire the reply he receives only elicits further confusion, because in response to Erik asking Charles where he is Erik receives only a one word answer: _‘Home'_.

Back at the police station Charles had said he was going home, but naturally Erik assumed that ‘home' meant Erik's apartment- the place Charles has been staying for the past few weeks. Clearly though that is not what Charles meant on this occasion, though Erik cannot quite understand why. Erik sends Charles further messages to ask and even calls him, but all attempts at contact are met by stony silence, and in the end Erik can only come to one conclusion- if he wants to find out what’s wrong with Charles he will have to seek him out by going to his actual home for the first time ever.

 

On the journey over to the mansion Erik calls Emma using his car's handsfree system, and the resulting conversation only makes Erik feel even more uneasy about the situation he is currently in. Emma refuses to say too much- she insists that it's not her place and that Erik will need to speak to Charles himself- but it's clear from the tone of Emma's voice that she disapproves of the way Erik dismissed Charles earlier, and perhaps the way Erik has been attempting to hide his relationship with Charles all along. It's unsurprising to Erik that Emma would be so protective of Charles- over the past several days Emma has socialised with Charles on numerous occasions and they seem to have bonded incredibly easily- but although Erik is happy that Emma is so supportive of Charles, he can't help but feel somewhat unnerved to not have his best friend on his side for once.

Still, that same unnerving feeling is enough to prompt reflection, to make Erik think back over the events of the past several weeks and consider whether he has acted appropriately. All Erik ever wanted was for he and Charles to have some kind of private life, away from the circus that is the media, but arguably Erik has taken things too far and has hurt Charles by keeping him at a distance.

Contemplation of such is rife as Erik pulls up at the driveway of the mansion, as he uses his powers to open the gate, allowing him to enter. It's a short drive up to the main entrance and after Erik has done so he wastes no time in parking his car and getting out, inhaling a deep breath as he walks up the front steps towards the main door. The last thing Erik wants is for anyone to see him and to ask questions, and so he subtly unlocks the door with his powers, before slipping inside.

Instantly there is noise from within. Activity. Chaos. Nearby Erik can hear children shouting and laughing and the sound only makes him shirk, thinking of the orphanage and the initial days when everything seemed so hopeful, before the true horror of Erik's new reality unfolded. Reflexively Erik's jaw begins to tighten as he backs into the nearest wall, his fists clenching at his side as he fights not to flee from the unfamiliar environment. But then, like the answer to a question Erik never asked, there is Charles’ voice resounding in Erik’s head, saying softly: _“I'm here”._

Erik follows the voice all the way upstairs, ensuring he keeps out of sight along the way lest he expose his presence to one of the numerous students and teachers dotted around the place. Eventually Erik comes to a stop outside an ornate oak door, knows already what is on the other side, and consequently takes in a very deep breath before he enters.

As soon as Erik steps into the room his eyes immediately fall on Charles, taking in the sight of him sat in the middle of a large double bed, books and papers spread around him on the mattress. Charles has changed out of his earlier smart outfit and is now wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of pyjama bottoms emblazoned with some ridiculous pattern, and he looks so good- so soft and so homely- that instantly Erik wants to step over to the bed and pull him close. However, the look on Charles’ face tells Erik very clearly that such an advance would not be welcome on his occasion.

“You're mad at me”, Erik says as the door clicks shut behind him. It's more observation than question but Charles answers anyway.

“Actually I'm rather mad at myself right now...”

“For what?”

“For believing that you could change. Or that you would want to”.

Erik's heart constricts painfully in his chest as he takes in Charles’ distant and almost cold demeanour- so detached and withdrawn when he is normally so kind and loving. It tells Erik that something is very seriously wrong, and though he has some inkling as to the nature of the problem he still doesn’t know for sure what it is.

“Charles, I don't understand...” Erik says quietly.

In response Charles sighs softly, his gaze dropping to regard his hands clenching in his lap, as if he cannot bear to look at Erik any longer.

“You were always very clear, right from the beginning...” Charles starts. “You told me you wanted to keep things between us a secret and I should have just accepted that, I should have decided there and then if that’s what I really wanted. But I suppose by that point it was already too late for me- I was in too deep; drowning in your love with no hope of reaching the surface. And so, I said nothing, and told myself that you just needed time- that it would only be a matter of weeks until you were ready to stop hiding. It hasn't happened though, and now I'm beginning to feel like it never will”.

“Are you talking about me wanting to be discreet in regards to our relationship?”

“Yes, but privacy and secrecy are two different things, Erik”, Charles says, looking at him purposefully. “Sometimes it's like you’re ashamed of me or something...”

Erik opens his mouth to respond but before he can do so there is a sudden increased sound of activity from outside- shouting and laughter as some children apparently run past in the hallway. Erik can't help but whirl to look at the door when it happens, concerned that he and Charles might about to be rudely interrupted, but fortunately the door remains closed and Erik is instantly relieved.

“Can we go somewhere else so we can talk?” Erik asks. “It's not exactly very private here...”

In that moment Charles suddenly seems even sadder than previously, because although his upset isn't overt it is still evident in Charles' little, subtle movements; in the way his lower lip trembles slightly and the way his fingertips play continuously with the hem of his t-shirt.

“But this is my life, Erik...” Charles says quietly, looking down. “This school is part of who I am, and I suppose that's the problem because you seem to have no interest in knowing that side of me. When we're in your apartment and we're alone together it's perfect but it never lasts for long, and you can't ask me to live some kind of shady double-life where I'm both with you and I'm not. I just want to be yours all the time...”

“You are, Liebling”, Erik says, stepping closer to the bed. “Just like I'm yours”.

Charles looks up at Erik, but the smile on his face is sad and devoid of any of its usual warmth.

“Actions speak louder than words, Erik... I’m not asking for some grand gesture- I never was- all I need is a sign; something to tell me that there’s some kind of future for us, one that doesn't involve you pulling away from me any time you fear someone seeing us together. I thought there was something _I_ could do at first, and I've been trying, _really_ trying to be what you need, but I just don't think I can do it anymore...”

“What are you saying, Charles?” Erik says softly, feeling like the world underneath him is falling away; all that he knows and understands crumbling beneath his feet.

Everything seems lost in the moment Charles drops his gaze once more, the avoidance of his eyes suggesting so much that isn't said. It's resignation and it's worse than any of the times when Charles and Erik would argue heatedly, when they would trade bitter blows as they fought and then fucked. The fire is gone and in it's place is a coldness that chills Erik, and that makes him want to pull Charles closer to share in his warmth, even though they have never seemed so far apart.

When Charles finally speaks the hopelessness in his voice is painfully apparent.

“I love you very much, Erik... I'm just not sure that's enough anymore. It shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t hurt this much... So I think we both need some time apart, so we can think about what each of us really wants”.

At one point Erik used to go weeks if not months without seeing Charles, and though during those occasions Erik always thought of him, the separation was bearable. This time, however, the situation is markedly different, and there is nothing more upsetting to Erik than the idea of being apart from the only person he loves in the entire world.

“I don't want to lose you...” Erik whispers, feeling like his heart is breaking; errant organ tremoring within his chest as if it is about to give out.

In return there is a sad kind of hiccup from Charles, as if he is fighting to choke down his emotions, and he remains avoidant as he continues to stare down at his lap.

“I just think it's for the best...” Charles replies quietly.

With the conversation seemingly concluded to Charles' satisfaction there is nothing else said, and Charles starts to busy himself with his paperwork once more- picking up a notebook which he lays open in his lap as he starts to write. It is painfully obviously though how Charles’ hand shakes, how his lower lip begins to tremble as if he is fighting to contain some kind of outburst, and so much of Erik wants to say something else to him- to see if anything can be done to resolve the untenable situation between them. But equally Erik recognises that maybe it is only fair to listen to what Charles is saying, and to give him the space that he is asking for if that’s really what he needs.

After taking one last moment to look at Charles, drinking in the sight of him as if it is the last time he will do so- which it may be for all Erik knows- Erik turns around and starts to walk away. Part of Erik hopes to hear Charles call out, to hear him ask Erik to stay, but Charles remains quiet and the silence is very telling. And so there is really little Erik can do but leave, all the while coveting the last lingering sense he has of Charles- the familiar rhythm of Charles' heartbeat Erik can feel against Charles’ metal watch, until eventually Erik is so far away he cannot feel it anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

Being without Charles is like living in a world cast in shadow; a world devoid of light, colour, and warmth. It is mirrored in the weather on the first morning Erik wakes up alone in his apartment, when he turns to the side in bed and finds no comforting sight before him, no Charles- soft and warm, tucked up against Erik's side and sleeping soundly. As Erik lies there he listens to the sound of rain hammering down outside, thrumming against the windowpane and reminding Erik of Charles, and how he would never let Erik sleep if it was raining as he would always crawl out of bed to watch the storm. His absence on this occasion only makes Erik recall everything that happened the previous night, the way events culminated in a manner which ultimately resulted in their separation, and though Erik wishes it could all just be some horrible dream he knows it is not.

The day provides little opportunity for Erik to remain in bed to linger and mope. As always the trial takes centre stage in Erik's plans, and though the idea of attending without Charles by his side for the first time ever is immediately troubling, Erik knows that he cannot afford not to attend. With little over a week until the end of proceedings Erik knows it is imperative to see things through until the end, and to be there for the moment when justice is finally served. Plus there is a part of Erik that hopes the trial might ultimately turn out to be helpfully distracting, because there is certainly a chance that the stress and the drama of the courtcase might enable Erik to forget about Charles- even if only for a little while.

That is the intention, but when Erik walks into the courthouse that day, with Emma by his side as always, his heart almost gives out at what he sees. There, standing in his usual place as if nothing untoward has happened, is Charles. He looks unfairly gorgeous- sweet and handsome, dressed in a smart blue suit, on the front of which is pinned the metal X badge Erik made him for his birthday. As soon as Erik enters Charles looks up and their eyes lock, but within a fraction of a second Charles turns away again, the expression on his face pained and pensive, and it is clear that his presence is not quite the salvation Erik seeks.

Though Erik cannot fully determine Charles’ reasons for being there, if he had to guess he would say it is simply for support and nothing else- and it could easily be for Emma's benefit rather than Erik's. Charles still seems as hurt and as defeated as he did the previous night suggesting he hasn't changed his mind in any way, and therefore Erik can only conclude that Charles has shown up merely out of some feeling of loyalty. It’s not quite all Erik wants, not even close, but deep down Erik knows that he derives strength from Charles being there, that he always has, and therefore he is willing to just accept the situation at face value and try not to read too much into it.

 

That same line of thinking continues for the rest of the day, as Erik sits there in the courtroom, stealing occasional glances at Charles whenever he is afforded the opportunity to do so. Charles rarely looks back- his focus remains on the events of the trial throughout- but every so often Erik will catch Charles' eye and a look will pass between them before one or both of them looks away.

During the recess for lunch and at the end of the day Erik thinks he will be provided with the opportunity to finally speak to Charles, but he is wrong on both occasions. At lunchtime Charles is kept busy by talking to reporters, and after the day's events are over he is gone so quickly Erik barely has time to register his leaving. Erik tries to tell himself that it is perhaps down to the drugs Charles has taken, bringing on headaches and prompting him to head home to rest as he has done on many occasions before, but deep down he knows that it is entirely more likely that Charles has chosen to leave early purely because he does not want to speak to Erik. It compounds Erik's belief that he and Charles are really, truly over but the contrast of Charles' presence is confusing too, and that same confusion continues to reign during the remaining days of the trial.

Every day Charles continues to show up, continues to sit there in the courtroom as proceedings go ahead. Erik is never afforded the opportunity to speak to him, other than a polite word here and there, but Emma on the other hand speaks to Charles on numerous occasions and Erik is insanely curious in regards to what they're talking about. To Erik’s immense frustration Emma never tells though, instead always insisting that she needs to maintain some kind of loyalty to Charles by not breaking his confidence, and although Erik is frustrated by not knowing what's going on at the same time he is happy to know that the two people he cares about most in the world have clearly formed a fond friendship.

After several more days of debate and deliberation the moment Erik has been waiting for finally arrives. The day starts out like any other, but eventually Erik is there- sitting in the courtroom as the verdict is read out, staring hard at Shaw's face and waiting to see the reaction written upon it as the deciding words are read out. When verdict is said it resounds so clearly in Erik's head, audible even over the gasps and murmurs that immediately rise up like a tidal wave, shock and awe spreading throughout the room as Erik eventually closes his eyes and absorbs the solemn word.

_Guilty_.

Erik opens his eyes again and focuses on Shaw, drinks in just how immensely angry he seems- not remorseful or culpable or even upset, just vehemently _angry_ , as if the world has just done him a great disservice. It's not explicit- Shaw does not curse or lash out or anything of the kind- but everything is written in those icy blue eyes of his, which have never seemed more cold and cutting. Shaw stands there and stares into the middle distance as the judge begins to talk about when sentencing will take place, but already everyone present knows what the verdict means- an interminable sentence locked away in one of the country's few mutant prisons, where inmates are contained in secure facilities with their powers continually culled by the suppressant they are involuntarily dosed with. It's the least of what Shaw deserves, even if it conflicts with Erik's belief that no mutant should have their powers restrained, and though Erik wishes he could have doled justice out to Shaw in his own way he knows that ultimately this is the best result.

 

When Erik steps into the foyer afterwards he is immediately beset by reporters, all of them clamouring for Erik's attention as they ask him for his opinion on the verdict. Normally Erik despairs of having to talk to the press, always wary of them twisting his words and manipulating the situation for their own gain, but on this occasion he consents to speak to them about what has just happened and how he feels about it. For the most part the questions they ask are easy for Erik to answer, especially as he has Emma by his side as always to assist, but then comes a query Erik didn't see coming in the least and that leaves him at a loss in regards to what to say.

“So what do you plan to do now that the trial is over?” the reporter asks.

Erik pauses, unable to formulate much of a response because there is only one answer that resounds within his head and heart, only one thing he wants to do- one person he wants to spend time with. Across the room Charles is standing there, watching Erik curiously rather than leaving on this occasion, and his presence is what prompts Erik to speak honestly, answering the question with more openness than he has ever shown towards the press in the past.

“Well, it's been a very long and stressful process...” Erik starts. “In all honesty what I really want now is just to spend some time with my boyfriend who I love more than anything- perhaps take him on a long overdue holiday, if he’s willing to come with me”.

Immediately in response to Erik's words there are a flurry of questions as those assembled all clamour to garner more information, but Erik cuts through them in an instant- telling them he has nothing else to add. In that moment Erik can't bring himself to look over at Charles, not wanting to see what kind of impact his words have made just in case he has now upset Charles in any way. Instead Erik turns to look at Emma, sees the small smile on her face that communicates so much without words, and inwardly breathes a sigh of relief as Emma then steps forward and takes control of the situation, bringing the discussion to a close.

Normally Erik and Emma would spend the evening together, but after the events of the day Erik is keen to just return home to his apartment to reflect, and so he bids Emma a fond farewell and heads to the underground car park beneath the courthouse to collect his vehicle. To Erik's immense relief it is quiet as he heads there- most attendees of the courtcase still caught up in the aftereffects of the trial- and therefore there is no one to disturb Erik as he locates his car and gets inside. For a little while Erik just sits there, checks his phone for messages he received earlier in the day, replies to a few before putting his phone away, and as he uses his powers to turn the ignition of the car he hears the passenger door open, and his concentration fades causing the car engine to stutter and die.

Charles slips into the car, taking a seat beside Erik and closing the door behind himself, but saying nothing which leaves Erik simply staring over at him in complete surprise and confusion. Part of Erik wants to speak up and ask Charles what he's doing but equally he doesn't want to do anything to make Charles leave, so in the end Erik remains mute, feeling his heart tremoring within his chest just at being in close proximity to Charles after their recent separation, and wanting him so badly it hurts. Charles sits there equally quietly, staring down at where his hands are clenched in his lap rather than meeting Erik’s eyes, and when he finally speaks the feeling of relief that runs through Erik is instantaneous.

“I assume you were talking about me...” Charles says softly. “Unless you have another boyfriend I don’t know about”.

Erik offers Charles a gentle smile. “No. There's no one else. Only you”.

It's perhaps obvious but Erik is happy to say it anyway, to confirm to Charles just how much he continues to be the only one for Erik- the only person Erik wants and needs. Naturally Erik is hoping that his words might prompt some kind of reaction in Charles, perhaps for Charles to smile back and turn to face Erik or even to immediately crawl into Erik’s lap, so that Erik can wrap his arms around Charles and hold him close and smell his hair- particularly as it's cold in the car and all Erik wants is the warmth of Charles’ body. But Charles remains where he is, sitting there in the passenger seat staring down at his hands twisting in his lap, his voice still soft and wary as he speaks to Erik.

“Why did you do that?” Charles asks. “Why did you tell the reporters that you have a boyfriend?”

“Well... because it was an honest answer to the question. Did you wish I hadn't said anything?”

“No, I'm not saying that. I'm just... surprised. Though I notice you didn't mention my name...”

“Because that’s your choice, Charles. How I feel hasn't changed- I still want to maintain my privacy, but I'm proud of you and I'm proud of us, and I want people to know that I have someone in my life who makes me happy. If you want to reveal that person is you then it's on your terms, Liebling”.

Charles finally turns to look at Erik then, enabling Erik to see the light in his expression, and it’s warming just to be looked upon by Charles like that for the first time in so long. Erik wants so badly to lean over and kiss him but he recognises that it would probably be too bold of a move, and so instead he settles for something simpler. And so, Erik reaches across the car and gently grasps the metal badge affixed to the front of Charles' jacket- the same badge Charles has worn to the trial every day since they ‘broke up'- and rubs his thumb slowly along both lines of the X, feeling the smooth metal beneath his fingertips.

“I'm so happy to see you wearing this”, Erik says softly.

In response Charles finally smiles, reaching up to tentatively trail his fingers against Erik's hand as Erik weakens to the touch.

“It's a beautiful gift, Erik. I wanted to wear it to show my support to you”.

“Is that why you've come to the courthouse every day? To support me?”

“Well yes, of course. I've never stopped caring about you, Erik- I just wanted us both to take some time to think about what we both want”.

“And have you decided?”

Charles lets out a soft sigh, before reaching up to gently grasp Erik's hand and pulling it into his lap, entwining their fingers gently as Erik leans closer. It's reassuring to have that kind of contact with Charles again and Erik can't help but melt into him- lulled by his touch, the scent of him, everything.

“This is not just about me, Erik...” Charles murmurs, his eyes lowered so that the line of his lashes is dark against his freckled cheek, his fingers still gently trailing against Erik's hand. “I wanted you to think too”.

“And I did, Charles. Does what happened earlier not make that clear? I want you, Liebling. I want to be with you...”

Erik moves closer, sliding his other hand into Charles’ hair, stroking through gently as Charles looks up to meet Erik's eyes. He looks beautiful- sweet and oddly vulnerable- and Erik can't help leaning in as he attempts to kiss him. But before Erik gets the opportunity to do so there is the sound of a car starting up nearby, and Erik is reminded that they are not alone.

“Listen, can we go somewhere we can talk?” Erik asks, pulling away.

For a long moment Charles looks at Erik, the expression on his face pensive as if he is considering something, but eventually he nods his agreement.

“Okay. I'll come with you to your apartment”.

It's what Erik would normally want, particularly as he hasn’t been properly alone with Charles in over a week and he misses him terribly- craves the intimacy and closeness of being together and feeling like it is just the two of them alone in the universe. But in that moment Erik recognises how important it is to show Charles just how much he has changed- not just in words but in actions too.

“No- let's go back to your place”, Erik suggests.

The surprise on Charles’ face is instantly apparent.

“You want to come back to the mansion with me?” Charles asks.

“Yes, Charles. If you'll have me?”

The expression on Charles’ face is clearly disbelieving, and Erik cannot blame him for being so unsure after the way Erik has acted in the past- all the times he has kept Charles in shadow, not wanting to step with him into the light. Further explanation is needed and Erik knows that, he only hopes he is granted the opportunity to make amends, and when Charles eventually nods his consent Erik can't help but exhale a low sigh of relief, feeling like he has been granted a rare second chance and he needs to make the most of it.

 

On the drive to the mansion Charles is quiet, but even just being with him in contemplative silence is comfortable enough. Charles sits there in the passenger seat, his knees drawn up to his chest, and every time Erik glances over he finds Charles is watching him, a small smile on his face. Although it is clear that not everything between them has been entirely resolved it is so reassuring to be in Charles' company once more, and Erik especially cannot wait for the moment when he and Charles are granted some much needed privacy.

Of course, it doesn't quite work out that way... As soon as Erik enters the mansion with Charles the sounds of activity are immediately apparent, and Erik is unsurprised when a mutant who is presumably one of the teachers comes over straight away to speak to Charles. It's not ideal but it's exactly what Erik expected, given a school is always bound to be a hive of activity, but Erik is prepared to be patient if it means he is afforded the opportunity to speak to Charles eventually. And so, when Charles turns to Erik and apologises and asks if Erik wouldn't mind meeting him upstairs Erik is only too happy to agree, particularly as Charles reaches to give Erik's arm a gentle squeeze as he says he will be along shortly.

 

Some time later Erik is letting himself into Charles’ room, stepping into the space and looking around at the signs of Charles everywhere- evident in books and clothing and other items scattered around the area. It's remedying to be somewhere that is so reminiscent of Charles, that makes Erik feel so comforted and so safe, and the only thing that could make it better is if Charles were there too- which he should be, before long. But it seems like it won't be any time soon as for a while Erik is completely alone, listening to the sounds of activity coming from nearby. For some time Erik stands by one of the windows, looking out over the garden where there are a group of students assembled all taking part in some kind of activity, but eventually Erik decides he is in for a long wait, and after a moment steps over to the large four poster bed in the centre of the room and drops down onto it.

Charles' bed is incredibly soft and Erik can't help but press his face into the pillows, inhaling the scent of Charles and thinking of his own bed back home, and how it no longer holds that same scent. It's intoxicating just to lie there, remembering all the times he has lain with Charles before- something Erik wants so desperately now, if only Charles would just come upstairs already. Erik tells himself he will just remain there for a few minutes and then he will get up and take a seat at the armchair in front of the fireplace to wait for Charles, but after not sleeping well recently due to missing Charles it isn't long before fatigue takes over, and the next thing Erik knows his eyes are sliding shut.

When Erik awakens it is to the feeling of gentle pressure being placed on his lower back and fingers sliding into his hair, making Erik murmur happily to be the recipient of such a familiar touch- one that fills him with nostalgic sweetness, and that gives him hope for the future.

“Charles...” Erik whispers, smiling happily. “I really hope that's you and not one of the housekeepers...”

Charles chuckles softly. “I don't think you'd be anyone's type, but by all means if you’d like I can put in a good word for you with the sixty-year-old woman who does my laundry...”

“No, no- don't do that... I think I can make do with you”, Erik replies, reaching one hand back to grasp Charles’ thigh, squeezing firmly.

Erik hopes that Charles might lean closer at that so they can embrace properly but Charles remains where he is, and so eventually Erik rolls over, pleased when Charles moves with him so that Charles ends up straddling Erik’s waist, his hands resting against Erik's chest. It's so wonderful to be with Charles again, to gaze up at his beautiful face and to feel his body so close, and for the first time Erik feels like he can allow himself to believe that he and Charles might finally be getting back on track.

“I've missed you...” Erik says quietly.

Charles smiles back at Erik. “I've missed you too... It's been horrible not being with you this past week. I've had to make my own cups of tea in the mornings and everything”.

“Well that sounds truly horrifying...” Erik grins, sliding the palms of his hands slowly up Charles’ thighs, brushing his fingertips against the soft material of Charles' trousers. However some of the levity slips from Erik's expression as he adds: “Are we okay now, Charles? I meant what I said- I want to be with you, whatever it takes. If you want to do some kind of announcement to the press to declare that we're together then I'm okay with that”.

Charles shakes his head. “Erik, don't be silly... I never wanted that- all I wanted was for you not to push me away when I needed you. To not have to feel like I couldn’t be affectionate towards you in public. I _love_ you... I don't want to feel like I need to hide that”.

“You don't... I'm sorry, Charles. I love you too, Liebling...”

In that moment Charles smiles and it's like Erik can see the tension leaving his body, evident in the way he shifts his weight and leans over Erik, the expression on his face serene and joyful. Charles slides his hands into Erik's hair as he lies down so his torso is flat against Erik's chest, and as he brings his face closer Charles whispers: “No more hiding, okay?”

Erik nods. “Okay. No more hiding”.

After being apart from each other for what feels like an age the tension is almost unbearable as Charles lingers there, gazing down at Erik as he runs his fingers slowly through Erik's hair. Charles' eyelids are slightly lowered and his lips are parted and it's like he is practically _begging_ to be kissed, and naturally Erik is only too happy to oblige given all he has thought about over the past week is Charles. And so Erik lifts his head up, seeks out the sweetness of Charles’ mouth, brings their lips together gently, and wraps his arms around Charles' body entirely to keep him close, where he belongs.

 

That night is the first time Erik goes to sleep in Charles’ bed, though it takes them some time to get there... At first it is the responsibilities of the school that delay their unity, because no sooner have Charles and Erik begun to embrace when Charles suddenly pulls away, and though Erik initially experiences a spark of panic as he worries Charles might have somehow had a change of heart, it soon transpires that it's something else on Charles' mind- quite literally. It turns out Charles' sudden preoccupation is down to his telepathy allowing him to pick up on the activities of his students nearby, and though Charles makes somewhat of a valiant effort to refocus his attention on Erik- something Erik assists by uses his powers to unzip Charles’ trousers so he can slide his hand inside- it soon becomes clear that Charles is unlikely to be able to entirely switch off.

Strangely though Erik doesn't mind, as he not only gives Charles his blessing to leave he actually agrees when Charles suggests Erik comes with him. As a result Erik later ends up standing outside in the grounds of the mansion, initially watching from a distance as Charles coaches a number of his students, all of which have energy-based powers of varying strengths which they are using to attempt to hit targets. Erik surveys the scene with his arms folded across his chest, pride warming his heart as he regards just how amazing Charles is with his students- so patient and so supportive. It makes Erik feel so proud to know that Charles is _his_ , and he knows he will happily spend the rest of his days labouring to ensure Charles knows just how special he is.

After some time Erik finds himself engaging with the group, offering up support to some of the mutants who seem to be struggling- little more than an encouraging word at first before eventually he begins to take a more active role. Erik has always enjoyed supporting his fellow mutants, particularly those who are much younger and in need of guidance, and as such it isn't long before Erik is completely absorbed in the situation- using his powers to move and control the metal targets as the students watch excitedly and try to hit them. At one point Erik turns and finds Charles watching him- the look of admiration on Charles’ face mirroring Erik's own earlier- and as their eyes meet a feeling of warmth gently courses over Erik’s senses and he recognises that Charles’ telepathy has returned.

The feeling of warmth only continues as the evening progresses, as Charles and Erik enjoy an intimate dinner served in a small private room washed down with numerous glasses of wine. Afterwards Erik and Charles walk side-by-side to Charles' room, and it’s impossible for Erik to keep a smile off his face as Charles leans heavily on him as they walk, Charles’ hands roaming and starting to slide under the bottom of Erik’s shirt. A raised eyebrow from a passing student is enough to prompt Charles into composing himself for some time, but as soon as they are inside Charles' room once more all attempts at composure go completely out of the window as Charles shoves Erik forcefully up against the nearest wall.

“Clothes off”, Charles demands, grasping hold of Erik's shirt and yanking it swiftly to untuck it from Erik's trousers.

Charles looks positively sinful- his lips moist with saliva and flushed a deep red, his eyes dark with lust, his trousers already tented at the crotch betraying Charles’ rapidly-forming erection. All Erik can think of is how much he wants to take Charles to bed, to lay him down and savour every inch of his body, but Charles is pulling at Erik’s clothing frantically and it's clear that he is feeling anything but patient, and Erik knows he will need to find a way to calm things down if he is to have things to his liking.

“Wait, wait...” Erik says, seizing hold of Charles' wrists as Charles actively whines in response. “Can we slow the pace a little? I've missed you so much, Liebling- I don't want to rush this”.

Charles starts to pout as he gazes up at Erik, and he looks so unbelievably adorable that Erik has a hard time not grinning immediately at the mere sight of him- something that apparently only spurs Charles on more as he hastily makes a grab at Erik’s crotch.

“Professor...” Erik murmurs, prompting a certain shiver to run through Charles’ body that Erik can feel given how closely they are standing together. “You don't want to set a bad example for your students by misbehaving, do you...?”

“No...” Charles mumbles, his eyes dropping down to regard Erik's lips.

“You want to be good for me, don't you? And I know you can be _so_ good...”

“Yes...” Charles whispers, tilting his head upwards in clear invitation.

“My perfect, beautiful Charles...”

“Yes... All yours, Erik...”

The words are all Erik needs to hear, and in the next second he is kissing Charles- pulling Charles' body against his own as they embrace, wrapping his arms around tightly.

They start off there- standing together by the door- and they end up in front of the lit fireplace; Charles sprawled naked across the floor with Erik in-between his legs, Erik's hold on Charles' body pinning him down. It's cold in the room due to both the season and the lack of modern amenities in the mansion, and there's a clear contrast between the cold air against Erik's back and the warmth of Charles’ form beneath Erik's own as they lie together. With every roll of Erik's hips Charles moans heatedly, his hands clenching in the soft rug beneath his body as Erik fucks him, his eyes fixed devotedly on Erik, and it's everything Erik has been missing over the past several days- everything he needs to sustain him.

For almost an hour they have been together- kissing, touching, embracing slowly and sensually, as if they are relearning each other's bodies after their time apart. More than once Charles has groaned and grasped at his own cock, face tensing as it always does when he is close to climax, but on each occasion Erik has only moved Charles’ hands away, needing to prolong the encounter. Consequently by the time Erik finally allows Charles to come Charles is visibly _shaking_ \- his skin flushed and damp with sweat, his breaths coming out short and fast. It only takes a few rough strokes of Erik's hand for Charles’ cock to start pulsing, and as Charles writhes in response to Erik's touch Erik watches him, completely lost in the resplendent sight.

After Charles and Erik have both settled down they remain there for some time- Charles relaxed and serene with his eyes closed and the same satisfied smile on his face as always, Erik mindful and attentive as he snuggles up beside Charles and gently brushes his hair back from his forehead. Already Erik can see that Charles is starting to drift off, evident in the way his mouth is softening and his limbs are growing increasingly limp, and therefore it comes as little surprise to Erik when he briefly leaves to retrieve a washcloth and returns to find Charles lightly dozing, looking beautiful and unselfconscious as he lies there. As Erik watches he can't help reaching out one hand and levitating his phone into his grasp, taking a photograph of Charles that he knows will be an image to cherish- one that marks another step forward in their continued life together; a journey that Erik hopes will continue indefinitely.

When Erik lies down beside Charles once more and begins to clean Charles off he is immediately beset by an onset of sleepy muttering, accompanied by fumbling hands as Charles starts to wind his arms around Erik's waist.

“Huh...? What are you doing...?” Charles mumbles, the expression on his face adorably befuddled.

Erik smiles widely, reaching for a warm blanket and pulling it over Charles’ naked body.

“I'm taking care of what's mine...”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that...” Charles murmurs, his lips drawing up in a brief smile. The pleased expression only lasts for a moment before Charles’ face softens again, and then his head is dropping to rest against Erik's chest as he slips into a sound sleep.

For some time Erik remains where he is, holding Charles, listening to the soft rush of his breathing just audible over the crackling of the lit fire. When the flames begin to fade Erik gathers the blankets tight around Charles' body, holds on securely as he lifts Charles up and carries him over to the bed, lays Charles down and slips in beside him, smiling contentedly as- even in his unconscious state- Charles quickly winds his limbs around Erik like an overly amorous octopus. That night Erik goes to sleep with Charles in his arms, knows it is exactly where he wants to be, and though there will undoubtedly be some trials and tribulations to face in their future, Erik realises at last that he will face every single one of them- for _his_ Charles.

 

****

 

Over the course of his adult lifetime Erik has become accustomed to seeing articles about himself in the media- images and videos accompanied by sensationalised headlines and voiceovers, all of which adhere to the agenda of whatever that particular news outlet is hoping to achieve at the time. For some time Erik attempted to control the output- a decision that at one point almost cost him his relationship with Charles- but after so much opposition Erik knows he has reached a point of acceptance. Well, more or less...

“Dreamboat?” Erik scowls, staring at the newspaper laid open in his lap. “What- are we back in the fucking 1950s or something?”

From nearby there is a certain snort of laughter, and then Charles saunters into the room wearing shorts and an open shirt, two cold bottles of beer clutched in his hands.

“What would you prefer they called you?” Charles asks with an amused grin. “Dishy? Handsome? Pant-wettingly gorgeous? Quite frankly I don't think any of those adjectives do you justice at all, but at the same time I'd be more than a little concerned if the press started to wax lyrical about your lovely big hands and your incredibly skilled tongue and your beautifully large cock- they really shouldn’t be getting that specific, don't you agree?”

Erik glares at Charles as he approaches, though there is little malice in the expression.

“Charles... A magazine once wrote a two-page spread dedicated entirely to your ass”.

“Ah yes, and what a glorious _spread_ it was indeed... Of course what surprised me was just how many pictures they were able to obtain of my arse in all manners of clothing. Really- you have to admire their dedication to thorough journalism”.

When Charles reaches where Erik is sitting he wastes no time in plonking himself unceremoniously into Erik’s lap, prompting Erik to hastily fold up the newspaper and move it out of the way. Once Charles is settled he hands one of the beers he is holding to Erik, before winding his arm around Erik's back as they both turn their attention what Erik has just been looking at.

There, on the front page of the newspaper, is the very article Erik initially spent so long trying to prevent from being written. Beneath a flashy headline is large photograph showing Charles and Erik kissing passionately on the deck of a small boat, accompanied by a number of smaller images that confirm the identity of the two lovers so no questions can be raised- though as their involvement has been rumoured for the past several weeks it is unlikely anyone would doubt it anyway. Ever since Erik announced to the world’s assembled press that he had a boyfriend, speculation has been rife as to the identity of who that person might be- and Charles’ name has come up more than once. Though Erik and Charles have made no concerted effort to hide they have continued to be discreet, and as such no one has been able to explicitly confirm their involvement- not until now.

As Charles continues to gaze down at the article he lets out a low sigh of contentment, his ease mirrored by the way his fingers slowly play with the hair at the nape of Erik's neck.

“We look... happy”, Charles says eventually.

Erik places one hand on Charles' thigh, squeezing lightly. “We _are_ happy”, he confirms.

In response Charles turns his head and presses a soft kiss to Erik's cheek, before pulling away and smiling at Erik affectionately.

“No regrets?” Charles asks.

It's a question to consider- particularly given how strongly Erik initially campaigned for his and Charles’ relationship to be kept a secret- but as Erik looks into Charles’ stunning blue eyes, as he thinks back over the past few days of their vacation in Cuba, as he remembers how blissfully happy he has felt every day just _being_ with Charles, he knows clearly the answer that resounds within his heart.

“No”, Erik replies softly. “Not a single one”.

The look of pure bliss on Charles’ face then is so beautiful Erik can't help but smile warmly at him, overjoyed to realise just how far he and Charles have come on their journey together. It hasn't always been easy and at times it seemed like they would never make it, but now- as Erik sits there with Charles in his lap, listening to the gentle sound of waves lapping against the shore just outside their beach hut- he knows that every single moment has been worth it, to have this now.

Charles takes the bottle from Erik's hand and places both their beers on the nearby table, before leaning close to claim a kiss from Erik's only too willing mouth. As they embrace Charles’ hands trail down Erik's chest, fingers slowly unbuttoning Erik's shirt, and just as Erik is thinking about carrying Charles over to the nearby bed so he can peel Charles’ clothing off and kiss every part of him Charles pulls away, and Erik decides he can't resist teasing him just a little bit first...

“You know, I suppose you're feeling pretty smug right now- hooking up with a ‘dynamic dreamboat' such as myself”, Erik says with a grin, holding Charles around the waist and rubbing his thumbs slowly against Charles' stomach. “Your friends must be very envious of you. After all, not many other people can say they've been lucky enough to bed the magnificent Magneto...”

Immediately Charles pulls a face, wriggling in Erik's grasp as Erik’s fingertips trail slightly higher up to trace Charles’ lower ribs.

“Umm, I think perhaps it's you who should feel like the lucky one”, Charles protests. “I'll have you know I was recently voted number eleven on a poll of the world's sexiest men...”

“Charles... I was number five...”

Charles' mouth opens as if he is about to respond but no retort is forthcoming, and in the end he just murmurs: “Oh, well that poll's a load of bollocks anyway...” before leaning in to kiss Erik once more.

A short while later Erik has Charles exactly where he wants him- naked in bed, flushed and breathing heavily as Erik makes good on his earlier promise to kiss every inch of Charles’ body. The newspaper detailing the exposure of their involvement is lying strewn across the nearby coffee table, as if it is of little import, but though Erik would never admit it he knows that the front page and corresponding article is something that he actually treasures, something he will most likely cut out and keep in the special metal box within which he retains all the special items that remind him of Charles. Because although Erik resisted it for so long- for too long, in fact- he is now unbelievably happy that he met Charles, that they fell in love, and that ultimately they were able to become more than just enemies with benefits.

 


End file.
